IMTX Block #1: The Times, They are a Changin'

So, in the most drawn out fashion ever (which is really saying a lot), we have finally finished block one of Ironman Texas 2023 training!  Aside from my usual bullshit of way overdoing things, this really was a six week block instead of the customary four - two weeks of fucking around and finding out (not the most fun, but necessary in some instances!) and then a four week block with our newest character to this shitshow I call life - "Mean Dude".  I just finished recovery week of my first four weeks with this new coach, and I'm gonna do a full review of Mean Dude (spoiler alert - he's not mean) , but first, we have plenty to talk about.  This has, without a doubt, been the most different month of training I have had in years...or...ever...., which will either be really good or really bad, but hey, I'm pretty much known for jumping off cliffs, and even though it doesn't always work out, I have a gut feeling about this one.  With 12 weeks to go until IMTX, this is the path I've chosen - so lets talk about it!

When Mean Dude and I connected a month ago, he offered to write me a block of training, and then we

would step back to re-assess where we were both at.  He was working on developing his own coaching company, which he is well on the way for, but had decades of experience with running and multi sport, and had the race cred to back it up. We have been acquaintances for awhile (we might be friends now, if he can even stand me - thats Mean Dude on the middle left post race, pre working with me.  He's aged about a decade since putting up with my bullshit) so there was a trust.  I knew his program would be different than I was used to - I'd been penning my own workouts for the last year and a half, so I accepted that he wouldn't know all my weird quirks - even mileage workouts, distance, not time for runs, and the natural structure I had been following for a training week since 2019. It was about to all be flipped. And I was gonna have to roll with it.

Whew.  Honestly - between us, I embrace change, but the last few months....years...have really brought it to a new level.  I keep moving with it, but I swear, every time I get comfortable anywhere, something significant changes.  The last few months have knocked me on my ass, and here we were, with yet another change - but this time, I approached it with an "It is what it is" mantra - I knew that I had enough sense of myself to step back if this wasn't right. And even though it's bitten me in the butt in the past, I decided to trust Mean Dude right off the bat and not put up any barriers. In the last month, I have learned so much - some from Mean Dude, and some from the people I have been training with or alongside. And it's been freaking fantastic.

The Swim - I switched up the swim this block in a few ways.  Mean Dude is a big fan of 20x100 sets with ridiculous short send off and playing with flippers.  The latter still look like clown shoes to me, and if anyone wants a damn laugh, watch me try to open turn with said flippers. (I still hate flip turns) My friend Bear lent me her shorter flippers, so I now look like a penguin executing my 100s.  On the plus side, they zoom, so at least I'm a fast moron!  

Speaking of toys...this one has nothing to do with Mean Dude, but it's as good of a time as any to discuss.  One of the switches I made this year was to start swimming four times a week, so I go to the Y Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.  Hey, work your weakness, right?? Wednesdays are my early swims - purely due to peer pressure, but it gets me home to put the kids on the bus and it works schedule wise, so yay for 4am wake ups!  

Wednesdays are fun for many reasons - I have friends to swim with, my buddy is on duty as the lifeguard, and I can chase the super fast boys in speedos (hey, I'll admit that's a fun perk. And no, I can't catch them.  Even with clown shoes flippers).  I've noticed that it seems to be a Wednesday thing that all TOYS - such as paddles, buoys, etc. and send offs for each interval - are in the deep end.  Now, usually I set up my crap in the shallow end, but when in Rome - ya know.  I have yet to figure out why these super fasties set up shop at the deep end, but I have a few theories - namely, its badass to pull yourself out of the pool in the deep end, (the gun show is real) there's a drain by the end of the lane that I'm pretty positive my super speedy speedo guy friend disappears into post swim when he swims solo (maybe its a portal to somewhere? Where does it go?  I dunno, I'm not fast enough to catch him) and...well, that's it, but I'm sure I'll come up with some more theories during the 1000 yard pull sets Mean Dude assigns.  I haven't asked yet, because I like my theories, but hey, if I can fool anyone to thinking I can hang with the real swimmers (and oh man, do I try - said fast boys, if you're reading, throw me a bone, okay??) I'm gonna do it.  

The Bike - This one is hella different than I am used to.  Right now I'm using Zwift instead of Trainer Road, which started out because of a free trial, and since Mean Dude uses Zwift, we kept it.  Mean Dude is a big fan of HR training, so we have worked out zones, and my rides stay in those zones.  He likes his data, so I usually have tons to do on the bike, which means I watch zero crap on most of my rides.  I know.  I reached 4 hours this block for my long ride, sans anything but music.  It's wild.  I've read a few articles during the downtime, but since I'm switching something up every 20 minutes or so, I never get bored.  

I'm also fueling different - with a better focus on the best sources of hydration and electrolytes (God, I
sound like a douchebag).  It's helped quite a bit for my run off the bike - which is also different.  I used to do one brick a week, now I am doing 3.  One off the long ride, which is 4-7 miles, one off of an easier ride, and one segueing into my long run.  Yep - I ride.... then run 12-14 miles.  I have never heard of this, but it works out really well.  Since the bike has always been my biggest limiter, I've been laser focused on it this time around - now that I'm mostly comfortable on it, its time to wisely zoom (within my HR zones, of course!)  My last ride this week was probably the most epic  - I rode the Watopia Ride to the Sky course, which is an 11.2 mile effort, with 3398ft of elevation gain in 7.5 miles.  It was incredibly ridiculous, and despite the love I sent to Mean Dude (then compiled, because why not - check it out for a laugh at my expense! ) I really enjoyed it.  I ran strong off the bike, which is the whole goal and pretty encouraging when you're tackling 14% climb after climb! 

The Run - Again, I think the biggest switch here is HR training, which I haven't done in years.  I'm pretty bad at taking the easy stuff easy, but you can't fake HR and Mean Dude is all over my zones.  He assigns odd mileage runs (ugh) and timed runs (ugh) and when I bitched, he threw asinine runs my way like 3.083 miles (This happened).  This is about running right now, but I won't lie, the humor and communication style here is top notch, along with the subtle reminders that I need to trust the process and execute it well.  And...I am.  There have been a few biffs, but I honestly have to say, the recovery runs are getting easier to adhere to and my zone 1 runs are getting faster.  It's exciting stuff!  With the addition of the bricks, I'm also noticing that the bike warm up or bike prior to my run is only making my run stronger - and my last long run (around the bay, huzzah!) felt great and I was able to mix friendship with training, which is really the best of both worlds.

I have no idea how this will shake out race day, but right now I couldn't be happier with this first block.  It's working, the pieces are falling into place, and I'm having a blast with it.  Mean Dude (we really need to rename him) is an EXCELLENT coach, and he mixes the workouts with a great communication style (I never have to guess, and his follow up is excellent) and his sense of humor is spot on.  Which is important - because this go around, I'm all about the hard work but also the FUN. 

 If you follow me at all on social media, you see the ridiculous stories and posts I share about Ironman training - which is kind of the point!  I'm part of a podcast that's being organized on Slowtwitch (stay tuned for that) and even though my goals are huge this year, enjoying the process and laughing is always going to be part of it.  I'm loving all of it - the coaching, the dancing, the fun people that I get to spend time with along the way - and each day I get so excited to be one step closer to race day!  

Which, on that note - Musselman just released their new run course for 2023.  It's not my A race, but they must have listened to my massive bitching helpful input, and they did away with the train track run course!  HUZZAH!  Maybe that's the motto of 2023- ditching one train track at a time.  Let's DANCE!

Life is a Highway

And here we are, in the first recovery week of the IMTX build - which means a few things.  It's not quite time for a Block 1 recap (I know you're on the edge of your seat here, but Mean Dude has me doing a few fun workouts this week that I'll want to encompass in that post, so stay tuned - this road to Ironman is the wildest yet so far!)

This post is oddly more about that whole "balance" act that seems to be so precarious lately.  I'm not gonna lie, guys, I'm sure if you read between the lines, the last few months have been incredibly rough here - I've included enough reality in between the expected jokes and silliness that it was evident that I've been on the struggle bus, trying to right myself for awhile.  And most of it, I couldn't put my finger on the exact "why" - which was frustrating as hell.  Was it the holidays?  Family Stuff? Friend Stuff? Overtraining? Off season? Winter?  Who knows.  But I won't kid a kidder, there were many days filled with apathy and just a lack of desire for anything...more days than I will care to admit it in a short period of time.  I was just not myself.  And the part that pissed me off was that I knew it, and had zero idea how to fix it.

The key was time, patience with myself, and the company of a few really good people that weren't afraid to call me out on my bullshit, but follow it up with support.  I'm not saying life is perfect, but in the past few weeks, it's absolutely been looking up, thank goodness. I at least know where to go with some of the struggles, and know who's gonna be there to support me if and when I need it.  I'm not great with the patient thing or the time thing - once something goes wrong, I want to be able to hop in and fix it, dammit.  

Which led me to the ironic part - throughout the whole ordeal (how long can I milk this mid life crisis around my 40th birthday - asking for a friend??) I was truly annoyed with the idea that while my life was falling apart, there was one constant to where I was kicking ass - and that was training - marathon, Ironman, you name it - the workouts were mostly nailed and checked off and I was getting it done. 

Sports, and in particular, long distance triathlon, are such a tricky thing.  They can be a great outlet for mental health, staying active and healthy, and goal setting.  They also can quickly get out of hand and suck you into a world of obsession.  While I've been a triathlete for almost two decades now, I really have been focused the last few years at a different level, and I've noticed that the admiration for dedication and achievement comes with a second helping of judgement - how much time do you spend training?  Aren't you a little obsessed?  What does your family think?  Are you ever there for your kids? Maybe your life would be better if you just took a break and focused on other stuff. 

The answer is - I love this sport.  Truly, I do.  But its a hobby.  While its my favorite hobby, I'm always
careful to make sure that the training happens early, or on lunch (when I can) or in conjunction with something else - a kid lesson, a half day I took at work, or if I'm lucky enough - with my kid!  I have full support at home and am super careful not to screw with that.  And in terms of that obsession....its no moreso than a normal hobby.  I'd function without it.  I have other interests and likes. But in the past few months of uncertainty, I've used it as a grounding mechanism for many reasons - namely - because I can figure it out.

And that's huge.  When I look at my training - it all makes sense.  Whether its me penning the effort or my coach - the workouts have a purpose and a goal.  It's a clear cut goal and purpose that if I'm not sure what it is - I can as - and there are ANSWERS! (Which, let me reiterate, even though we call my coach Mean Dude he is literally one of my favorite people right now - I'll wax poetic about him next week, but lest he get a big head - he always explains, keeps the big picture in mind, and makes me laugh and feel proud and motivated all at once.  He's a keeper and I already love him for putting up with my shit.  And for me to say that on a recovery week is BIG TIME PRAISE.  Go Mean Dude!).

Each training session not only has a purpose, it leads to a bigger goal - there is a clear 16 week plan for this.  The finish line in X amount of time is the goal.  Each day, when I execute - I know what I want.  I see it.  Even if its 5am on a Sunday or shivering at the pool at o dark thirty, I can repeat the goal in my head and have direction.  I have control over the sessions and am not relying on anyone but me to achieve the outcome. 

If I fuck it up - I usually know why.  It could be lack of sleep, nutrition, anxiety (tough to hold ZR heart rate when life is fucked) or the weather.  But its usually easily pinpointed and can be righted.  And when it gets messy, you can either recognize the roadblock or call the audible and try again tomorrow.  There IS a do over, unlike in life, with a lack of time machines and corrector fluid. 

It all makes sense.  And with so much uncertainty lately, the road map that training is right now - is comforting.  

Once I figured that out, it made me feel better.  It doesn't negate all of the messy stuff that doesn't have a clear answer right now, but it at least gives me a space to go to where I can be calm and in control of it for a little bit as a "time out" from life. 

Oh - and I love it.  Did I mention that?  I love every workout, even the hard ones.  Even the ones I fail or need to tailor expectations to.  And they make me happy - I dance, sing, and enjoy every second (as any of you that see the shit I post on Instagram and Facebook can attest to - sorry not sorry!) And I've been lucky enough the past few weeks to share that with people that make me laugh, listen to me cry, and make me feel like the best version of myself.  And that part is huge.

I was out for a run the other day, thinking about the past year - recently, I've reconnected with a wonderful friendship that I thought I lost last winter.  And I laughed to myself, remembering the struggle I had back in January 2022 about this friendship - the times I spent worrying, being sad, and wondering where I went wrong with it.  

I also thought about what I had wished for 2022 and I realized that January 2022 Rae would KILL to be January 2023 Rae.  And it's not just all about racing - that BQ was sweet, as were the tri accomplishments, but the things that kept me up at night a year ago - have either worked out, are better now than ever - or - are no longer anything I think about. I literally have everything I wanted last year at this time, so why was I feeling the way I did? That friendship right now - is better than ever.  He's a 3am ride or die friend and I never thought that would happen.  I'm not saying it always works out but...sometimes it does. It does when it needs to.  And the rest - we move on from. And head on to the next adventure. 

Because we always want more.  We always want to reach higher.  And that's laudable - its what its all about.  But its important to remember that progress isn't linear - it can be messy, complicated, and not always have a clear outcome.  And that's okay too.  I think.....most of us are feeling this right now.  

So, as this unfurls, I don't expect 2023 to be all magic and cupcakes.  It's gonna get messy, and there will be tears with the laughter.  But I finally feel like me again - and as much in the drivers seat of this highway of life that I can be.  Who wants to join me on the road trip?

Ironman Texas Block ".5" - The Hamster Dance

It's officially 2023!!  I hope everyone had a fantastic New Year's and is on to the pursuit of great things.  Over in my little corner of the world, it's been a ride (pun intended) since January 1 - and lots has been happening, both in the world of training and outside of it.

This particular post is all about the former, though (which, of course, brings in more elements of the latter!)  Last time I updated, it was about time to kick off training for Ironman Texas - which is April 22, 2023. Big dreams here baby!! I devised an 18-week training plan that involved four "4 week blocks" and then a two week taper to land me to race day.  I went through quite a bit of back and forth about whether to use a coach or fly solo, and for many reasons, opted for the latter - recognizing my insane schedule, my relative success in 2022, and the fact that I had an entire Ironman plan mapped out from 2022 that included notes and suggestions - so it seemed like a good route to go.  With my mind at ease, I took the last 18 weeks leading up to Iowa that I wrote last year, tweaked block one for speed (run and bike faster, swim slower), and hit GO on December 19. LET's DO THIS THING!

Or not.

Oh, I amuse myself sometimes.  I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent person (yep, I know you laughed - fair) but I can do some pretty dumb shit (you're shocked - I know)

.  The first two weeks of the plan were a giant bust - they fell right during the holidays, which were incredibly tough this year, the pool was closed a lot, and even though I got every workout in I had the sense, both mentally and physically that I was going nowhere fast. I was on the struggle bus (for posterity, that is literally the best swimsuit I have ever owned) It sucked.  I was struggling with the concept of my "why" which is the VERY worst thing that can happen to you as an athlete - once your brain starts questioning a pursuit that is extremely physically demanding, your body follows suit.

What was it?  Burn Out?  A Bad plan?  Life?  I had no idea. But I knew that I had to fix it, and fix it quick if I wanted to do anything with 140.6.  I stepped back at the end of December and really looked at a lot of things in my life and asked myself honestly what I wanted for 2023.  And because I was really in a really bad spot with all of it, I admittedly went into the new year and was absolutely no better than the shit show that was December.  I was lost and it was showing everywhere.  I was the proverbial hamster - running on a wheel, going nowhere fast, and as a person that everyone looks to FOR the answer, was painfully aware that I didn't have anyone to ask.

But its funny how life works out.  When you least expect it, and sometimes from the people you would never expect it, your course can change...with some really special angels that stepped in to rescue me from my own self.  And thankfully, a little more than two weeks into the plan, a few key things happened:

I got myself a coach. Purely by accident, which is usually how the best things happen in my life, TBH.  "I wasn't expecting...." is a key phrase of mine and usually leads me to all the right places.  I'm a pretty lucky person - I have a friend helping me out who's cutting his teeth on coaching and knows his stuff

really really well.  We started working together a week and a half ago, and I'm already loving it.  Right now I'm his "hamster" because we decided being a guinea pig was just wrong - he's writing the weeks, I have zero to think about, and I just execute.  

The plan is based on HR for the run and bike, and while there is so much in every workout I'm not used to, it's been pretty eye opening to work with this format, and thankfully this guy gets my life AND my humor- even if we have dubbed him "Mean Guy" (his idea) for pretty much everything...my sarcasm, when I whine about a recovery run, forcing me to run by time (ugh) or an odd number of miles (double ugh) or when I blame my swim set screw up on the hot boys in speedos I was distracted by at the pool (ya know, theoretically). 

Number two - I started running with some pretty key people again.  Last fall, I was adopted by a few amazing runners - my neighbor and friend Laura, who is not only fast as hell but hilarious and genuinely an amazing person who only wants the best for me, and my other speedy friend, Dumpster Fire Dave (self named, of course).  They helped me BQ in Philly, and in the past two weeks have rescued me from myself - whether its some tough love I needed personally, a string of ridiculous hills to make me stronger, or a rash of four-letter words and Instagram reels to make me laugh on a shitty day- it's been so needed.  The training is fun.  It's productive.  And since I usually follow them,

they pick routes where I have no idea where we are going - what the hills look like, the distance, anything.  But rather than freaking out, I trust the people in front of me and tailor the effort to match theirs.  And somehow, I land right back where I need to - my running has been on point, and I feel strong, I feel good.  Mean dude added a bike before my long runs, which is also new, but has been helping - again - the notion of someone watching out for you has been the key here. I don't have to figure it all out on my own anymore - and I have people in my corner!

Lastly, I went back to my 2019 roots and joined the Y again.  There were many reasons for this one, mostly due to the imited WAC schedule and the kids joining lessons, so it was a no brainer.  I'm loving being back at the Y - I can drop the kids off and swim, then swim with them.  There's a hot tub.  One of my buddies is a lifeguard and our schedules aligned.  And FINALLY, after months of persuasion, I've gotten to regularly join my friend Bear on her 5am swims - which I thought were nuts but have turned out to be amazing in so many ways.  She's another one that's been a happy new influence on 2023 training, which rocks.  And of course, the hot boys in speedos don't hurt either - even if I can't catch them and they mess up my set when I get distracted by the cuteness try to race them.  Some things never change. And that's just fine by me!

On my last long fun with DF Dave, at mile 14 we came across....a train.  And we laughed.  Because its me. And then....a minute later, another train crossed going the opposite way.  And in between my giggles and the fact that we could see our finish line right on the other side of the two trains, I realized that maybe this double train was somehow a weird metaphor - with the trains of 2022 and the mess that 2023 had been for the first few days, maybe this meant that all the trains were out of the way.

Or maybe they aren't, and it was just a funny coincidence that we can finally laugh at and move the hell on.  Even if they aren't, going into week two of this new phase of 2023 has me back right where I need to be at last - excited, happy, and looking forward to all of it.  I think....I finally have me back.  And even though that came with help from people I never expected it to, I'm so grateful.  The journey really is full of twists and turns, isn't it?  But I fully believe the best is yet to come! 

Walk of Life: 2022 in review

2022.  What a freaking year.  Before I move into 2023 and find new ways to fuck up my life kick some ass,  I figured it would be a good time to revisit 2022 - to look at the things I learned along the way, what I want to bring into the New Year and ….what needs to be left behind.

Its a mixed bag, folks - 2022 was such a big year for me.  I look back at the past 12 months and I can't even believe what has gone down - If I would have pulled 2018 Rae aside and told her what was to come...she would have never believed it. Hell, if I would have pulled 2021 Rae aside, she wouldn't have believed it!

It makes 2023 so exciting.  I cannot wait to get started on next year an all of the great things I have to look forward to - but with the successes of 2022, came some giant epic failures, some "learning experiences" and a desire to change it up some going forward.  And that's about right - we can't get better without learning some hard lessons along the way.  I've done my best to speak freely about these - I don't think I've addressed "areas of growth" so honestly in quite some time, or ever freely addressed where I have struggled during this epic ride of life.  And while that hard stuff was not the things dreams were made of - it's shaped me and given me an arsenal of tools to make me a better person - and athlete - in the upcoming year.  

It's funny how sport and life can so closely follow each other, isn't it?  I always thought my blog was rather one dimensional, but I've heard from the readers that aren't athletes (fine, its my dad) that they find it interesting and applicable too.  Whether it's because I am for an honest assessment of how we are all treading water in life right now (damn, I did it again), or you just find my stories ridiculous and somewhat relatable, I'm here for you, guys.  I usually don't get it right the first hundred times I try, but boy, am I not a quitter.  So with that, I leave you with the lessons that 2022 has taught me:

Lead with your heart and your head, but listen to your gut.  

Man, this is one I still struggle with, albeit making progress.  A few years back, my be all mantra of
"doing scary shit" seemed so profound.  To just take the leap.  To be afraid but do it anyways.  And to go after what seems impossible.  I still like this theory, but I have learned without a doubt, to pay attention to those red flags. They are pretty... but man, they are there for a reason.  And even though saying "no" can be a struggle for someone that likes to give everything a shot, sometimes it really is the best choice.  Or at least.....leading a little bit more cautiously before throwing your whole self into what could be a painful mistake. 

While I'm not averse to a "screw it, you only live once" race, adventure, encounter, or a workout with people I "have no business with", I have learned that some of the choices I make really are bad decisions with consequences.  Such is life, right?  You live and you learn.  I made a few poor choices post Ironman that I paid for, and on the flip side, a few fall season decisions that were not easy at the time but yielded some pretty epic shit.  Sometimes I fell flat on my face, and I still have the visible....and invisible scars...to prove it.  Sometimes....big scary things are just not that great of an idea, and you need to know in your gut when to take that gamble and when not to, or when to put one toe in the water and watch for the signs that this year....I only saw in hindsight.   And as I go into 2023, I'm giving my gut a little more leeway (no, that was not a euphemism for Christmas cookies.  But....in every jest is some truth!)

Everyone Can Teach You Something

Even if you aren't sure what it is at the time.  This one still rings true to me years later. Embrace it and take care to listen to what the lesson is, even if it isn't obvious at the beginning and know.... when the lesson is learned.  I always think back to my key triathlon moment in the pool at the Y four years ago- but since that moment, there have been so many people in my life that have taught me something about how to look at life, who I want to be, or in general, just to be better at something - whether its physical, mental or emotional in nature.  Some of those people have stayed in my life, some of them have not, but they all have left an imprint on who I am and how I do things - which I am grateful for. 

And I will always be grateful, even if at the time, the lesson was painful...because at the time, it was worth it. I don't regret anything that happened this year.   Passion, Resilience, Endurance, determination.....how to laugh, have fun....all of it.  And in turn with this one, I've also learned that while you can have a hand in the beginning, you might not always have a choice on how it ends - which was a really hard lesson to learn.   But necessary nonetheless - it's possible that some people come into your life until you've learned the lesson, and then they leave.  I lost two major people this year that I never saw coming, as well as some newer friendships that I thought were going to last longer.  It hurt. A lot.  I never thought I would learn how to walk away, but I did.  Going into 2023, I've reminded myself to keep my head up, and my mind open - as you absolutely never know who or what is going to make a difference in your life. Or what that might look like. 

The only constant is....change. But...it can change back.  Wild. 

Off of the endings in your life are the people...that come back.  One year ago I could have written the exact same post with the lesson above about people moving out of my life - and I would have bet you a million dollars that they never would never come back.  I was...so wrong.  Some of the things that caused me tears in 2021 or even early 2022 turned right back around and those people are back in my life and in a much better capacity. It blows my mind.  One of them turned from what I might have called a mistake into a true ride or die and I never would have predicted that.  I've learned never to assign finality to anything - much like me, everyone is on a journey in life that takes them different places and through different emotions and experiences.  You never know what someone is going through, so if its not working out now, leaving the situation with the best of intentions to protect yourself is wise...but....life is full of surprises.  I've learned to smile at the past for the amazing experiences I have had, to read the room for what the present is and enjoy it as its happening, and to leave a situation with grace when needed.  But always....to leave that door open.  Never say never. 

There will ALWAYS be Trains 

I really can't express this (I KNOW, cringe) any other way.  Even though it was not funny at the time, both my 70.3 races this year....had trains.  For Musselman, it was on the run, and Barrelman, the bike.  Both times I lost momentum and time and had to make a quick assessment with regard to the "problem" and how to fix it on the fly.  And in life....there will ALWAYS be trains.  I've raced over a hundred triathlons in 17 years and have never encountered a train, so even with all my train....ing....(OMG why do you people read this crap) I was not equipped to handle it on race day.  I took a deep breath, assessed the situation, removed the emotion, and dealt with it as best I could.  For Musselman, I stopped my watch, peed, and drank water.  For Barrelman, I stopped my watch, swore, and took in a gu.  Both times, I took a second to feel the frustration, handled it as best I could at the time, and moved on.  And that's life.  I made a few good decisions - since Barrelman was NOT equipped to handle the train, my Garmin time was key to an AG placement and overall time adjustment.  I made a few bad decisions - peeing during the run....was not the smartest choice (I know guys, I'm gross.  But I'm honest)

  In both cases, I moved right on after the train and did not look back to second guess myself.  And that's life.  There have been a few knock me on my butt trains I never saw coming this year - and you take a deep breath, give yourself some time to feel what you need to feel, address it, and move on.  And don't ruminate on it.  You made the best choice at the time and it was totally out of your control. 

The Lows Make the Highs Even Higher

You can't appreciate success without failure.  This one's pretty darned elementary, but to be honest...I left it here because I needed to remind myself of this one.  A lot.  When I look back on the year, I tend to remember 3 months in particular - June, August and November.  Those 3 months were the absolute best this year had to offer - a huge PR for Ironman in June, Boston Qualifying in November, and August....well, August was just full of the best things life had to offer.  There were get togethers, local races, amazing times with friends, and more laughs and smiles than I could have ever imagined. It probably was my favorite month, full of the little things that are the big things - funny how that works out, isn't it? 

There were also struggles in each one of those months....a wicked bout of poison ivy that led to a crazy prednisone induced few weeks. in August, a pre-race work melt down in June, and oh man...November....well, pre race featured a few family emergencies that are still unresolved, and post race, a  week of being ridiculously sick and two family members in the hospital, along with the requisite post season melt down.  But when I look back....I'll remember the highs and be grateful for all the amazing moments those months had to offer, even if there were the not so great moments mixed in. 

 It always reminds me of when I first had a kid....someone told me to remember that with each rough spot, comes something amazing.  In the beginning, you might not sleep, but they fit right on your chest and snuggle into you.  Right now....both kids are so needy with everything but they want me and I am "the bestest mom ever".  I'm still tired.  One day I will sleep, and then they won't want to be around me.  The trick is....to appreciate and soak in all the good parts while working your way through the tough spots.  And that's life in a nutshell (thank you for coming to my ted talk).

Maybe when you look back it does make sense, even if it doesn't now. 

Holy shit was this a big one for me this year.  I had to laugh at myself, because I remember spending valuable time last year worrying about shit that...I didn't need to worry about.  And if I could have tapped myself on the shoulder a la Julie Nolke and said "Hey - dipshit - stop worrying about this - its gonna be okay.  Or, it isn't - and you're gonna deal with it and move the hell on with your life - stop wasting your time worrying about it " We all could use a future self to let us know what's a big deal and what isn't, and to give you a heads up as to who and what are worth fretting about, and who and what is not.  And even if we don't know why things are happening at the time, there is usually a reason for it at the end.  We just don't know it yet.  I learned this one mostly off the race course this year - endings at work, with friends, and family members.  Some of them I understand now, some I still don't and maybe I won't for quite some time.  But that's life. We are all just doing our best trying to figure it out.  I've always taught my kids to remember that people are doing the best with what they have, and that's really all you can ask for - to show up every day, do your best, and trust in the fact that it will all make sense someday.

And with these lessons guiding me, I cannot wait to start 2023 and make it the best year ever.  I'd be remiss if I didn't thank all the people that made 2022 one of the best years of my life - I can't even do justice to naming everyone, but you know who you are.  To my dumpster fire runners.  To my bomb cyclone heat advisory bad decision race buddy.  To the "Sounds Awful What Time" man - what a freaking race!  To the Scotts - you guys made me laugh and helped me NOT to drown! To the fellow runner aptly named "bad decisions".  To Tacos - Between race signs and wild rides, you made it fun and forever changed the way I look at so many things. To the tri fam - even though we look a little different, you guys are the best. To Zues - you are a pain in my ass but I love you with everything I have.  To the Norseman - you have no idea how damned much you inspired me this year on the race course - I can never express how much I appreciate it (even if you still owe me).  To all the runny friends, bikey friends and swimmy friends that shared miles with me this year - thank you for the amazing times and I can't wait to do it again!  To Cruise....you are my 3am.  To Miami Vice and all the big brotherly advice.  To my awesome family and friends that are family that encouraged everything I did this year - I love you guys so much.  And to Monsta - for more than you'll ever know.  And I can ever express.

On to 2023 - the year of Raising Up!!!  Let's get it started!

God Blessed Texas - Ironman 2023!

 Happy New Year!

Alright, not really.  While we still have two weeks for all that new year, new me jazz - I'm kicking it off tomorrow - when the official 2023 training season begins!  

While I still have a recap of 2022 in process (yeah, we can still give that thirteen days to shake out, because if I've learned one thing this year, it's to expect the unexpected!), December 19th is my new year in terms of 2023 goals.

And, as per the norm, it's looking a lot different than I thought it would.  One year ago, I mapped out my 2022 season - a redemption at Ironman, a few short races for fun, and a shot at going sub 5 at the 70.3 distance.  I decided to go at it solo (without a coach) for life reasons, and enlisted Friel, Hansen, and some fast triathletes and runners that are amazing people that freely lent me advice and a few well deserved smacks when I was being being foolish (which is probably more frequent than not). 

Oh, I laugh at myself. Suffice to say, the season produced results beyond my wildest dreams - my first ever overall female win at a triathlon (which was followed by a second win....and a third), new PR's at the sprint, half iron and iron distance, and a Boston qualifying marathon time.  Holy shit.  What a year.  And while I pivoted mid-year to stop chasing that sub 5 and start chasing Boston....it led to another pivot for 2023.

When I set out to do Ironman Iowa this year, the goal was to get some redemption for my horrible 2018 Ironman Lake Placid.  I have since grown by leaps and bounds as a triathlete, but that last Ironman finish was still hanging over my head.  I had signed up for IMMT in 2020 and 2021, but COVID killed that - so in a fit of bad decisions (Thanks Ken) Iowa was on the table for 2022.  And, despite the heat index being over 100 that day, I set a nice new PR of 12:18.  And....finished one spot away from Kona qualifying.

Woah.  It's funny, because when I re-tell that story, everyone gets a sad face - you were so close!  And I'm over here going guys - this was way beyond my wildest dreams.  I never thought I would be seven minutes away from joining the big dance in Hawaii!  Well, maybe in about 30 years, but I digress...

That was pretty cool.  And post Iowa, I put it away, because Ironman is time consuming, and I promised my family I would set it aside for at least a few more years.  Then, my amazing other half got ideas.  (I'm pretty darn lucky to be married to a guy that not only gets it, he encourages it).  He signed me up for Philly as a birthday gift, and I Boston Qualified.  And with that kind of momentum....we looked at 2023 together and got ideas.  Big ones.  And even with the crazy dance that Ironman is doing, which lands the women in Kona for 2023 solo...the idea stayed.  (Note that I think this is a stupid idea for many reasons and am supremely bummed to not be able to give it a shot with some of my friends that happen to be male, but since Ironman didn't consult me, I either play by their rules or I don't play at all).

After a shockingly little amount of debate, the die was cast for 2023.  It's a go big or go home kind of year.  After four years of amazing leaps in the multi-sport world, I'm throwing my hat in the ring for the big game - trying to qualify for Kona.  It's a moonshot goal, but I'm throwing everything I have at it and I'm excited to once again, giving it everything I've got to see where I can go.  Once again, I'm flying solo....but not really, because my favorite swimmers, bikers and runners have all offered to help me out along the way (and I am immensely grateful for it!).  The training starts tomorrow.  And if you're gonna go big....where do you go?

The state where everything is bigger.  

Ironman Texas it is!  April 22, 2023 - it's time to dance!

(Yeah, I meant that literally.  You can take the girl out of country line dancing, but not the line dancing outta the girl.  Think my outfit is aero enough??)

YEEHAW baby!

Blame it on the Rain

 This could otherwise be titled "How my off season is going?".  You know right away its going to be a smashing success.....don't the best laid blog posts profess a dedication to Milli Vanilli?  And with that, you know you're about to read a train wreck.  Which is highly appropriate for this season (yay for trains!), slightly eye roll inducing, and yet you know - you're gonna read it anyways.  Here we go!

So what does one do when they hit all their goals?  It's a mixed bag, folks.  I walked (yes, I walked - albeit slightly frozen!) away from my marathon in an odd state - I have never finished a race where I would not have changed a single damned thing.  There were small tweaks I suppose I could have made, sure, but in the big picture, I really couldn't have improved in terms of execution, training, or anything else given the variables race day presented.  It ended the season on a wicked high note, with the promise of Boylston St in 2024 (see what I did there) the pinnacle of my quest and the perfect end to a crazy successful racing year - one I could have never even imagined even last year.

And that was the moment when the proverbial kool-aid man kicked down the door and reminded me that while I had been so one dimensional in November chasing a dream (I admit it) that there was actual life going on outside of racing.  I knew this going in - I had blogged about it and luckily, most people in my life understood the few weeks prior to such an A goal were a little pre-occupied.  It was time to re-focus.  Big time. No more "blaming it on the rain"....errr...race (whomp whomp).

My body weighed in first and reminded me that not only had I just spent 8 hours in frozen windy weather prepping and running 26 miles and change - I also had been in training for some sort of endurance event for 11 months.  It rebelled. Hard. 

 I spent of the week post Philly a mess - I couldn't eat, had body aches and chills, and struggled to just be able to function.  Two ish weeks out, I'm happy to say I finally am on the mend - recovery took a bit longer than I expected just due to race conditions and the fact that I couldn't take any real recovery steps until last week.  I think I lost five pounds alone the week after the race - which I really couldn't afford to lose.  I've wisely (hey, sometimes I can do that!) put off starting the training for the 2023 season for a few more weeks and have spent lots of time resting and re-connecting with the rest of my life.

The latter really was the next step - it seems that the whole concept of "not cutting my bangs" pre race really caught up with me (as in, I knew I wasn't myself and refused to make any big decisions - about anything).  Last week, finally out of my fog, I sat down and asked myself some big questions about where I was with a lot of things in my life - myself, family, friends, and work.  And I made some decisions. Some were about me getting off my own ass.  Some were taken entirely out of my hands and I was forced to acknowledge them. 

Most people take stock of these things at the end of the year, but as a triathlete (we are such assholes, arent we - always gotta be switching things up - weeks start on Mondays, everyone has a birthday on January 1, and the "end of the year" is usually October or November) my year end was now. 

 The 2023 season starts December 19th, and I'm gonna need all my shit together, so this four week block is a big focus on all the things that I feel fell below the "line of suck" during my major build.  I'm a big fan of this way of looking at it - in life, you have so many different areas that you need to pay attention to - your physical health, your mental health, your relationships (family, friends), your obligations in terms of adulting (work, chores, paying bills) - that its impossible to always "be on top of" everything.  The trick is not to let anything get too far below the line of suck for too long.  

While I do a decent job of juggling as a whole, I had some major catch up to do at work - which I have been paying the piper back for in terms of paperwork and reporting.  Major household tasks and holiday prep that fell by the wayside (SO much cleaning and grocery shopping to do, along with "making christmas"). All the doctor's appointments in the world - and- shudder- the dentist (when gu is a major food group and you grind your teeth...well...lets just say my dentist might prefer I take up yoga).  But that's the easy stuff.  The hard stuff....was the people. 

Usually, I'll fall into a funk after an A race - which was not the case this time.  I have 2023 planned out, and while that's hit a few snags, (thanks Ironman)  I'll be ready to rock going into the new year to hopefully kick a little ass, doing what I love.  I'm good with that.  My proverbial shit hit the fan when I took a good look at the people I was surrounding myself with-  the ones that have been in my life for decades, years, or months.  And I needed to really look at a few things - where were they at, where was I at, and how did they fit into my life...if at all?

I tend to throw myself into things (duh, we know this).  A few years ago, one of my buddies (god, he's a pain in my ass) called me "highly suggestible".  And in Rae fashion, I took offense to it.  Then I thought about it and realized he was right (I hate when that happens).  And in the last 3 years, being highly suggestible has led me to some amazing things - even if it scares the shit out of me, I go for it.  It's led to some incredible highs and experiences that I'll never forget.

It's also led to me falling flat on my face.  After my last A race, one of my athletes commented on how
things just happen for me.  Spoiler alert - they don't.  I might showcase a funny, shit pulled together, all the workouts are easily, smiley race persona but - its hard work.  Sometimes I doubt myself.  Sometimes that tempo run is REALLY hard.  And sometimes those highly suggestible plans and people....well, I fall flat on my face and epically fail.  Not many people see the tears, but a few do - and I love them to bits for letting me show my weakness. 

After really thinking on it, I was able to identify some things I was doing and some people that just didn't belong in my life anymore.  Some have been around for a very long time and were really hard to let go of. Or at least - to alter how they fit into my life.  Without a doubt, there is nothing sadder than someone that you used to be close to...that is now basically a stranger.  For those of you that know me - I tend to go all in on something believing it to be the very best and take it at face value.  And - if I may- that's sorely bitten me in the ass this year more times than I can count.  I have two choices - I can either change me or change the situation, and since I like me, I've opted for the latter. Some - I had zero choice on - when someone walks out of your life, you have to shed a few tears, write a few letters you'll never send, then put on your big girl panties (well, if you wear underwear) and move the hell on. And some - well, you just need to reframe how you look at them and meet their energy.  There's nothing wrong with it - its life.  And now that my head's clearer, it was time. 

While I've "cut my bangs" a few times in the last week, I can't say I'm sorry I have.  They will either grow back...or they won't.  One of my mantras in the past few years is that every time I think I've figured it out - life surprises me.  I still laugh about it - things that I thought were in the past resurface.  Friends that I could have never imagine pop up.  I've learned to enjoy it all to the fullest and allow that it might not last.  But I'm pretty confident either way, I'll roll with it.  Some things were meant to occupy your life for just awhile, and some forever.  And there's a reason for everything, even if you don't know it at the time. 

I'm lucky enough to have both. This past Sunday, I met a newer friend "Dumpster Fire Dave" (really, do you need more than that??) for my first longish run since Philly.  On the way to the run, Siruis XM (free trial yasss) was playing the top 40 hits from 1989 and as I pulled into the Fairport Landing, Milli Vanilli's "Blame it on the Rain" came on.  As I was trying to get this ever loving SHIT off the radio, Dave called to tell me he was almost there and somehow he got put on speaker.  "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??" He goes - laughing - as usual - at me.  I begged him to come save me from myself.

And he did.  Somehow in a run that was closer to 10 miles than the planned eight....and a trip up Loud Rd where there was a "little hill" (302 ft gain in 1.03 miles- I now have a new goal) - there were a lot of laughs, some yelling, and a lot of emotions as we worked our way through 80 minutes of running and two lattes post run.  Two giant fuck ups with a love of a certain amount of being uncomfortable, four letter words, and absolute no bullshit keeping it real with each other.  He somehow helped me screw my head on straight, pick myself up after this dumpster fire of the past few weeks, and leave me FINALLY feeing like myself after a month of floundering in my own headspace.  

And on my way home from the best Sunday I've had in five weeks (the last long run with Dave - coincidence?  Mayyybe) Sirius XM was once again on three hours later - apparently, cycling.  You know it.  As I drove through Penfield, Milli Vanilli once again reminded me to "Blame it on the Rain" - and of course I called Dave in hysterics, singing (lip synching?) like a damned fool.

Somehow he answered and two days later, is still speaking to me.  I think I've found a new friend.

And so we learn - that even though there are endings, whether its a season, or an experience, or a friendship - that they are beautiful and amazing in their own right. And if it ends - we gotta blame it on something....blame it on the rain, right?  (I'm sorry, please don't stop reading, I didn't turn on audio LOL)

There are always new adventures around the corner - and that some of those new adventures might turn out to be something pretty amazing.  2023....is going to be epic. I cannot wait to bring along some of the friends and experiences that have been so wonderful over the past year, years, decades....and to the new, beautiful ones that have just started and also the ones that await!

Philadelphia Marathon 2022: Sweet Revenge

Well folks, it can happen.  The 2022 season is finally a wrap.  I have lots to say (really, is anyone shocked?) but before we delve into the whole "What did Rae learn in 2022 and what dumbass mistakes will she continue to make in 2023" post - we need to write the last race report for 2022 - otherwise known as - for so many reasons - the season I never wanted to end.

It's over.  And even though, six days later, I'm still under the weather (due to the weather!) and I can't

run even if I wanted to....it ended in the best possible way.  I won't even hedge on a spoiler alert, because all of you reading know exactly what happened in Philly - you just want a good story!  Well, here it is, folks, - the 2nd attempt at a BQ  -  in Philly - and the tale of one freaking wild, epic day. Let's just say...I definitely got my sweet revenge on that first attempt in 2019!

So, the last few posts have pretty much summed up the build to this race - it was, quite honestly, similar to my 2021 half marathon training where I was a nervous wreck because EVERYTHING went well.  I nailed all my paces, loved the process, and was, on paper, ready to rock this race!  I needed a 3:39 to qualify (yay for turning 40 this year!), figured I could hit a 3:35 based off my training (again, sweet revenge from my 2019 goal), and My A goal was a 3:30 - depending on the course distance (rarely do you actually run 26.2 due to tangents, etc).  My overall goal was really to hit that 8:00/mile, though I told a few people that seeing a 7 as the first number for my pace for a freakin marathon would just absolutely blow my little mind.  I was pretty vocal about my goals, which served to scare the shit out of me even more - there was no hiding behind what I considered to be scary as shit goals. 

The taper was just as expected - early week, I had a few...okay, many... freak outs (what, you couldn't tell by the tone of my last post?) but once Friday rolled around, I was in the zone and ready to go.  The biggest worry was now the race day forecast - which was 25 degrees with 20-25 mph winds.  I had trained for the race in weather that went from 45-70, and had settled in on my pre race outfit weeks ago on my last long run - my under armour shorts, endorphin speeds, and my custom Raise tank and sports bra (stay tuned for this - I'm getting ready to officially launch the site soon!).  I had throwaway arm warmers and gloves in case it was cold - but when I thought cold, I thought 40.  I went back and forth quite a bit about this wrinkle, mostly worried about my hands and feet, as I don't run in socks (no.  ever.  and I do not get blisters.)  The day before I decided to go with what I knew, and just double up on gloves and add a base layer long sleeved shirt.  Done.  Let it be what it was.

Saturday was so much fun - with the help of some amazing neighbors and friends (THANK YOU!!), Greg was able to sherpa me and it was so needed. He hasn't been to a big race in years because of kids, and he was so damned amazing.  We road tripped to Philly with bad 90s music and about 4 bathroom stops in the 5 hour drive (yay for being hydrated - NO, I am not pregnant).  We played around with the expo, randomly ran into two of my friends from the ROC in a city of millions, and were all settled in by 4:30 at the hotel.  I made the final prep for race morning, put my feet up, and ate my standard 6th grader meal pre race of pasta and veggies (I own it.  I am not the party animal pre race, and the nerves are real.)  Lights were out by 8pm, which was for shit, because I think I got about a half hour of sleep.  No biggie - this is normal.  Race morning dawned at 3:30 - and I got up feeling strangely calm.  This would follow the whole morning - all nerves were left in Rochester. The work was done and all that was left to do was RACE!

Pre Race

Several of my friends had run this race and I was told two things - get there early to get through security and it was not flat.  Noted.  (These were both spot on). I dressed and layered, stuffed my bra stored my gels, danced around like an idiot to Ginuwine

(this is accurate, I always do this - things you now know).  I choked down a dry bagel (forgot the butter, damn) and applesauce, and was out the door in my three layers of throwaway clothes by 5:15.  

I grabbed the nearest shuttle and immediately made friends with two women from Jersey who became my new besties - Shannon and Jen.  We took selfies, laughed about training with kids, bad ideas, and within the half hour, were inseparable.  Security was a snap to get though, and by 5:45 we were in the warming tent and had almost an hour to kill.  Sweet.  We met two more guys from Jersey (apparently, the whole state decided to run this race) - I don't remember their names, but one had just done Ironman Chattanooga and told us this immediately, while his buddy rolled his eyes and said "You couldn't wait to get that in, could you??". 

 I busted out laughing and whispered to the Jersey Girls - watch this - then started swapping Ironman times, race qualifiers, and M-dot tattoos with the dude.  He looked at me a little overwhelmed and I nudged his buddy and commented - "Damn, I am such a triathlete douchebag, aren't I??"  And with the ice broken, we all busted out laughing and spent the next half hour swapping stories about racing and life.  At 6:15 I realized I better stop partying and actually - ya know - pretend to race.  I dropped my post race bag off, got in line to pee, and by 6:30 hit a quick half mile warm up and was in line in my corral, stripping down to my race outfit.

AND HOLY SHIT WAS IT COLD.  My wave was set to go off at 7:10 and I was a chattering mess.  I already could not feel my fingers and my legs were blocks of ice.  Someone's mylar blanket blew into the backs of my legs and I grabbed it for warmth thinking - this is just not good.  But it is what it is.  I still had the overall feeling of calm that had been present since the day before.  I was here to do a thing.  It was time to DO THE THING.  And before I knew it, the first two waves had gone off, our corrals gun sounded and it was time TO GO!!

Miles 1-7:  (7:35/mi)

The first few miles passed in a blur, to be honest. I'd been told that my GPS would be off, due to the big city, and to look for the mile markers and turn off auto lap.  I'm not great with manual lap, so I decided against that, but ran off of a 5-6 effort and was a little surprised when my first mile clocked in at 7:40.  (Oddly enough, only a .1 mile off, which would be the case until mile 25.  Sweet). I saw Greg shortly after mile 1 and flipped a thumbs up.  I decided to piss off everyone tracking me go with the flow and run off effort solely - we had a tailwind and even though miles 2 and 3 were faster than they should have been, at 7:16 and 7:19, I was feeling great and literally felt like I wasn't working at all.  Miles 4-7 followed the same pattern, and I hit the first (quarterish) at a 7:35 pace.  The crowd support to this point was spot on and I was all smiles (okay, fine, I was for 90% of this race!).  I hit my first gel at mile 5, right on pace, and turned to start the first of the hills feeling on fire.

Miles 8-15 (7:59/mi)

I fully expected to slow down here, due to the turn away from the headwind and the start of the rollers.  Miles 8 and 10 were the two hills on this segment, and while they weren't terrible, they were definitely noticeable and my pace slowed to match effort.  At mile 9.5, running up the second hill, I dropped my gel and my mp3 player got completely tangled in my bra.  I realized quickly that wearing double gloves might have been a good idea to keep my hands warm, but I couldn't maneuver worth shit.  I took a quick walk break, righted my tangles, grabbed another gel from my bra (so classy) and picked it back up!  I saw Greg at mile 12.5 and flashed him a thumbs up - stopped for a quick water break at the hill at mile 13, and hit the half

marathon in 1:42.  I knew I was still a little fast, but at this point, I decided to just listen to my damned body and tailor the effort as needed.

 At this point, we ran under a bridge and encountered....of course...a train!  It seemed my luck had turned with the trains of 2022, though, as this one was thankfully above us, and I briefly shut my eyes and made a wish that the second half of this race would be just as epic. I smiled again - even though I was almost two hours in, this was just so much fun and I was having the best day.  We turned into the wind at mile 14, and it got wild at this point - we had a cross wind for about a mile where the leaves were whipping across the road with a fervor - we made a brief turn into the wind and were totally blown backwards.  Woah.  Mile 15 was rather uneventful, I downed my third gel, but unfortunately hit a snafu at the water stop where the girl in front of me dropped her cup, soaking my left hand and foot.  Shit.  This was not good.  I debated the merits of wet gloves versus no gloves, and decided to keep the gloves on. I was a cold, wet mess at this point and got a little bit nervous. Then I reminded myself of the Norseman wisdom that had been passed on to me.....one day I would be warm.  Today was not that day.  Today was the day to block the pain and GO DO GREAT THINGS.  

At that moment, as if by magic, the song "Sweet Revenge" by Kat Leon came on - the song that since seeing the Norseman video clip of the 2022 race has become my mainstay during training - to remind me that I can do hard things, even when it seems tough - to make it hurt. And to kick a little ass while doing it. The athletes that race this race are amazing, and I'm privileged enough to know one of them who has been a big source of inspiration for me this year. I conjured my image of making it hurt - and of my game face - reminding myself - I COULD DO THIS. I got shivers that had nothing to do with the weather, and took a deep breath with eleven miles to go. 

Miles 16-20 (8:15/mile)

And I would need that magic, that resilience.  As we turned right shortly before mile 16, the cross wind became a fierce headwind.  Greg was cheering me on here and I was still in a good mood, flashing him the thumbs up sign! We were cold and wet, but it was still just a magical day to be out there.  I wanted it so badly. I hit mile 16 just shy of 2:05 on my watch and 2:06 on the marker (I was about a tenth off still, and did my marathon math off that). As it went, I had about a two minute buffer to hit my A goal of 3:30, but I knew this was going to be the hardest part of the course, as we had two more decent hills at miles 18 and 19, and the headwind was so fierce that when it gusted (reported to 35 mph) we were almost going backwards.  I admittedly hit a low here - at about mile 18, I took a walk break, refueled (slightly ahead of schedule - as I planned on gels at 5, 10, 15 and 20, but I was grumpy and hoped some sugar would help - its worth noting this was the first water stop I saw ANY gels so I was glad to grab a spare but also glad I had my own!). My left hand was a mess, honestly - I kept curling it in under my jersey for warmth.  I saw Runner Dave AKA Dumpster fire at mile 19, he was about ten minutes ahead of me and looked pissed (there was a story here, and not a fun one!) We tried to high five and failed, which summed this up about right.  Hit mile 20 in 2:38 and change, and then the blessed turnaround - huzzah! With marathon running, much like Ironman, it's not a matter of if something will go wrong - it will.  The trick is knowing what to do with it - do you need food?  A mantra? Remembering your goal?  This time, it was food.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - your mental game has to be fierce for this stuff.  I'm not always perfect at it but my "why" was on point during the low miles - and it would come to test me again!

Miles 21-26.38 (8:06/mi)

So, I'm no whiz at science, but I would have thought such a shitty headwind would give us immediate relief.  No such luck.  The headwind was gone but it seemed to have changed to a weird cross wind, which was fine, though I felt a little cheated - where was my free speed?? LOL.  My left hand was totally frozen, but my foot was doing okay - I picked it up for a bit and thankfully went from my slowest miles of the day at miles 19 and 20 (8:42 and 8:46) back down to 8:05-8:10.  

I rescued a water cup for a woman at mile 22, who called me her hero (aww) and pretty much stayed in my zone.  I got a little tired again at mile 22, and looked down at my watch - I was at 2:55 and change, and needed to hold roughly an 8 minute mile to hit my A goal.  I knew at this point, unless something terrible happened, I was going to BQ.  I reminded myself that a 3:32 or 3:34 was totally okay as a finish time and ...wait.  NO.  WHAT THE FUCK RAE.  I did NOT come this far to settle here. This was a mental low.  I needed to remember my WHY.  

And I thought about one of my favorites....a mantra used by someone I admire a great deal that I met  recently....and I love it.  Whenever he gets low, he channels Mia Hamm's words.... I put in the work.   I built the fire.  And it was time to LIGHT THIS MATCH. Let's DO this!  

And with that, I picked the pace back up. This was GONNA HAPPEN.  I was READY.   I hit mile 25 (the race mile 25) in 3:20 flat and I knew I could hit that 3:30.  I took off my last throwaway layer and proudly sported my Raise singlet.  My 8:05 pace became a 7:55 pace, and I saw my friend Laura at mile 26 (with Greg, who was filming and I totally missed!) and was ALL. GRINS. 

 The last mile was surprisingly uphill (WTF) but I didn't care.  My mp3 player changed over and I was ready for some SERIOUS INSPO a la Rocky style when...."Put it in Your Mouth" came on.  OMFG.  Seriously??  This song had some pretty great connotations from a few triathletes in my life (yeah, we are so mature) but also, most recently, my badass friend Jennie who joked that we would have that stuck in our head all day race day (she did IM Cozumel the same day).  I burst into laughter and then shut off the music - I didn't need it - and dropped my pace even further, crossing the line in 3:29:57 - per my Garmin - all. freaking. smiles. (Actually, the photos suggest I smiled the whole race, which is pretty accurate.  I had the damned time of my life!)

Post Race

HOLY SHIT DID THAT JUST HAPPEN???  As soon as I hit stop, I realized a few things.  I just absolutely KILLED my goal - Boston Qualifying by ten minutes.  I hit my A goal of 3:30 (official race time was 3:30:08 so I must have hit my Garmin a little late to start) and ran 26.38 miles at a 7:58 pace. A SUB 8 PACE FOR 26.38 MILES.

 OH MY GOD!!  I won't lie guys, I started to well up to cry ugly tears.  The guy next to me who had also just finished and I had a hug it out moment and I told him how amped I was - random strangers at the finish line are the best.  I smiled for a few photos in a daze, then started chattering uncontrollably. I had the sense to keep moving - sadly past the post race food of bananas and granola bars (WTF).  I was able to grab some chicken broth, which was a lifesaver.  Grabbed my morning bag and found Greg, who gave me the biggest hug and helped me put on some warm clothes. This guy was all over the place and the best damned sherpa a girl could ask for.  THANK YOU!

I'd like to say that we immediately found a shuttle and got warm but - when in Philly.....well, you know.  Of COURSE I ran the Rocky steps!! I was so damned happy, you guys - and probably a little delirious.  After doing the thing, we found a shuttle bus, got our car, and headed home - with the biggest smile on my face!

It's easy to pull apart a race after the fact and say "what could I have done".  I know the peanut gallery at home thinks I went out too fast, and maybe I did.  But with the course elevation (which was NOT flat at 955 ft, most of that between miles 8 and 19), the layout, and the placement of the winds, I think I did exactly what I needed to. 

 Split in half, I ran a 1:43/1:47, and my last 6 miles were faster than the six miles that preceded them.  I never hit a wall.  My heart rate was in zone 2/3, save for 4 miles at zone 4 on a hill.  My effort level for the whole race was 5-7/10.  I honestly - wouldn't change a thing.  And even though there's a 1% piece of me that wishes I would have an "official" time of 3:29, there was an extra .08 mile between miles 26 and the finish that I didn't expect, I went off my watch time, and I would honestly - change nothing.  Totally out of my control.  And seriously, who slams an A goal then complains about it?? 

Six days later, I still can't run.  My legs are doing alright - but the rest of my body is in need of a rest. The weather, wind, and race effort completely tapped me.  I spent a few days low key sick, and I'm honestly not sure I've even eaten enough to adequately re-up my stores.  Food has been hit or miss.  This is a new one for me - I've never felt like this post race.   And....I don't care at all.  I have never walked away from a race all smiles and not wanted to change a thing.  And I still am in utter shock that I will be running the Boston Marathon in 2024 - I can't believe it.

What's next?  Off season, baby.  I've spent a lot of time this week sleeping, recovering, and spending quality time with my family and friends amidst the holiday.  I'll go low key for a few more weeks then kick it off mid December for 2023.  And what about that?  Well, that's a post for another day.  Today - we are still all smiles and my heart...well that's in Philadelphia.