Monday, November 12, 2018

The Sweetest Days

The day started out rough.  In an effort to be good parents yet also have a little fun, Greg and I designed the weekend on a balancing act - enough activities to keep the kids busy, but not too busy; among friends, but also being creative on their own; spending time with us, yet giving us a breather.  Friday night was a simple family night, yesterday we got errands done (this kitchen remodel is so much fun...said no one, ever) and then went down the road for couple's game night/kid hangout.  Greg and I have been lucky enough to meet some great people through Rob's school - not only do the kids get along, but so do the moms and the dads.  A true bonding through sugar, alcohol and dirty board games - what more could you ask for? Last night we started out innocently enough with Scattergories (love that game) but after the beer and gin began to slow, switched to a somewhat more expressive game.    You've not lived till you've acted out "36-24-36" to your husband and two more couples.  And that was a tame one.

It was a great night, but also a long one - and when the kids don't get to bed until 10 and your other half indulges a bit too much - well - let's just say it was a bit of a rough morning.  Kids were grumpy, Greg was grumpy, and I was about two seconds away from a freak out (or two seconds past-use your best judgment) - when we decided to bring the kids to the Y to give mommy and daddy a break and release some of their pent up energy.  Did I mention how much I love our damned gym?

Greg went to lift while I worked out some frustration in the pool - blowing off steam actually works, even if it ain't pretty - I managed to whip out my fastest 100 ever, and then settled into some well meaning mediocrity.  Even though I swear I'm getting faster, apparently I still look like shit in the water.  I ain't mad, though - I did manage to lap the guy next to me a fair few times (does it count if he was in his 70s and blowing bubbles in the deep end half the time?  No, it does not.)  After I got out my annoyances, I managed to have a somewhat sluggish but cathartic swim, and the day seemed that much brighter.  Post swim, we had a great lunch, and  I went out for a beautiful, relaxed run in the sunshine.

It was nothing special and everything special all at the same time.  I loaded up my mp3 player with some relaxed tunage from when I was a kid and just breathed deeply and relaxed.  And thought about things.  About life.  About my family.  About everything and nothing.  And I realized that the hub bub of the past 10 months has really put me in a position to run from A to B to C without thinking about any of it.  Which led simultaneously to a vague sense of dissatisfaction and connection to nothing.  And that made me sad.

I got sick a few weeks ago- nothing big, just a cold - but it took me over two weeks to shake it free (literally, I had no idea that my nose possessed so much snot making ability - look at me being all special like that).  It was the annoying kind of sick - where you feel like crap, can't breathe, can't eat, can't have a decent workout - but not sick enough to lay on the couch and watch shitty movies.  Lame.  I'm sure its a combo of the cesspool of germs at the school that both my kids delight in sharing with me (thanks guys) and the massive amounts of stress brought on in the last 9 months with work, Ironman training, marathon training, and personal drama.

Enough.  Even the most type A's can admit when they are forced need to take a break.  With all this rushing around, I've forgotten what means the most to me.  To breathe it all in and enjoy.  To enjoy this time with my kids - it won't last forever- to enjoy this time in my life when I am lucky enough to run (and even not look too terrible in said running shorts) - to enjoy the time with friends and family (maybe even a bit too much, but hey, who's counting), and just to be.  Seems like the perfect time of year to let go of all the crap and just breathe in the things that make me smile.

Back when Biz was a baby, my godmother (she who is master sensei of all) sent me this little gem -

Of course, this will make any mom of a newborn cry.  But I remembered.  As I raised my babies I was very careful to love every sleep deprived second - to realize that I was tired, that I was overextended, but that each baby snuggle was so precious because I never knew when it was the last time.  I haven't hit that stage too many times with Rob and Biz - sure, we had the last time they passed out on my chest (god I miss that), the last time they nursed (that, not so much!), the last time they crawled.....but most of those sweet things still exist - the snuggles, the hand holding, the napping together, the excitement to hug, kiss and see Mom....and it's time to remember to treasure each one and put the rest of my stress in perspective.

As Vanessa Williams said...these are the sweetest days....we'll know (oh you bet I was jamming out to her).  They might not be perfect, they might be filled with daily obstacles, but here they are.  Time is fleeting...and you never know when something that fills you with joy will be...the last time.


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