Sunday, December 31, 2017

Tabula Rasa

Well, guys, I think I did it.  As I set out for my last run of 2017 - 7 miles of complete perfection for a total of 1558 miles in 2017 - I formulated a blog post.  Ready to rock.  Here I sit, post run, post shower, taking my 2018 intentions into play and taking my damn 10 minutes.  For me.  Yes, I showered.  You're welcome.

I also think, that for the first time in 7 years (how is my blog this old?!?) I actually repeated a title of a post.  Back in the day, when I blogged 4-5 times a week ( I swear this happened and have no idea how) I would wrack my brain for new title ideas and vigilantly check to make sure I didn't duplicate.

I'm over it.  The title is too appropriate and something I have always thought was such a neat concept - a blank slate.  Although most people talk about it in the new school year, as adults, the new year is such a great time to just.....start over.  Just friggin do it.  And while I am not a huge fan of resolutions, just like I don't believe in "diets" (don't get me started there) the concept of leaving 2017's garbage back in 2017 is just too damn appealing. 

Don't get me wrong.  While I have enjoyed the hell out of crapping on 2017, I do need to give it some credit (written for posterity!)  2017 was so. damn. hard.  Honestly, probably one of the worst years of my life.  But it taught me a few really important things that have paved the way for what I KNOW will be a successful 2018.  Know why?  Because I'm ready to face it that way.  To truly leave 2017 in 2017 and to walk into 2018 with the way I want it to be to the best of my ability.

2017 are there.  You taught me...

Hard work is hard.  It's friggin hard.  2017 was a goal setting year.  To pave the way for dreams.  A penny pinching, living each day with intention of an all consuming goal.  What was it?  Honestly, I was afraid to say it.  I'm not afraid any more.  I am proud.  As of 12/26, Greg and I paid off our mortgage.  WE OWN OUR OWN HOME.  We bought this house in 2009 and have faithfully paid the bills every month, staring at that big, scary number.  Well, 2018 brings with it some big dreams we have and that number...needed to be gone.  So we did it.  In more ways that I can explain in one post, we managed to pay off over a third of our home's value in one year.  I promise, I will share what worked for us.  But it was hard.  So very hard.  Worth it?  Right now I would say yes!

I also learned that hard work isn't always appreciated.  Honestly, if I took away one thing from this year....I felt taken advantage of.  A lot.  At home, at work, and in a few other areas of life.  I was told many times that I might have unrealistic expectations, and maybe I do.  Maybe my concept of being a "nice guy" is really a projection of how I want to be treated.  Maybe many things.  But I intend not not be an asshole in 2018, not always say yes.  To not always step in and be the "hub".  It's not fair.  I surround myself with grown, competent adults who don't need to be mommied, and two toddlers that do.  It's time to step back and realize that perhaps my ideas of what needs to happen aren't always necessary and that I might be putting quite a bit of effort into things that don't even matter.

2017 also taught me that there is love in so many unexpected places.  I fell apart spectacularly a few times and the people that picked me up were not who I thought they might have been.  Which brings me to 2018 with hope in my heart and love and openness for the kindness of not exactly strangers (Thank you Blanche DuBois) but for those angels in my life who really have a place in 2018 for my love an attention.  Really, you know who you are.  You may have saved me this year, even if you don't realize it.

So, 2017.  There you go.  You sucked.  But like most sucky things, you taught me some really important things.  That some things are worth it, some aren't.  That some people are worth it, and some are best left to their own devices.

And I walk into 2018 unencumbered and ready to pursue my dreams.  Am I afraid of hard work?  Not in the slightest.  I live it.  It's time to start living with that beautiful, blank slate (with the crib notes from the life lessons, not the garbage, tucked safely away in my back pocket).

Happy New Year!

Thursday, December 28, 2017

But did you die?

Much like the elusive meme (that honestly, really isn't all that funny) that somehow still is on the interwebs, I feel the need to explain, yet again, that no, I didn't die.  Didn't fall off of a cliff during my week off in November (SIX FREAKING WEEKS AGO), didn't quit my job, didn't run off the with pool boy  to Tahiti (we don't even have a pool, so there's that) , didn't join a cult and live out my days drinking cherry koolaid (blech).
I am here.  And I am lazy.  Nah, that's not true.  I'm still the same crazy me, but with tons of bloggo thoughts stored up that spit themselves out into thoughtful, introspective posts while I am banging out 8 mile tempo runs on the treadmill (started out TWSS, then I fooled you, didn't I?) but somehow, when I shower (I do that) and get back to my computer, either a toddler jams a green marker into my mouse (that happened) or lunch "break" is over and they actually expect me to work sometimes at my job (no lie).  And the post, with all of my infinite nuggets of wisdom, just disappears.  Poof. 

I often wonder if Martin Luther King Jr would have actually penned his "I Had a Dream" speech if he had kids.  Oh wait.  He had 4.  I AM A SLACKER!!

Regardless, it's that time.  Time for 2018.  2017, you sucked.  See ya.  Don't let the door hit you on the way out (wait, do.  You suck).  And, even though those that know and love me are aware of my resolution thoughts....

Yeah, I'm not making them.  But I do plan to try to bring 2018 into a year to remember fondly.  And that starts with a nice little nugget that oddly enough sprang from my work performance appraisal.  To chill.  Yep, you got it. (I'm not kidding.  That was one of my things to work on.) To realize that in fact, not all of the monkeys or circuses are mine.  Nope.  To realize that there are things I can control, things I can't, and enough wine to know the difference (see what I did there?).  You got it right. 

And it all starts with ten minutes.   Ten minutes to stretch.  To actually dry my hair ( the last month I have done this more that in all of 2017.  And it's blowing people's minds, which must mean I look like a hot damn mess 99% of the time.  Yech).  To watch a podcast (slightly obsessed with TED talks).  To...write a blog post.  Wait, what?  Yeah.  I know.  Pics or it didn't happen.  Moral of the story, I deserve ten.  Ten a day, or ten a few times a day. 

So here's to ten.  And hopefully not ten days...weeks...or months....until I show some blog love.  Cause really, I do.  Promise.

Happy end of 2017 - Have a wonderful New Years and let's make 2018 .....fabulous!  Crap....I almost said great again.  (Excuse me while I go jump off a bridge).  We're just gonna make it awesome.  AWESOME.  I SAID AWESOME.