One of the best parts about having kiddos is definitely the cool pint sized culture perks. You grown ups can have your craft beer, comedy clubs and new clothes. I'll take sizzle water (Rob's name for seltzer), my running hoodies, and Disney. namely, Encanto. This movie's been all the rage among the littles for the past few weeks, and while there are certainly people we don't talk about whose names begin with the letter "B", there are definitely characters we DO talk about. Like Mirabel - Rob identifies with her and likes her better than any other Disney character. Me? I'm in love with Luisa.
This "muscle lady" is unlike any other female character I've ever seen Disney put out and I am absolutely obsessed with her. She's the requisite "strong one" of the family - not only handling all the heavy lifting of objects, but...all of the heavy lifting. Her anthem "Surface Pressure" is one of the most relatable Disney songs I've ever heard in my life - I found myself playing it on repeat for my long run last week and jamming out and nodding with every beat. She sings about the crushing weight of expectations, worries about carrying it all, no mistakes - just pressure, and how people never have to wonder if the same pressure would have pulled them under.
Guys, I feel like she's singing to me. And I'm sure so many people feel the same way - fellow parents, bosses, athletes, all of us. And, especially this week - it really got me thinking - how do you deal with all that surface pressure?
Answer? You don't. And the past week has absolutely taught me that. I usually am on here talking about digging deep and getting it done, making jokes about when the going gets tough and touting the mantra that "you CAN do it!"
But sometimes...you can't. You just can't. There is, in fact, a line of "suck" in your life and there's no way that everything can always be wonderful all the time. And I think most of us accept that - even as reticent as we can be to admit that our healthy diets get derailed by a busy week with takeout, our training goals sidelined by a sinus infection, or our perfect family and personal life balance takes a dive with a call that tanks your life at 10:00am on a Monday. It happens. And we move on.
But sometimes - that surface pressure - makes you crack. And you need to step back and say, "Guess what, I can't do it all" - and hand the ropes off to someone else - or just flat out walk away.
This was that week for me. I was the one with the sinus infection - which made me feel like crap. I got the call at 10:00am Monday that completely threw us as a family, as parents, and as far as life goes in the near future. I finally called the audible at work after keeping quiet about my struggles for years. And I was in fact reminded that the idea that people are good - even ones I consider friends - isn't always the case.
It's been a hell of a past six days. For some of it, I could find a way to pivot - my speedwork became a tempo run, my long ride became...not so long. A pool session derailed by weather became an easy run. Fine. I'm not a damned pro and my A race isn't for four months - swim, bike, run might be my sanity saver, but even I know when a workout isn't in my best interest.
For most of it though....I couldn't pivot. I've cried more in the past week than I have in the past year. I've said things to people I never dreamed I would have the nerve to. And I've put my head in my hands so many times and wondered what, exactly, the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's been....awful.
But...lest I dwell on that portion...I've also really found out who is in my corner. Some of these angels have shown me time and time again that they really are there for me, no matter what. Some of them, I never expected it from. And while I spent most of today in a people coma, trying to breathe out of my nose and just be still and recover....and not have to fix any problems for once....I remind myself that even though the surface pressure is there and I feel like I'm going to crack....I do have people to catch me when I fall. And even if I identify with Luisa...Mirabel, who is struggling to find her place in life...does so with her family. And even though half my "family" isn't related by blood - they are 100% there for me. And I'm so grateful.
So - here's hoping some of this settles. One thing I'm learning, slowly but surely, is I can't do it all. And....I don't want to. Finally admitting that has been a pretty huge relief and while I have no idea what's in store, that surface pressure is abating. I don't have to juggle it all.
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