Ironman Training Block #5 - Can't Help Me Now

Sometimes, I wish I could write posts in my head that would magically transcribe themselves into a perfectly formatted blog and - voila!  I could hit publish.  I've written some pretty epic (in my own brain) posts while out for a run or ride and then forgotten the majority of it when I finally have a chance to sit down and transcribe.  Maybe I need one of those voice to text thingies.  Wait, I already struggle to ride my bike as is, while paying attention.... scratch that.  I suppose you'll just have to wait for my navel gazing as is.  We do the best we can.

This post is a little overdue - Block #5 "in theory" ran from April 18-May 15 - reality....is another story. As is the last month.... months? of my life right now, it's a story, a process, a struggle, and possibly a little bit closer to our end goal of 140.6 (TBD).  Let's talk.  I'm going to address this one in more of a linear fashion, as the progression of this block is best told in a timeline.  

Block #5 started out with a bang. In going with the theme of 2022, life continues to pile up a little bit too much unnecessarily, and I put my head down, stare my goals right in the face, grit my teeth, and get it done.  Block #5 brought the training volume up 18 hours per week - which - when you factor in the full-time job (thankfully that can be flexible at times, but still requires 40-50 hours a week), my second job of coaching (yes, this is my own doing, I admit it, but I love it), my littles, family, the two boards I sit on, friends and - guys - my plate is full. Overfull.  I get asked quite a bit how I manage it all, and the answer is, I don't know.  I'm a master of multi tasking, I don't sleep much, and I love (most of) what I do?  I'll probably need to re-assess at some point, but in my self proclaimed mid-life crisis year, I'm spot on in this trainwreck, thanks.

Felix the Felt...he's so ready to race!

With that being said, this block, I needed to start really being judicious with my time.  As in, my natural reaction of saying "Yes" to everything took a backseat - and since I also suck at boundaries, this was quite the test!  Between my non-negotiable life commitments and the workload of training, I found myself often just "getting it done" - cold mornings, tempo runs on little sleep, and odd long training session days.  

Right off the bat, I had to flip around my long run of 20 miles in week #1, due to some weekend visitors.  The first five days of the block were epic, including that 20 miler - I ran the first half solo and the second half with my buddy Hugo - the pace was fast and I felt awesome.  Unfortunately, post run I had to life right away, then ride, then had company all night, which was crappy recovery.  I met another buddy for a ride that next day and completely fell apart a half hour into the ride - I've ridden with this friend quite a bit and he asked lots of questions about my training load, which, I'm sorry to say, I took a little more personally than I should have, and it colored my perception of my training stress way more than it should have one week into a build.  Lesson learned - remember, you know your own situation best, and its important to be honest with yourself about your levels of fatigue, one way or the other. (Spoiler alert - I did not learn this lesson until several weeks later, which is also my forte).

As luck would have it, week #2 re-sorted itself nicely after that rest day on Monday.  My speedwork on the run and ride was spot on, my long ride on Rouvy riding the IMDSM course - 110 miles in 5:27, nailed it (holy shit if I hit that race day I'd die a happy girl), and a solo 18 mile run with some good rollers, all nailed.  Perfect.  I'm indestructible! Nothing can stop me!  I'm so gonna rock this Ironman!!

And then week #3 said....hold my beer. It started off just fine, with a long set swim, which was

consistent but felt a little sluggish.  No biggie.  My tempo run felt awful - I nailed the pace but it was way harder than normal.  I started to re-think the week but said, self (and I knew it was me, cause I recognized my voice) anyone can have an off day.  Put it aside. Get it done.  The next day was a 4.5 hour ride.  90 minutes in, I called the audible.  I just had absolutely no desire to be on the bike.  At all.  It wasn't physcial - my legs felt fine.  But I could not talk myself into this stupid ride.  I pulled out all my tricks - picturing race day, remembering how much I loved the sport, and even sending out some inspo seeking texts (which my guys delivered on beautifully like the amazing friends they are) - nothing.  I didn't have time to redo this ride, guys.  It was do or die.  And...I died.  

In typical Rae fashion, I tried to negotiate my way out of it.  I figured I could ditch the ride, do Thursday's swim on Wednesday, shift Thursday to a semi long ride, and salvage this last week of build.  I got changed, ate a snack, and drove to the pool.  And sat there.  In my car.  Staring at the building.  Completely conflicted.  I called my best friend and just cried.  I rarely let go like this and admit being vulnerable....and I just could not even do this.  I was so incredibly mad at myself - as a truly type A person, I don't believe in giving up.  Because.....if I give up once, doesn't that make it easier to do so next time? 

One of my slow jams, Rob Thomas's "Can't Help Me Now", summed it up....and when I got home.....I listened to that sucker on repeat for the rest of the day, mulling it over...

And we fall, and we break
And we turn our inside out
And we're lost in a daze for days and days and days and now
But I thought that I could turn it around
But I don't wanna fight
I don't wanna cry
I don't wanna leave
But I don't wanna be here, be here now
There's a bad taste in my mouth

When DO you throw in the towel?  Is it wise sometimes to truly know when it's better to take a step back if your body and mind need it?  

Turns out, yes, yes it is.  I had built in time for this to happen.  A free week because of life or these types of situations....I actually thought I wouldn't use it, but turns out week 19 is the magic week.  So, I heeded the wise words of my best friend (I am so lucky I married that guy), turned the car around, and came home.  I spent the next few days doing low key workouts as I wanted to, when I wanted to, how I wanted to, and with whom I wanted to.  It was perfect.  It was exactly what I needed.  And I bounded into block 6....the final build....ready to go.

It didn't hurt that I got to watch Ironman St George the weekend after I fell apart - watching Blu, Kat Matthews, Ryf, and MY BOY LIONEL do some serious shit up - in the perfect setting, the same stage I got to do World's 70.3 just eight months ago - holy crap.  What inspiration.  What raw grit.  And again, why I do what I do.  And while I won't be cruising past Braden Currie to bring in 2nd....and my backdrop is a cornfield...I'm ready.  Block 5 was...our short block.  We are done with that. 

The big dance at the end of this next block is just five weeks away (as of May 8!).....one week of build, my first multisport race of 2022 (Fly by Night Duathlon), two more weeks of build....then taper time.  Then....ITS IRONMAN, BABY!

Ironman Training Block 4- Clubbed to Death

And here we are, four months into the IMCORN  Des Moines journey!  With just eight weeks left to go, it seems incredibly odd that I'm in what they would call the "home stretch" of training...I have one more build block to go, then its time for a little race simulation stuff and then....taper.  What?  It's gone by so darn fast, faster than any other Ironman training program I've ever done.  I have a few thoughts on that one...its possible that since the rest of my life has been so nuts, I haven't ruminated much on the actual enormity of training this time around - on the weekend I schedule the work for the upcoming week, get it done during the time allotted, then move on.  I also tend to multi task a lot while training - whether its working while riding my bike, combining run time while hanging out with friends, or swimming while....well, ok, fine, its just trying not to drown at that point, I guess.  You get it. 

Either way, the way life has been in 2022, there's been no other way to tame this particular beast, which I tend to see as a benefit - my little overthinking mind usually questions every workout, every pace and every tiny little thing about training, and its been rather refreshing to implement the "FAFO" method - as I dubbed it to one of my running buddies - aka, the "Fuck Around and Find Out" plan.  How will I fare?  We shall know in 8 weeks!  Either way, let's take a look at this last block.

Physical

This block in particular brought me some pretty darn good distance training - I got up to 4800 yd in a swim session, a 5 hour bike session, and a 20 mile long run.  In the upcoming block we will push it to 5000 yds, 6 hour ride, and 22 mile run, and that will be my max distance until race day.  The increased volume is new to me - this block around I hit anywhere between 16-17:30 hours for the build portion, which I have never done before ( I think I hit max 13-14 hours for the last few Ironman's, which is now standard fare for 70.3 distance since 2019).  Again, this is all formulated with a combo of Friel, borrowing from my 2021 70.3 workouts, borrowing from other athletes I train with or talk to about training,  and adding in a dash of Glaser as I see fit. As I've gone through the block I have sorely missed having a coach in some ways (the feedback, in particular), but in other ways I'm glad I've been driving the bus - with my life schedule the way it is, I'm totally in control of when and how I do my own workouts.  Again, I'm tracking what I do and how I feel, but June 12th will really tell us how this one goes, so stay tuned - I know you're on the edge of your seat here.

In terms of execution, this block has been incredibly well done - suspiciously so, in fact.  I had one tough long ride I broke in two (running off of 3 hours sleep) and one tempo ride I had to dial down in week 3 (again, lack of sleep).  My other two long rides were excellent (4:30 and 5:00), my week of riding outside felt on point (save for the one ride in the hail and windstorm, that, despite my jokes, was not race simulation KEN, thankyouverymuch), my 3 long runs were suspiciously well done...at 16, 18, and 20 miles...and...I felt like I could have kept GOING, which is wild.., and all my longer swim sets (ranging anywhere from 400-800 repeats) have felt spot on.  I was tired after the 3 weeks of build and took the recovery week well, working on form and bike skills (did you guys know that bottle cages actually were made for.....water bottles....and you can use them as such?? (yes, I know.  But keeping it real.  Let the record show that it took me sixteen years of racing to actually grab a bottle while riding...yikes!))

In terms of tempo and speed, this block also fared well - I got a great tempo run in with my buddy Jeff (he possibly tried to break me and I'm a stubborn bitch dedicated athlete), killed my v02 max bikes, and hit new swim PR's (if you want to call them that) in the 50, 100 and 200 distance.  Score.  

In a nutshell, this block was a giant success.  Suspiciously so, in fact.  But that's more about my mental state...so lets move on...

Mental

With perfect timing, the recovery week of this block fell on Easter, with Easter brunch the last day of my recovery. I'm pretty lucky that most of my extended family has an interest in my annoying obsession with multi sport - my 72 year old cousin still runs 5 and 10ks, and my other cousin (in his 30s, like me) does crazy shit like hiking the Pacific Crest Trail (twice).  Someday, the two of us have ambitions to have a fun family vacation at Frozen Head State park....for the Barkley marathons...but I digress.  Either way, it really heals to have some people that get my crazy - and actually are interested in it!  

This time, it was my 80 year old cousin, who is a retired Marine (semper fi!) and while he isn't a triathlete, was an avid volleyball player up until a few years ago (he used to recruit me to play until he realized I have a profound talent for bumping the ball backwards...there's a reason I don't play team sports).  As we tucked into brunch, amidst our discussion of Ironman, he asked me about the mental component of sport.  He'd been reading up on it and wanted to know - in my opinion - how much of what I did was about mental toughness.  I looked him dead in the eye and replied - at least 90%.  

And this is even more so when you tack on the distance. Ironman is about long training, sure, but its more about talking your mind into what you're doing. Because your mind will give you so many reasons to quit way before your body truly needs to.  It's about being 45 minutes into a 5 hour ride and wrapping your mind around the fact that you aren't even 20% done.  It's about getting up at 4am, shivering through your coffee, and getting into the pool before most of the world is awake.  In the mornings.....when its cold.  When your kid has kept you up most of the night.  when you cant shut your brain off at 4am.  When your head hurts.  When your legs hurt.  When you have six hours of meetings at work and half your staff calls off. When TR says the workout is a "stretch".  When 8 minutes into 44 minutes of tempo, your legs are crying, your chest is heaving, and you cant pull any type of mental HTFU out of your soul.  what do you do? 

Its about....remembering your WHY.  

Because at mile 60 of the bike, or at mile 4 of the marathon on race day....its gonna get tough.  Something's gonna go wrong.  And the training you did under less than stellar conditions....helps make you tough.  I have a buddy that routinely gets up at 4am to train for Ironman - he's damned nuts, but when I wake up at 5:30 and scroll Strava,  I see the insane amount of watts he just put out at 4:15am and I get my ass on the bike or off to the pool.  Some days, I don't want to.  Some days, I spend the entire hour streaming "Clubbed to Death" in my matrix themed sports bra, while looking at my inspo wall in the basement, chanting out my "why" and remembering that I am, in fact, a stubborn triathlete who detests the words "can't" and "no".  This usually works.  And it will hopefully pay dividends on June 12th.  Having a powerful WHY makes all the difference.  And despite the sweat and (sometimes) tears, I absolutely love everything to do with this sport and am so incredibly excited about Iowa.  And that mental piece...is just as...if not more...important than any physical training I do. 

Emotional

In addition to the mental piece, being in a good emotional spot is also super important.  This cycle, I'll be honest - most of the time, I felt like the only thing that as going well was my training.  As I've blogged about routinely - this year is just not going according to plan.  Every time I turn around, something's changing - and it's usually not for the better.  I've had to call in every coping skill I have, along with some boundary setting (which I hate) and in some cases, walk away from things that were costing me too much of my emotional health.  Through all of it, maintaining the balance of life and training has been tricky.  I've been careful to routinely check in with my husband and kids to take the

temperature of this process - while life is a balancing act, sport is always a space that should be the accommodating one for other areas of life when necessary.  I've moved workouts, scrapped workouts, and done them early, late, or around other obligations.  Systems check at home are a go - my kids are excited about Mommy's training and also ready to head out on adventure the second I walk in the door - Greg has been amazing about my 3 hour runs, because on the other weekend morning he gets to sleep in or do his own thing.  Again, balance.  Having my family on board has been so helpful and on my end, I do whatever I can to maintain that equilibrium.  And I'm lucky to have a life that I can flex out and juggle to accommodate it - even if I am exhausted by 8pm each day!  I'm also so DAMNED EXCITED about June 12 - sometimes during a run, or long ride, I just picture the excitement of Ironman again - it's been four long years and I cannot WAIT to play like a little kid in the fields (of corn) in Iowa!

So there ya go.  Heading into block 5- which includes my first multisport race of 2022 (Fly by night duathlon), some longer runs off the bike, and nutrition testing...and the final full block before the big dance - we are ready to go!  LET's DO IT!

Ironman Training Block 3: Remember the Name

 And here we are again, at the end of another training block.  For those of you keeping track at home (please tell me you aren't, it's ridiculous enough how much I navel gaze) we are at the end of block three - or - halfway through this journey of Ironman Iowa (also known as IMBDSM, also known as IMCORN).  This training block has been pretty interesting, to say the least.  Well, if this sort of thing holds your attention.  If not, I'll ham it up with my usual ridiculous banter.  Either way, settle in for the ride! (pun intended)

Physical

Coming into Block 3, I was admittedly a little apprehensive.  Block 2 sucked.  Horribly.  As a one off, I would let it go, but if it held any pattern, I was going to need to rethink a few things about my goals and dedication to this Ironman.  

As someone wise (not me) once said, "If you don't like your circumstances, you can either change them, or your reaction to them" and that's how I treated this block.  Some I couldn't change, like family stuff, and some I really could - like my job (no, I didn't leave my job, but I'm certainly changing the way things operate within it), my social circle (focusing on those that challenge and bring out my best self, and not needlessly drain me), the way I approached training (positive and goal based and...a process...rather than pure failure or success with minutiae) and the company I kept while training (non dramatic, supportive friends).  

Small order, right?  Right.  I was down for this.  Since we focus on those last two for a review of a block, I'll just say that with regard to the first couple (family, work) that although there were a few challenges in the first 3 weeks of the block (the actual build) I did a pretty decent job of compartmentalizing outside stressors and not bringing them into my training. However, with regard to the last two - the positive, global approach to training and the company - this block completely kicked ass.

We can focus on the goal based training for the physical recap - I reminded myself that the goal of Ironman is consistent, steady pace.  And that speedwork on the bike and run were important, but the building blocks were a steady, sustainable pace. This worked out pretty well - while my speed still needs some work in block 4, I'm improving at Vo2 max portion of the bike with my new FTP, which is encouraging, as the bike is my biggest "growth" area.  I admittedly slacked on running speed work this block - for week one, I tabled it for a Bay run (which one could argue was a tempo 16 miler, with seven miles at a sub 8 pace) and for week three, tabled it for my five mile race (which did NOT work - see race report). Live and learn, right? Either way, we have some goals for block 4, which include sticking to a speed work plan - its a weakness, and while it shouldn't impact my Ironman much, it will serve to help the portions of the course where I need to put more effort out (hills) and also help me out for a few shorter races I plan to do pre Ironman as a dry run.  

I will say that this block was a real success for the tempo work and the long sustained work.  I got up to a 4 hour 15 minute ride, and a 16 mile run.  Success.  This does well for the overall "time in the saddle and on my feet" goal - I'm really pleased with my bike so far, and one outdoor ride in the glorious sunshine of a fools spring gave me even more confidence!  While it was windy and a bit cold, my fit seems to be on, I felt super comfortable in the saddle, and if not for parenting duties and the fact that I couldn't...feel my feet, I would have stayed out for hours.  Can't wait for more outdoor riding weather!

The tempo and long stuff for the run was also a huge success, which I'll attribute to a few things - first, a little bit of flexibility on my runs - looking at the mileage and working with the weather and my schedule to get them accomplished, and second, the company I kept. Which leads us to the mental portion of our recap...

Mental

 As many of you know, I love training solo - I did it for fifteen years - but the addition of buddy runs and rides started in 2019 really have upped my game, both in terms of mixing friendship and sport, as well as athletic gains.  This block was FULL of reminders of why I love this sport - I did three long runs with friends - one bay run with my throwback crew (there is nothing like swapping tri-romance drama at 7:30am with a bunch of dudes I've known for fifteen years), one city run with a new tri buddy, Hugo, and one step back run with Blair, a freakin fastie that kept me entertained and going way faster than I should have (famous last words!).  I did some easy runs with Gary, Matt, and Laura, and have a new crew to do long runs with in block 4 that feature sub 3 hour marathoners, curse words, dumpster fire jokes, and beer.  Life is good.  This not only upped my physical game, but also made the training enjoyable - when you spend 15 hours a week training and have a full time job, family and kids - there often isn't as much time as you would like for friendships.  The no filter, long run, sweaty, I'm gonna tell you everything about my life runs are the BEST.  And they were well worth the tweaking to my "plan" and made the block a real success around tempo and long runs.  

I also took the block to focus on the workout at hand, rather than using it as an escape - which was huge.  Usually I channel anger and frustration at workouts, which works sometimes, but also can lead to doing the easy stuff much too fast and burnout on the fast stuff.  Luckily, I got thrown no "sad life" curveballs until the last day of my build - I don't train well when I'm sad, and that left my recovery week for sad training, which is perfect (um, solely for training perspective).  My slow runs rocked out for most of recovery while I jammed out to sad songs - while this is tongue in cheek for life, in a vacuum for training, I nailed recovery, so there's that - we are POSTIVE focused, people!

Emotional

Guys, I'm ready to rock this Ironman.  I feel absolutely spectacular about my whole block and recovered well - and am READY to go.  This upcoming block we will focus on a few things - speedwork, Vo2 max work, and lengthening the run and ride (hopefully outside!)  I'm continuing to monitor my boyfriend Lionel Sanders via Facebook and YouTube (I even earned a stalker top fan badge on Facebook!) and subscribe fully to his 30-40 rule - that the training is not just one or two good workouts, but the ability to string 30-40 consistent workouts together.

I'm monitoring and studying the course.  Bike is up on Rouvy and we will ride it.  I'm connecting with friends that share my passion and dreams and talking to them - whether its fan girling picking the brain of my new superhuman former pro friend about his training, running with my IMCORN buddy, or talking bike components with the husband - its all about the dream.  This block is about what's important right now - the key life stuff, like family and friends - and- Ironman.  I can feel it.  I can taste it.  June 12- eyes on the prize.  

One of my new jam songs that I randomly found while listening to Youtube is called Remember the Name.  Is my new go to "Let's get it done" song, and I'm loving the lyrics of the chorus (it's an excellent run song- check it out!)

This is ten percent luck
Twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure
Fifty percent pain

and A HUNDRED percent reason to Remember the Name.

The name - IRONMAN.  Let's get it DONE!

Running of the Green 2022: Dumpster Fire

And 2022 Race season has officially commenced!  Although the title of this post might indicate a sob story, let me reassure you, you won't need tissues.  Maybe something to stifle a laugh or eye roll but hey, that's about standard for this gig - you know how we roll here. On to story time.

Johnny's Not Johnny's Running of the Green 5 miler is the official kick off  party race of the Rochester race season - the last big party we had was in 2019, which is where my year of awesome began.  We don't talk about 2020, where we subbed in our own version dubbed "Dirty Leprechaun" or....2021 where we just drank and didn't even run.

2022 brought it back.  REAL LIVE RACING BABY!  This event is just awesome for so many reasons.  All the people are there.  There's green donuts and beer.  And after two years of COVID, a thousand of us were ready to rock and roll with the return to racing!

I have quite a history with this race.  I've done it at least a dozen times since I started running in 2005, and the last time I raced in real life, I almost cracked a 7 minute mile with a finish is just over 35 minutes and ended up in the front pack of women.  I had ambition to break 35 this year - or bust, baby!

I forgot one small thing.....in order to race fast, you have to train fast.  Whoops.  In 2019 I was almost solely run trained with at least one tempo and one speed session in the midst of fifty plus mile weeks.  This year....well, I've done two speed sessions in the last five weeks, and out of my fifteen hour trainng weeks, about five hours of them are running, with roughly 30-35 miles run per week.  What could possibly go wrong?

Oh right. I was also at the tail end of a build block, so I was coming off of three straight fifteen-sixteen
hour training weeks.  I took zero time off pre race, and while I didn't run the day before, I swam hard and rode.  The plan to break 35 was solid.  No problemo.  I see no barriers. We'll get back to the less cool part of this post - the actual race.  The part I want to focus on is the party!  Pre race I did all the things one should do (note the pink *sarcasm* font)- I drank coffee, ignored food, gave out hugs, hung out, and took pictures.  I was undecided if I wanted to rep Roadkill, RATs, or Reapers, so I wore all the singlets, layered.  I laughed.  I caught up with friends.  I ignored going to the bathroom.  I *did* manage a quick warm up - quick being the operative word, as I found a few friends out for a warm up and tagged on, running way too fast for my own good - Marcus, Dave Bradshaw and Matt Blodgett kindly indulged me as I made sad jokes about how I managed to keep pace with them for a mile (this was an 8:00/mile, people.  I know when I'm out of my league.  Happily, I have no shame).

Pre race I gave Greg a smooch and wished him luck (he, unlike me, rocked this race)  and ran into Barry, the lead biker and friend, who gave me a beer back in 2019 and after a sip I managed a PR.  Since this was as sound a strategy as any you've read so far in this post, I gave him a hug and joked about my beer.  He opened up his bike pouch without a second wasted and handed me a cold one.  Without hesitation, I shot gunned it and headed out to git r done.  (Please note that this race report could also just as easily be titled "What not to do in order to PR".  But we already had a pretty cool title rockin', so just keep in mind that's my working subtitle .  There's more). 

Aside from that sub 35 ambition, which I knew deep down was a silly goal, my backup goal was to find someone zoomies and just hang on as long as I could.  I had a great selection - my speedy friends Jeff, Blair, Laura and Sean were all signed up and right next to me when we started out the race (psst....they all ran 6:30-6:45 pace....spoiler alert....I did not).  I set a loose "B goal" of 36:00, which would be roughly a 7:10 pace, which seemed more reasonable.  Jeff's goal was a sub 35, same as Sean's, so I lined up with them toward the front third and before I knew it, we were off!

Right off the bat, I knew my shoe choice was dumb - I opted for my zoom shoes, which are Saucony

endorphins.  Since I've been wearing them for 5 months, they don't have much zoom foam left, or I forgot to charge the batteries on the engine feature (that's a bad joke), but they felt kind of gross and also don't handle bad weather well - it was snowy and slushy out (and windy, but more on that later) and I slipped right out of the gate.  I didn't bite it, but I carefully did the navigating clear road/dodging/weaving run around for the first half mile a little slower than I wanted, and by the time I had clear road, I had lost all my rabbits.  Dammit.  Either way, mile 1 was rather uneventful, over the bridge and clocked in at 6:54.  

The pace I was holding post first mile immediately felt crappy and I slowed somewhat, taking it down a notch.  Mile 2 wasn't too bad, but I knew I had taken it out too hot and clocked mile 2 in 7:10.  At this point the cross winds were pretty decent, but seeing the leaders come back through (its an out and back) was pretty cool, and took my mind off the fact that I was pacing beyond my five mile reach.  I took a quick break uphill to catch my breath halfway, and thus began the ridiculous descent of my race - cutely dubbed the dumpster fire for a reason.  Check out this speed profile:

I probably could just end the post here, but that wouldn't be any fun.  See the nice (albeit slowing) blue line of progression that's solid until about 17 minutes in?  Yep.  That's me running.  Those little dips?  That's me walking.  We don't like that in a race, especially a five miler (to my personal standards).  See the red line below?  That's my heart rate.  Its not going in the right direction either - we like that to be pretty constant.  It might rise a little bit the first ten minutes as you warm up, but the continued increase as I slowed my pace meant....I cooked myself.  Ego over brain, baby.  It's a thing and happens to the best of us.

Needless to say, the return trip back to the finish line was not as fun.  While I hit the first half to pace nicely for my 36 minute goal (just under 18 minutes) the pace was not sustainable, and I knew it. I grabbed a cup of water at the aid station from my friend Josh, who yelled encouraging things about looking fast (he's such a sweet liar), and began the painful journey back.

Mile 3 had little going for it, except I got to see all the fun people heading toward the turn around - some strong Roadkill racers, RATs, Greg looking awesome, and a bunch of RWB teammates (which I am slightly part of).  Everyone, despite the crap weather, was having a blast and it was so great to see.  This high lasted me until about mile 3.5, when I said screw it and walked again.  (Mile 3 = 7:26) Again, this was the dumpster fire ensuing.  I must have totally looked like real shit at this point because a passing runner slowed to see if I was ok, which I lied cheerfully about and begrudgingly started running again.  Mile 4 - 7:35.

I looked at my watch as I (walked) up the Ford St bridge and saw a sub 37 in my future if I got my head out of my you know where (I was also running tangents like shit and about .1 off the course mile markers).  Fine.  Screw it.  Lets end this. I picked it up to a respectable pace and ran it in, with the last quarter mile a little showy for my Wolfpack fam and cheery speedsters at Roadkill (Something about putting on a good face?) and zoomed it in for a 36:52, and 7:13 overall pace, oddly, not too far off my B goal pace.

Post race, I grabbed a water and hung around chatting Ironman with the Dave's (Bradshaw and Hansen), discussing Kona dreams (theirs, not mine) and waited for Greg to finish, which he did in a kick ass time of 41 minutes (nearly a PR!).  We headed inside for green donuts and more socializing, which really, with perfect hindsight, might have been smarter for me to skip the 36 minutes of pain and just stuck with what I came to do anyways.  But do I ever learn?  Nah.

I shook out 8th in my AG out of 91, and 30th overall woman out of 535.  Not quite 2019 standards, but for my crap timing, pacing, and attitude, I'll take it.  The socializing aspect was top notch so we will call one out of two not bad, and roll with it.

Aside from the jokes, was I a little bummed about this race?  Sure.  But once I stepped back and looked at my training so far for the year, I was in no shape to run as fast as I wanted to - so it was more about unrealistic goals.  I laid down some amazing times last fall in the 5k and half marathon- because I did the speed work.  That's not the focus right now, and I'm ok with it.  Evidence to support my theory included a really strong temp ride Saturday evening and kick ass fifteen mile run the day after the race.  Clearly, I don't have a fast engine right now.  And to cover 140.6 I don't need raw speed - I need consistent effort over several hours on the course.

And now that we are nearing the end of block 3 of training, I know you're all dying to know how that went.  Well, stay tuned, folks.  There's always more to chat about.

And about dumpster fires?  Well, among all the friends I saw at the race, I managed to land myself smack in the middle of a new group of runny friends, complete with two sub 3 hour marathoners that want to take me on some long runs.  The smack talk is already great, complete with dumpster fire gifs and completely inappropriate jokes.  I can't figure out what they want with me, but I'm gonna roll with it - and according to Dave, the lead smack talker, "All good race seasons begin with a dumpster fire".

I don't know about that, but I'll roll with it.  So, with that note, bring it 2022 race season.  Up next - Fly by Night Duathlon on May 14!

Ironman Training block #2 : The Middle

Well, hello friends!  It's about time for a little Ironman recon - I'm absolutely late for a block #2 recon (Jan 24-Feb 20) but since this is my show, my rules, I'm still gonna do it.  (Thanks for hanging in there with me)

Going into this block, I was super amped - I had a wildly successful block #1 and was riding a high on the whole thing - I felt amazing physically and was mentally focused, and emotionally ready to go slay 140.6!  

What's that saying, make plans and God laughs? Seems accurate now.  As any of you that regularly read my blog or follow my Facebook bullshit know a little bit about the month of February - namely, what kind of shit show it was.  Seemed like everything just sort of smacked me in the face - work, family, and other interpersonal stuff - and my ability to juggle it all spectacularly collapsed.  Usually I can train through this stuff as a stress relief, but this time I was not as lucky - along with all the mental stress, the second week into the block, my training took a turn for shit and started to suck as well.

When I say suckage, there was a level of suckage that fluctuated - most days I got the required amount of work in, but anything having to do with intensity I spectacularly failed at.  Off of block 1 I had a new FTP and could hit none of the paces for tempo or V02 max.  I bailed on two speedwork sessions for the run, and became the Queen of slow, easy work - when I could handle it.

I'd like to say I handled this with grace and looked at the big picture, but I don't make a habit of lying to you - the whole concept of this blog is an honest snapshot of wannabe athlete of a certain age (lol) trying to navigate the whole messy process of life.  So let's take a look in depth of what a true shit block looks like...and what to do about it. 

Physical

Going into block two, I felt reasonably decent - rested after recovery week and ready to rock.  I nailed my paces in week one then completely blew most of them in weeks two and three.  My long stuff equally suffered - one long ride was cut short due to a life emergency (now sort of resolved) and one long run interrupted due to weather and begrudgingly finished on the treadmill.  My intense work began to suffer in weeks two and three - I could not wrap my mind around a totally normal run speedwork set (kilometer repeats) and blew it two weeks in a row.  For my V02 max work on the bike, I would nail it for the first minute then die the second minute.  Was it my new FTP?  Lack of sleep?  Life stress?  Less of a desire for eyes on the prize?  Well, the last three are all mental and emotional, but for the first piece, I'm not sure.  At the time I felt like I could give no more, but as I was conceptually aware (post tantrum throwing) that physical and mental work together, I reverted to "just get the time in" for this block.  I'm fortunate in the fact that my first A race is not a high intensity race, and for Ironman training, base trumps speed.  It was, in fact, the only thing I could tell myself to feel any better about the situation whatsoever.

Mental

This was my key player.  When life hands you a lemon, you can possibly make lemonade gu and work through it.  However, when there's a gigantic lemon tree in your front yard producing a bumper crop, after awhile - you catch as many lemons as you can and then dodge the rest.  Such was training.  No loner could I shelf a problem and go for a run, or even work the problem out during the run.  It was a logistical nightmare to try to map out the training and I went into most sessions being depleted - of either sleep, nutrients, or the ability to focus on the execution of the workout.  And this was really very evident.  After many, many, struggling thoughts of WTF is wrong with me, I finally gave up and said to myself....self (and I knew it was me, cause I recognized my voice) you are doing the best you can.  Its February.  You have almost four months to go.  Take the setback now, do the best you can, and work through this block.  If it still sucks next block, we can talk about it then.  But now...one step. at. a. time.

And once my kinder self took over, I embraced that strategy and limped through the block.

Emotional

In this case, most of my emotions tended to align with my mental state - which was completely hopeless.  I talked to a friend of mine about the process and he asked a key question - Did I still want to do Ironman?  Or was I burned out?  and I unequivocally answered "of COURSE I want to do it" and had no qualms.  I wish I could say this came about in the beginning of the block - it didn't - but once I had that answered, I remembered my purpose.  I took a little break from my kick ass run playlist and played some old throwbacks - including one from my college days - Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle" - and this became my anthem for the rest of the block

Hey, don't write yourself off yet

Its only in your head you feel that odds are looked down on

Just try your best - try everything you can

.....

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle

And that reminded me - hey - you're trying your best.  It's ok.  You're doing all you can.  And In week 6....7....of a 24 week plan....you're (not even) in the middle.  Get this shit out of the way THEN go kick some ass when it matters!

***

Once my recovery week came along, I was more than ready for it.  It was a week pre winter break, where my mom was scheduled for surgery (she is in physio rehab now and ok), both kids were off school (yay for enough vacation to cover childcare needs) and a bunch of work went wild.  I took the week to step back from training and into life and hit Block 3 on February 21 with all the verve and a clean slate, ready to rock.

How did it go?  You'll find out in two weeks, but let's just say....a shake up was never a bad thing, and sometimes the motto really is....two steps forward and one step back.  Either way, its relentless forward progress. (An excellent book, in case you were looking for one!)

Cheerleader

 Wow.  Just...wow.  Sometimes you sit down and put things into the ether and wonder...is there anyone out there actually reading?  Does this mean anything to anyone? 

And yes....yes, you are.  The amount of responses I've gotten via text, Facebook, and phone about my last post are...staggering.  And they really come down to two main camps:

1.  Girl, are you ok???  Let's talk.  Sorry I've been so busy dealing with my own seven million things - I'm there.  Let's go sledding, have a glass of wine or scream together in an open field.  

2.  Girl....same.  Same.  Luisa was made to make us realize that we ALL are going through this shit - we are all completely overwhelmed and no, it's not all sunshine and rainbows.  This shit is HARD.  And I'm also struggling, too.

For those of you in camp 1 - I love you guys.  Really, I do.  I'm not jumping off a bridge and even though I'm totally overwhelmed with life, this was not a cry for help.  It was an honest assessment of where I'm at and, quite frankly, the necessary prerequisite for some much needed change in my life.  This is where it starts.  And I would LOVE to catch up on the phone (yes, even though I jest, I do talk on the phone), go play in the snow, or have a beer.  I also want to hear about YOU, give YOU a hug, and remember how even in all the mess of the world right now that we have each other.  Even though its been days, months or even years, we do have each other. 

For those of you in camp 2 - I feel ya.  Really, I do. I'm aware that as the requisite shit poster on Facebook, all you ever see from me are crazy memes, kiddo pics, and annoying posts on how I went out and did so many damned miles at o crazy time.  It's easy to assume that I have all my shit together and this post was also meant to show that...I don't.  It's easy to post things through rose colored glasses or goofy things but - I don't have it all together.  And...it's ok if you don't either.  Let's lean on each other and have that drink, throw snowballs, or help each other out when we can.  This shit is HARD.  We are stressed, we are overwhelmed, and I am here if you need me.  I love you!

Either way, its given me plenty of food for thought about mental health and the idea of cheerleaders.  I mentioned it last post, and I'll say it again - especially right now, we all need them. Cheerleaders.  Possibly the males reading this post are envisioning cute little skirts and hey, whatever floats your boat - but for the rest of us, what I mean is...someone that encourages you, supports you, and wants you to succeed. 

I used to go through life just assuming everyone was in my corner - now that I'm a bit older (perhaps not that much wiser TBH) I realize that's not necessarily the case.  But I also am learning that I really do have those special cheerleaders out there that really, really want to see me succeed.  Some of them show up when I least expect it, some are there when I really am ready to throw in the towel, and some of them are always quietly there for me.

They are special people.  For the longest time, I also felt like I had to be a cheerleader for them as well.  And as I continue to go through this crazy rollercoaster, I'm learning that that isn't always true either - there are some people that cheer me on and are there for me that have their own cheerleaders or don't need that from me in our relationship.  Likewise, I have some excellent friends that I am a cheerleader for that I don't go to when the goin' gets rough.  They are such fantastic people in so many other areas of my life and are EXCELLENT friends, but that's not their role in my life.

And that's ok.  Any great relationship is never going to be equal on all fronts - as long as it balances out with the give and take in the end and you both feel like your life is better for having them in it - that's phenomenal.  Sometimes they evolve and those relationships are kept, and sometimes they dissipate as the world changes and we change.  

Either way, especially right now - when we are all feeling so much, so much of the time, and it's hard to see out of it - give yourself grace.  And deep breaths.  And even as someone that's feeling that surface pressure so hard core right now - I know - we WILL get through this. Even if it doesn't look like we thought it would, or we come out the other end a little bit different (which, to be honest, isn't always a bad thing) we will. 

And I'm here for you.  Truly.  I'm sending out love, hugs and that invitation for coffee, wine, beer, runs, or a hug.  I love you all. 

Surface Pressure

One of the best parts about having kiddos is definitely the cool pint sized culture perks.  You grown ups can have your craft beer, comedy clubs and new clothes.  I'll take sizzle water (Rob's name for seltzer), my running hoodies, and Disney.  namely, Encanto.  This movie's been all the rage among the littles for the past few weeks, and while there are certainly people we don't talk about whose names begin with the letter "B", there are definitely  characters we DO talk about.  Like Mirabel - Rob identifies with her and likes her better than any other Disney character.  Me?  I'm in love with Luisa.

This "muscle lady" is unlike any other female character I've ever seen Disney put out and I am absolutely obsessed with her.  She's the requisite "strong one" of the family - not only handling all the heavy lifting of objects, but...all of the heavy lifting.  Her anthem "Surface Pressure" is one of the most relatable Disney songs I've ever heard in my life - I found myself playing it on repeat for my long run last week and jamming out and nodding with every beat.  She sings about the crushing weight of expectations, worries about carrying it all, no mistakes - just pressure, and how people never have to wonder if the same pressure would have pulled them under.  

Typical.  Uplifting a bunch of asses.

Guys, I feel like she's singing to me.  And I'm sure so many people feel the same way - fellow parents, bosses, athletes, all of us.  And, especially this week - it really got me thinking - how do you deal with all that surface pressure?

Answer?  You don't.  And the past week has absolutely taught me that.  I usually am on here talking about digging deep and getting it done, making jokes about when the going gets tough and touting the mantra that "you CAN do it!"

But sometimes...you can't.  You just can't.  There is, in fact, a line of "suck" in your life and there's no way that everything can always be wonderful all the time.  And I think most of us accept that - even as reticent as we can be to admit that our healthy diets get derailed by a busy week with takeout, our training goals sidelined by a sinus infection, or our perfect family and personal life balance takes a dive with a call that tanks your life at 10:00am on a Monday.  It happens.  And we move on.

But sometimes - that surface pressure - makes you crack.  And you need to step back and say, "Guess what, I can't do it all" - and hand the ropes off to someone else - or just flat out walk away.

This was that week for me.  I was the one with the sinus infection - which made me feel like crap.  I got the call at 10:00am Monday that completely threw us as a family, as parents, and as far as life goes in the near future.  I finally called the audible at work after keeping quiet about my struggles for years.  And I was in fact reminded that the idea that people are good - even ones I consider friends - isn't always the case.  

It's been a hell of a past six days.  For some of it, I could find a way to pivot - my speedwork became a tempo run, my long ride became...not so long.  A pool session derailed by weather became an easy run.  Fine.  I'm not a damned pro and my A race isn't for four months - swim, bike, run might be my sanity saver, but even I know when a workout isn't in my best interest.

For most of it though....I couldn't pivot.  I've cried more in the past week than I have in the past year.  I've said things to people I never dreamed I would have the nerve to.  And I've put my head in my hands so many times and wondered what, exactly, the hell I'm doing with my life.  

It's been....awful.

But...lest I dwell on that portion...I've also really found out who is in my corner.  Some of these angels have shown me time and time again that they really are there for me, no matter what.  Some of them, I never expected it from.  And while I spent most of today in a people coma, trying to breathe out of my nose and just be still and recover....and not have to fix any problems for once....I remind myself that even though the surface pressure is there and I feel like I'm going to crack....I do have people to catch me when I fall.  And even if I identify with Luisa...Mirabel, who is struggling to find her place in life...does so with her family.  And even though half my "family" isn't related by blood - they are 100% there for me.  And I'm so grateful.

So - here's hoping some of this settles.  One thing I'm learning, slowly but surely, is I can't do it all.  And....I don't want to.  Finally admitting that has been a pretty huge relief and while I have no idea what's in store, that surface pressure is abating.  I don't have to juggle it all.