Well, 2021. What a three hundred and sixty five days of unexpected. As I sit here, doing my bit to navel gaze on the year, I'm smiling, thinking of all the amazing things that happened this year - in terms of athletics, friendships, relationships, family, and personal development. It's been such a year. Last night at the dinner table, as is our tradition pre New Year's Eve- we all went around the table talking about the good things that happened in 2021. Some of them were huge - we made some awesome family gains in the year, I had a few amazing big races, Greg hit a new milestone success in his business - Rob ran his first cross country race, Biz started gymnastics - but it was also scattered with the small, every day smiles of life, which are sometimes tough to realize during a pandemic, but so damned important.
Like so many of us, I've
struggled this year with the sheer inertia of life - the past year and a
half have been depressing, if left unattended. But oddly enough, my resolution for 2019 still stays
with me and serves me well - doing the "big scary things" idea.
I still stand by it. If you don't like something about your life, you can
either complain about it or change it. I chose the latter, and its made
all the difference.
Sometimes the road less
traveled is a little tricky to navigate. I always thought by 39, I'd have
it all figured out and be living my best, if not predictable, life.
But...the concept of taking a risk and jumping in full force has been, hands
down, one of the best things I've ever done. I've failed spectacularly -
both of my own accord and also because I trusted the path I was on - and the
people that I was with - a little bit too much.
That last bit has been
the downfall of my 2021 - some of the things I've jumped into have just not
panned out, and I have had to have the wherewithal to pick up the pieces quite
a few times- whether its a failed attempt at a workout, a friendship, or
something else. And I question sometimes the wisdom of putting yourself
on the line over and over again - is it worth it to walk the different paths,
even if the dead end comes up so much more quickly than you expect? How do you
know when to quit or give it one last try? And if you fail, how do you
put that failure behind you and keep moving forward toward your goal,
especially if it seems ambiguous?
It's something I'm still
working on. The idea that some things are just flat out lessons to be
learned - whether its a shit race, a work experience, or people that come into
your life for a reason or a "season" and don't stay. Some things
aren't meant to last. And some things happen really just to give you a
fresh perspective on something else, or provide a stepping stone to something
else you never even knew was out there.
It's humbling. But
always about growing - and every time I'm pretty sure I've learned the lesson,
life takes an odd twist with it, and I adapt and give it another shot.
Some of the endings of
2021 I never saw coming. I never realized it was the last time for some
things - it truly taught me to appreciate every moment as it came.
And to not be so afraid to say what I was thinking out loud, or to go in a
direction that I never would have had the guts to do. Sometimes that
worked - and I've made some amazing friends and gone some amazing places - the
concept of driving across country to do a half ironman in a bomb cyclone comes
to mind! Sometimes it didn't, and I fell flat on my face. But always - I
get up, lick my wounds, and try again.
As I did my long ride
this morning, I watched Lionel Sanders year end recap - along with
his lessons learned. He's fast becoming one of my favorite pros - not
only because he's so darn hard working and humble, but he's not afraid to try
new things, admit when he's wrong, or flat out burst in to tears when he
accomplishes the unthinkable. He's about hard work, grit, and nose to the
ground, but opening up to new possibilities (training with people can be fun!
Why not fly in the face of science for training!) that might take him
somewhere. He flat out admitted he almost retired from pro racing this
year and that it was a year of discovery - and laid his soul bare for his
dreams, goals and ambitions. That sort of naked honesty is so refreshing
- and its got me so inspired for 2022. To go boldly for what I never thought
was possible, and make that leap. As I watched his Ironman Chattanooga
recap - they did a close pan in of his flying dismount on the bike and I
thought - hey, I can finally do that (thanks 2021!)! It was gorgeous to
watch - the grace of it all. It made me realize how far I've come this
year.
And then I remembered
the other race in 2021 where I put my aero helmet on backwards in T1 and came
out looking like a majestic narwhal. Sometimes, we fail. (But that one
was damned funny, am I right?)
Perspective,
people.
And that's my goal for 2022. The ability to go forward
confidently and say "Fuck it" - knowing that I might fail, or it
might be something amazing. And that all the people I meet along the way
- they might become the most cherished life long friends, as I've met a few
special people on this journey. And some of them - are really just there
to show me what not to do, or there for a very short time. Do I plan to
change? Heck no. Sometimes you have to put your heart on the line
and just go for what you believe in, or try things you never thought you'd do -
it might work, it might not, but I'll be damned if I won't take that chance at
everything life has to offer.
Here's to an amazing 2022 - as always, I expect there will be some epic highs and some real learning experiences - but RAISING the bar - is always the goal. Happy New Year - lets go for it!
