Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The First Step is the hardest

So....as I was saying yesterday, I've been a bit out of sorts lately.  Stressed.  Snappish.  Disgruntled.  Sad.  And just...not myself. 
There are many reasons.  Some private.  And some right out there.  Work stress.  Feeling lethargic.  The refusing to budge 10 pounds over my goal race weight.  Unmotivated.  No fun races to shoot for in sight...because I'm "taking the year off" (yeah, I know, but really.  I am).  But...I have nothing in front of me to look forward to (or so it seems).  No carrot.
2008 = first marathon and half Ironman
2009 = wedding, new house, promotion.
2010 = Ironman
2011 = PR's in Ironman, marathon and half marathon.
2012.....That big year with.....
hmmm.....nothing.  Not that that's all bad.  Many things are status quo.  Only a few races, and even with lethargic training, only a few minutes off PR pace.  A broken foot.  But....a half ironman 7 weeks later (not fast, but done, because I am a stupid stubborn woman.)  A fun vacation to Jamaica.  A nice 30th birthday week away planned. Good things. But....nothing epic.  No Ironmans. (yes, i miss the 3 hour runs and 6 hour bikes.  I'm a loser).
A broken damn scale (silly whining on my part.  If you aren't distance training, eat clean, woman!)
High stress at work  (the is literally ongoing.  Is there such a thing as a calm time with no crisis where we are fully staffed?  What?  Job security?  Fine, I'll shut up).
And of course the routine silly things.  Bills, unexpected hiccups, little tiffs, and life.
I know.  First world problems.
But I've gotten down about them lately.
And less tolerant of people.
Including myself.
So...as I said, I went out for a bit of therapy yesterday.  In the form or 2 hours and 13.5 miles (11.5 by myself, and 2 with the hubs later).  The first 11, I focused on my issues and what in the hell to do.
I decided to get a dog.
Then scratched that 20 minutes later.  Huz isn't on board yet, and I won't scoop poop from my Siberian unless he's willing to co-parent (I did get a 4 year promise on that one though).
I decided to quit facebook, blogging, and blog reading.  I spend too much energy WTF-ing silly people on  facebook that grandstand to show how OMG busy, important, or awesome they are, and I feel like crap or get ragey reading them (no, it's probably not you if you're reading this.  It's 4-5 people out of my 400 that I really just need to de-friend and get it over with).  Same thing with blogs.  I need to quit the ones that make me feel like hell or trigger something unhealthy in me. 
So I unsubscribed from those blogs and defriended a few people.  Baby steps.  I don't think I could quit blogging....I love it too much!  (plus, I've made whole 16 dollars in 18 months...wowzers! lol)
As for the rest....well, the hubs and I made a twofer deal, because we've both been feeling a bit soggy lately.
I'm banned from the kitchen after 10pm ( I have a rough late night snacking problem).  The hubs is on an anti night snack regimen that I'm in charge of.
And we agreed to go for a half hour walk each night post dinner to chat and move before we settle in for the night.
I think it'll help our waistlines as well as our relationship.
Which, by the way, is one of the awesome things in life that I lean on.  Even though there's a few rough patches with friends and family members lately, and some 9-5 moments where I reallllyyy wish I had a window (and not for fresh air)...I have my best friend.  We're still on the same page, same paragraph, same sentence.
We established that one in our two mile husband and wife run.  We talked about all my issues, and I got his feedback on the public and private things I've been wrestling with.  Then I took the lead while he talked to me about his day and his problems. Set the pace for the first 1.75 miles and a comfortable to him speed.  And he took off for the last kick, encouraging my tired legs to finish strong.
Sweaty, out of breath, and a good workout done, we walked the rest of the loop home, hand in hand.  We hit a few bumps....hills....and some strong downhill running.  But we'll get through together in the end. 
And now I feel ready to tackle my problems.
One step at a time :-)


  1. I'm sorry you're feeling so out of sorts. I've been there myself lately. Your post inspired me to do something I've been thinking about doing for quite a while: removing Facebook from my phone. I've grown quite tired of the ranting and grandstanding too.

    I'm glad you're not quitting the blogosphere - I'd miss your blog!

    1. Thanks Mary!! I thought about it briefly, but I love writing too much...and you guys! You're awesome! Way to remove that FB trigger. I love it, but it is such a time suck...and not always a good one!!

  2. I missing 3 hour runs and 6 hour bikes makes one a loser, well, then make me captain of the loser club.

    I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch, and I know it can be hard to see the end of one of those. But you are smart and you have a plan (I just hope the plan didn't involve removing my blog from your reader :) ).

    1. I hear ya :-) We really should plan on at least a 70.3 together at some point! And my only problem with your blog(s) is picking which one I like best - You're too awesome for me to ever delete!!