Sunday, December 31, 2017

Tabula Rasa

Well, guys, I think I did it.  As I set out for my last run of 2017 - 7 miles of complete perfection for a total of 1558 miles in 2017 - I formulated a blog post.  Ready to rock.  Here I sit, post run, post shower, taking my 2018 intentions into play and taking my damn 10 minutes.  For me.  Yes, I showered.  You're welcome.

I also think, that for the first time in 7 years (how is my blog this old?!?) I actually repeated a title of a post.  Back in the day, when I blogged 4-5 times a week ( I swear this happened and have no idea how) I would wrack my brain for new title ideas and vigilantly check to make sure I didn't duplicate.

I'm over it.  The title is too appropriate and something I have always thought was such a neat concept - a blank slate.  Although most people talk about it in the new school year, as adults, the new year is such a great time to just.....start over.  Just friggin do it.  And while I am not a huge fan of resolutions, just like I don't believe in "diets" (don't get me started there) the concept of leaving 2017's garbage back in 2017 is just too damn appealing. 

Don't get me wrong.  While I have enjoyed the hell out of crapping on 2017, I do need to give it some credit (written for posterity!)  2017 was so. damn. hard.  Honestly, probably one of the worst years of my life.  But it taught me a few really important things that have paved the way for what I KNOW will be a successful 2018.  Know why?  Because I'm ready to face it that way.  To truly leave 2017 in 2017 and to walk into 2018 with the way I want it to be to the best of my ability.

2017 are there.  You taught me...

Hard work is hard.  It's friggin hard.  2017 was a goal setting year.  To pave the way for dreams.  A penny pinching, living each day with intention of an all consuming goal.  What was it?  Honestly, I was afraid to say it.  I'm not afraid any more.  I am proud.  As of 12/26, Greg and I paid off our mortgage.  WE OWN OUR OWN HOME.  We bought this house in 2009 and have faithfully paid the bills every month, staring at that big, scary number.  Well, 2018 brings with it some big dreams we have and that number...needed to be gone.  So we did it.  In more ways that I can explain in one post, we managed to pay off over a third of our home's value in one year.  I promise, I will share what worked for us.  But it was hard.  So very hard.  Worth it?  Right now I would say yes!

I also learned that hard work isn't always appreciated.  Honestly, if I took away one thing from this year....I felt taken advantage of.  A lot.  At home, at work, and in a few other areas of life.  I was told many times that I might have unrealistic expectations, and maybe I do.  Maybe my concept of being a "nice guy" is really a projection of how I want to be treated.  Maybe many things.  But I intend not not be an asshole in 2018, not always say yes.  To not always step in and be the "hub".  It's not fair.  I surround myself with grown, competent adults who don't need to be mommied, and two toddlers that do.  It's time to step back and realize that perhaps my ideas of what needs to happen aren't always necessary and that I might be putting quite a bit of effort into things that don't even matter.

2017 also taught me that there is love in so many unexpected places.  I fell apart spectacularly a few times and the people that picked me up were not who I thought they might have been.  Which brings me to 2018 with hope in my heart and love and openness for the kindness of not exactly strangers (Thank you Blanche DuBois) but for those angels in my life who really have a place in 2018 for my love an attention.  Really, you know who you are.  You may have saved me this year, even if you don't realize it.

So, 2017.  There you go.  You sucked.  But like most sucky things, you taught me some really important things.  That some things are worth it, some aren't.  That some people are worth it, and some are best left to their own devices.

And I walk into 2018 unencumbered and ready to pursue my dreams.  Am I afraid of hard work?  Not in the slightest.  I live it.  It's time to start living with that beautiful, blank slate (with the crib notes from the life lessons, not the garbage, tucked safely away in my back pocket).

Happy New Year!

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations on paying off your mortgage. I hope 2018 treats you better than 2017 did!