Monday, November 6, 2017

If you don't know where you are going, how will you know when you get there??

See, here's the thing.  We all know I've had my whiny little episodes about 2017.  In general, I've pretty much been that annoying person that seems to have nothing to bitch about but seems to always be grumpy - at least in my estimation. How annoying.

  I know life is never perfect.  And when one piece seems to fall into place, at least one other goes to hell.  Welcome to living, right??

But there's been a lot this year.  A lot of areas that seem to be either making no sense, going to hell, or are day by day changing so fast that I can't keep track and I throw up my hands in frustration trying to.  Take a deep breath, buttercup, and hop on.  It's life.

So I've been doing what I do best - taking it day by day, running my ass off, and hanging on.  Talking to close family and friends - god bless you people that listen to my endless ranting about the same. damn. things. And living my life as it comes to me.

Last night, I was playing around on Pinterest, trying to figure something out - admittedly - decor wise in the house.  I was looking at pithy signs to redecorate our living room, when I came across a print that said "If you don't know where you are going, how will you know when you get there?"

Wait, stop.  Stop for a second.  I know it may sound trite, but this one little sentence was a total truth bomb for me. And it started to make some sense.

In terms of the literal day by day, I am awesome at knowing where I am going.  For a run.  To a meeting.  Grocery shopping.  A coffee date. Giving the kids a bath.  Bam.  Wherever you go, there you are.

I also know where I am going in 2018....in terms of race goals.  I rock at those.  3rd Ironman - can we PR?  YES!  2020 - let's Boston Qualify!

Finances?  Yep.  On it. We have a solid plan for what we need to do to live now, 5 years from now, and retirement.

The rest?  Oh hell no.  I used to do this.  I had a vision board.  I saw myself as a bride, buying a house, having kids, and kicking butt in the workplace.

But what do you do when those obvious things are all crossed off? What's next?

I took out my old board, created in 2007.  I saw the white dress.  The picket fence.  The corporate ladder.  The two kids (no lie).  The 140.6 sticker.  And, admittedly from the chubby teenager insecurites, the picture of someone rockin' a two piece on the beach.

Do we see an issue here?  I do.  I am, to put it bluntly, stuck.  I got to a place in my life where my vision board has been realized, and I haven't evolved beyond it, in terms of growing.  I've contented myself with the day to day living, which certainly has it's place, but nowhere does it inspire dreams, risk, and the vivaciousness that I miss about life.  It's certainly understandable, with two toddlers, a full time job, and a husband that works 80 hours a week.  But it's never going to move me beyond being "stuck".

Sometimes diagnosing the damn problem is truly the first part to fixing it.

So I' taking some time this week.  Time for myself.  I pulled out my old magazines, and went to the dollar store and bought a poster board and art supplies.

It's time to create.  And reinvent.  To visit my old dreams, look at my bucket list, and figure out what in the hell really makes me tick.

And then you know me.  I'm gonna go the hell after it.