IMTX Block 4: Tick Tick Boom

And in the blink of an eye, it's almost done.  Block 4 and the final block before taper ended Sunday - again, this was a 3 week block with two weeks of Peak Volume followed by a week of recovery, where once again, life took a turn and smacked my recovery straight in the face (what, its not wise to drive 24 hours in 3 days, most of it overnight?)  Oh I kill myself.  But I'm getting ahead of the story.  Lets talk about this peak week crap, otherwise known as "Where Mean Dude Tried to Kill me" (It didn't work.  Hah).

The concept of peak weeks aren't new to me - its pretty typical that in the span of Ironman training that there will be a few weeks of ridiculous volume about a month out from race day, and this was no exception.  The volume for my max weeks averaged 21-23 hours each week, with a few key long ass workouts - namely, a 6 hour ride followed by an hour run, a 20 mile run, and a 4000 yd straight swim (okay swimmers, you can stop shuddering - we do this exactly once to just fucking do it.)  The rest of the build was just adding on to other workouts, and mounting that fatigue.  The key here was to set those three workouts up so that I was ready to rock it with both the nutrition aspect and also get an idea as to my numbers for race day.

As expected, we prepped as well as humanly possible and dealt with the shit when it happened.  Globally, I set up the two weeks in advance for life by doing a lot of meal prep, scheduling playdates for the kids (I have the best Mom friends!) and accepting quite a few early wake ups, ranging from 3am on.  Ironman is not glamourous by any stretch, and there is a time to dig deep and ask how much you want it....and I really, really do.  My favorite lifeguard at the Y helped me out here - during week two, when I was seriously dragging at the pool, he chatted me up and we were discussing my likelihood of survival.  Flippantly, I told him this was just "an experiment with thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours to see what I get out of it - NBD" and he looked me dead in the eye at 5:45am and asked "Like a trip to Hawaii?  How bad do you want it?"  Answer - Pretty fucking badly.  The desire to go to Kona is strong here, folks.  I'm fully aware its a crapshoot on the day and that anything can happen, but the laser focus is all there and I plan to throw  everything i have at this goal., 

In terms of execution, the two week span brought much of what you would expect - some successes and some "character building".

The Swim - As luck would have it, the heater at the Y was on the fritz during this span, which meant that a few swims I did - the water was in the upper 80s.  Holy hell.  I appreciated the nod to the tropics, but sadly, they do not allow margaritas on deck, so I absolutely muscled through some of these sets as well as I could, adjusting for conditions.  And while it sucked, that's about right - I don't expect the water to be mid 80s in Texas, but the day will absolutely bring something unexpected, so we roll.  My big swim went well, and I felt pretty good about that - I have a pretty accurate read on what I can expect to do on race day, which was the goal.  I am by no means a swimmer, but I get the job done with not a ton of effort, so we have held on to that this cycle and I feel good about it.

The Bike - Man, I'll tell you. I have been feeling pretty good on the bike - but its always a tough thing, because the weather this time of year is just not conducive to riding outside.  I got a few short shivery rides in, but most of my riding was still indoors this time around.  There were a few 3am wakeups to get it in, and two long rides - 5.5 hours and 6 hours, where I posted a few questionable videos and Mean Dude debated checking me into an asylum (to be fair, he thinks that a lot and I don't blame him).  With the being said, all long rides were successful  - I have my nutrition dialed in and my plan for the day.  A few issues popped up here - my HRM died, and so we learned how to go off watts and RPE - I ordered a new one, but it was a good reminder that shit can happen race day and that backup metrics are a good idea.  (I have never been through an Ironman where all my tech worked, so if this is the time it craps the bed, I am happy about it!)

The Run - Well, you guys know this is my fave, and there was no exception.  I had a little snafu during week one, when my long run was split - 9 in the morning and 10 in the afternoon.  I'm fully aware of the logic of this, but my body did not respond well at all.  I hit the run goal, but felt like I got run over by a bus afterwards.  Happily, my runs off the long bike were spot on - with the help of Laura, my amazing neighbor and fast becoming bestie, who does a great job of letting me cry with a side of "Get in loser, we are running" to remind me what my goals are and that I'm a tough bitch.  God I love her.  My last long run - a 20 miler, was absolutely perfect - I had no HRM so went off RPE and hit the pace beautifully.  I haven't spent a lot of time here talking about numbers, but the fact that my 20 mile training run was at a faster pace than my last marathon PR pace was awesome - on day 13 of peak efforts.  Suffice to say, unless its a zillion degrees on race day, I feel good about the run!

All that other stuff - Is what it is.  At some point, I will stop being surprised at the wild curveballs life throws me, but again, the past four months have included zero of what I expected, in terms of sport, life, and family and friends.  I'm positive I will write some ridiculous navel gazing post while I am tapering (get excited) but for now, as I am so damned tired and in need of looking at the positives...I'm highly focused on being so incredibly grateful for the people that have been in my corner this go around - of course, my coach, who really is the opposite of mean (except when he forces me into zone 2 at hour 5 of a long ride), my swimmy friend Bear, who again, brought me a survival care package during my most stressful peak week (I LOVE YOU!), my runny friend Laura (waxed poetic about above) who has just been there for me for everything - as someone who is used to just getting it done, the idea that I have such an amazing friend to check in and also get my butt moving during a tempo run is beyond amazing - AND she does cheesecake deliveries! My friend Billy who just lets me cry and listens to my endless sob stories without judgement, and, of course, my neighbor Kelly, who takes my kids, feeds me Costco chicken, and lets me collapse in her backyard post workout failure and cry like a little kid.

It's again, amazing what life brings you when you need it most.  And as I pen this, I am admittedly three days into taper and giving up caffeine, so I might not have all my devices - but I do know that while Ironman is a solo sport....I could never do it without my tribe.  And if you asked me 6 months ago who that tribe would be....I never would have known it to be most of these people.  I love you guys.  So much. You have no idea how much you mean to me. 

Ten days out from IMTX.....what's left?  No caffeine (screw you mean dude). Five days left of NY, then a long road trip to TEXAS and taking on Ironman #5 - I CANNOT WAIT! Next update to come from the Lonestar state - stay tuned!

IMTX Block #3 - You Learn

Well hello there!  Two blogs in a week?  I'm on a roll.  (Or something like that)

So, just to mess with me, Block #3 for IMTX was a little different(c'mon mean dude!) - rather than the standard three weeks build, one week recover, this was a two week build and one week recover.  Which means, as I write this, I'm on block 4 already (Yes, still alive)- but with the insanity that this week has brought, I'm a little behind (apologies). 

Block 3, again, was wild - by this point, some things are second nature - I rarely have a day off, but one day a week is only a swim, which works perfectly.  I'm used to HR training, and the different style of nutrition and increased bricks seem to be working out rather well. I literally have never been on this aggressive of a calorie input during cycling (did you guys KNOW you needed fuel to do fast shit??  I KNOW).  In other words, I'm hitting all of my deliverables - and at the end of a build week, set a new 5 mile PR (and a 5k PR nestled in- woot!) for road racing!

What could possibly go wrong?  Duh, it was time for a mental breakdown! Naturally, when everything is working, the next step is to start dissecting why it can't possibly BE working, right?  With Texas a little more than a month away, at this point in the training game, I reverted into every Type A bullshit triathlete tendency - to pick apart WHY it wasn't working. WHAT we needed to change.  WHO was saying it looked wrong.  In other words, I became my own worst enemy.

First and foremost, I'll start off by admitting that my own little world outside of training, quite frankly, is a giant mess right now.  I won't get into details, but at some point, I'll address it more fully- but for brevity, in 2023, it seems as if the only thing I can hold together decently is this damned training. That's not a pride thing. And for what it's worth, I've debated pausing this Ironman more times than I care to admit - but it wouldn't fix anything I have going on outside of it. (This is not meant to be rainbows - I'm being real - it's not perfections and unicorns). So what do you do when you can't change something?  You change the way you look at it.  And in my case, I dealt with it a few ways - and the first one had nothing to do with multisport.

So, anyone that's anyone got an earful from me this past month. That's not necessarily a bad thing -   I've simply said what's on my mind. I think...I just got very tired of keeping everything inside and opted for that whole "20 seconds of courage" state that led me to some very wonderful and some very stupid places. (Note that I don't regret either).  I opened up to people and shared what was going through my head and what I was struggling with (hello, brave post) and honestly - I am so damned glad I did. 

I have a few relationships that are stronger for it, one that's hopefully on that path, and a few that...might not be.  But as I am fast learning, you can't dodge turning 40 and all that proverbial bullshit that goes with it - seems to be that mid life crisis will show up in one way or another. (Damno).  Why not do it fully? And so, I'm jumping. Maybe sometimes off of a cliff....Some of my world has been rocked, for sure, but at the end of the day, I'm feeling so much stronger and so much more ME than I have in awhile. And that is damned awesome. 

I also found out this cycle who is NOT in my corner, which was foreign to me.  I'd never really thought about the fact that some people....might not be what they seem.  Or might have an agenda. Or be on my side.  Et Tu Brute?  And I'll tell you....while some of those individuals did not shock me, some of them holding the knife after stabbing me in the back shocked the shit out of me.  I still shake my head at it, but I'm learning to deal with it and move on.  You can't win 'em all. And at the end of the day....I'm stronger for it. 

With that....I cannot even fathom the people that have caught me during this cycle.  It has been wild.  I never....ever....realized what a crazy strong group of amazing friends I've had....and this cycle taught me that all around. That I don't always have to kick ass.  Or be strong.  And that it's okay to admit it.  Mean Dude is one of them - this guy barely knew me four months ago and has just been so in my corner I thank my lucky stars every day our paths connected (and even though I won that race bet, I'm aware this dude is gonna need alcohol and therapy for the shit he deals with.  I'm on it.)  As far as "training" goes, its a mix of Mean Dude's vision and some key players that made this block kick ass. 

What, we need to talk about triathlon in an Ironman post?  Fine.  Let's do it. 

It starts with the swim.  There have been a few key differences in my swim that had me concerned, and after making the pivotal mistake of trying to compare my new plan with my old plan, I fell down the rabbit hole of doubt because of the differences.  So, of course, I whined to Mean Dude, who, the amazing guy he is, listened and offered two things - rationale and compromise.  What a damned coach. Have I discussed how freaking awesome he is?  He listens, explains, and even caught me crying this time around.  And he hasn't run yet.  Damn. 

  Right after that conversation,  I swam a TT best for the 2000 and told him I was a fucking idiot.  He laughed at me (that was the point) and we had a good conversation about what it looks on the outside, the bigger picture, and the WHY of my current plan.  Point taken.  It's really hard to trust when there is so much on the line, and ever since I have started working with Mean Dude, there is zero reason not to trust.  This re-affirmed everything I needed to know, and even though there will be more mental game as we get closer, I feel much better. 

 I also have been caught....both in the pool and out of the pool...by my new friend Bear more times than I can count this month - someone I just met last summer has become such a wonderful addition to my life, whether its 5am smiles at the pool, a burger and a beer and chatting about life, or surprise treats to cheer me up as I navigate a tough time.  I still don't know how some people cross my path, but I am forever grateful for it.

The bike has been a constant here - the biggie on the bike has been nutrition.  Mean Dude has me on an aggressive intake, which was foreign to me but is working SO well.  I am running strong off the bike and I hope this translates well to Texas! All the long rides are so structured and timing for HR and nutrition, that I am never bored.  I rode 5 hours during this block with only music and it went by so damned fast.  Even though my outdoor rides ill be limited this time around, the goal for block 4 is to get some short and sweet rides in to work on handling, putting on my aero helmet correctly (whistles innocently) and not biff it in T2 (Whistles even more innocently). 

The run - continues to be amazing for a few reasons.  I'm getting faster, feeling stronger, and I have my crew.  The dumpster crew.  God these guys are amazing.  Whether its a group Dumpster run through the mountains of Fairport with Dave leading the call, or a post 100 mile off the bike T run with Laura keeping me sane - the pickup line of "Get in loser, we're going running" is strong.  I've laughed during these runs.  I've cried during them.  I know all their shit and they know mine.  And these are from people I just met last year.  I cannot believe how vested they are in me as a person and athlete and I am so incredibly grateful.

It's been such a full year already, and I have no idea where it will take me - but I am feeling so strong.  I love every minute of it - and continue to post all my dumb shit on Instagram and Facebook so y'all can laugh and follow along - not with the numbers, which will be important on one day - April 22 - but for the WHY.  The WHY is strong, and even though I've got support from places I never expected...I am so incredibly grateful for it. And that might be the key this time around.  For years I have felt like an

imposter and now...I don't.  I feel like I belong.  And that I'm ready....for whatever life brings. 

Aside from the SBR, there's all my other wonderful friend that have helped address that "headcase game" this time around.  For my older sisters...the one that talks me off a ledge regarding my stupid decisions and the one that offers to drop everything when I'm falling.  For my twin....that will let me ramble about training and life ad nauseum and remind me to kick ass....damn.  And for that 3am that reminds me who the eff I am when I need it - and exactly what that means.  I Am. So. frickin lucky. I don't think about that enough.  But I recognize it. 

As I write this, race day is less than a month away.  I have no idea what that will look like, and it for sure looks a hell of a lot different than I thought it would even four months ago. And you know what?  I'm gonna roll with it and bring it. 

Because.... I want it.  And I love it.  And I'm ready.  Bring it, Texas!

Running of The Green 2023: Take You On

And with that, we have officially kicked off the 2023 racing season!  Woot!  Last weekend was "Running of the Green" 5 miler, formerly known as "Johnny's", not formerly known as Prince. This race is pretty much accepted as the start of the Rochester race season - we have a few winter races aptly named "Freezaroo" for the idiots brave people (that's not me), but St. Patrick's day (ish) has always been our season opener where the running community all gathers to celebrate running, beer, and and partying! (maybe not in that order)

I have done this race several times dating back to 2005 - I hit a huge PR back in 2019 when I decided to actually be an athlete (I know, jury is still out) of 35:24 - and have been itching to break it since.  2020 and 2021 we don't talk about (though we did do a pretty sweet "Dirty Leprachaun" race in 2020 - and ahem, that was about as fun as the name implies). In 2022 I was ready to drop the hammer - and had a complete dumpster fire of a race that ironically, led me to one of my new running besties, aptly named "Dumpster Fire"! (Why do you people read about my life??)

So, here we were, 2023!  This year was again off a build week in a prep for Ironman, where last year taught me - you can't race speed if you don't train it.  Turns out, I don't listen very well (are you surprised) so I set my goal  the same as 2022 - to break that 7 minute mile, which was a sub 35 (depending on course length.)  My 7:01 pace from 2019 irked me in stupid ways - I never thought I had any business running that fast, but here we were, and of course, I wanted more. By at least 2 seconds a mile.  Sights set for this year - a 6:59 pace, whatever that was by race distance.

According to Mean Dude, it was a 34:59.  Deal.  Mean Dude runs a lot faster than me, so we made what he considered a fair bet for the race - I got a 6 minute "head start" so if my time was less than six minutes off his, I won.  More, and he won.  The stakes were high here - a dollar and a beer.  Woah.  We are big players! (With serious race faces).

Leading up to the race, I had a big build week, much like 2022 - Thursday I did a 100 mile ride and an hour run off the bike, and was working with increased volume as Ironman is the real goal here.  Friday was light (way to stack the deck, Mean Dude) and Saturday I had some pretty legit instructions that poor Mean Dude tried to give me both pre race and day of.  I was completely listening the week of and not at all the morning of.  He'll learn. 

If you know me at all, the concept of "super serious" is usually not my MO race day, especially with local races - at least until I toe the line and pretend to be an athlete. I've pretty much made friends with dozens of runners through the craziness of our sport - and continue to meet new ones every time we get together to party race!  I repped the Roadkill team this time around, but hung out with the RATs, Grim Reapers, Wolfpack, RWB, and my fellow dumpster runners.  It was a total social hour and poor Mean Dude finally gave up on me being a serious athlete (does he not follow me on social media??)  about a half hour in, but he at least talked me into a warm up...but not out of my fuzzy green mustache that I donned pre race. (Win some, lose some).  

After prancing around like an idiot and meeting a bunch of new people (Blake Landry where have you been my whole life (he wore the stache better)) I finally got down to business and headed out to line up. The weather was so so - slushy, cold and slight wind that would make the trip back tougher, but nothing crazy.  The course was new for the year - a little more elevation, more turns, but fair.  I had explicit instructions from a few friends that my only goal was to beat Mean Dude, but I forgot my rocket shoes so the race was on!

Mile 1: 6:23

What in the ever loving shit was that??  My instructions were to not go out too hard, and according to my inner perceived effort, this did not feel hard (note that I would find out WHY in about 20 minutes LOL) but the fact that the second fastest mile of my life - ever- was at mile 1 was a little concerning.  I felt great, though - and what do we do when we make bad decisions?  Well, we own them with pride and move the hell on!

Miles 2 and 3 were pretty uneventful, at 6:50 and 7:04 - I passed the Fleet Feet cheering section just before mile 2 and was informed I was 2 minutes back from Mean Dude (apparently this was now a thing!- I also got my update at 4 miles in (4 minutes)) and saw the dude himself before I hit the turnaround.  He looked awesome.  I was totally faking it.  As I turned, a headwind hit me in the face and now I understand the speedy "out" portion of the course - whoops.

I hit the 5k in 20:42 which was another PR - I'll take it but slightly concerning in the fact that I had almost two miles to go....have I made a grave mistake?? (possibly) (yes). 

The back portion was fun only in the fact that I got to see all my favorites as they killed this course - I had four athletes racing and they all netted some pretty sweet times, two of them PRing and the other two surpassing their goals!  Me?  I was hurting.  I was running low 7s and the only thing that kept me going was this random Roadkill girl I kept leapfrogging with - I want to throw some kind words her way but there were none.  Hit mile 4 in 27 and change and knew that if the course was 5 miles (it wasn't) and I dug deep, I would hit that sub 35.  

So I did what I do best right now - I amped it up and figured if I went down, it would be swinging.  My concept of pain has been really redefined this year (I'm not sure its a good thing, but in this case it was!) so I've gotten much better at battling it.  Roadkill girl passed me with a half a mile to go, and I stayed on her heels, almost biting it at the last left turn on some slush (graceful, I'll never be).

The last little bit weas all uphill, and I could see the finish line ticking at 34:15, 20....and my coach was absolutely losing his shit on me to move my ass (in the sweetest was possible!)  Of course, I gunned it in - and crossed the finish line in 34:42 - for 5.07 miles and a 6:51 pace.

I'd like to say I threw a party at this huge PR, but instead I tried to throw up as Mean Dude and the Dumpster fire team congratulated me - I took a few minutes to become human again and found Roadkill girl, who's name is Alexi and now we are running buddies (funny how that works).  She is training for the mile.  I'm training for Ironman.  This is perfect.

Caught up with Mean Dude who posted a 29:30 which means - he is a badass - and also - I WON THE BET.  HELL YEAH!  I was doing my little dance (and Mean Dude was probably seriously questioning my energy post race) when one of my favorites called my name - IT WAS BARRY!  Barry, a fellow Grim Reaper (I told you, I join every team) and I have an excellent history with beer and this race, and the awesome dude that he is, cracked a cold one for me right at the finish line.  Awww.  (Poor Mean Dude was a little sad in the background he lost - but super happy as a coach!)

I hung around the finish to cheer on the husband and my athletes, who all did great.  A quick results check - and holy crap - I placed!  3rd in my AG out of 78 and the top 5% of women - and I'm blown away.  Last year was such a crap show that I couldn't believe I had found my zooms for this race, and I'm super happy with the result - there were some speedy women as this was a USATF prize purse race!

We hung around and ate donuts he size of our faceand socialized with new friends - the husband wasn't feeling great and disappeared for a bit (poor guy - don't worry, I played chauffer and got him into bed when we got home) but was good enough to hang so I could get my super fun pint glass and socks as an AG award.

Team Dumpster Fire took it home with AG awards, and Mean Dude won his AG - it was such a good day - good racing, good party, good friends.  

And you can't ask for more of a season opener!  The day after the race Dave (Team Dumpster - left) took Laura (Team Dumpster - right) and I on a 16 mile long run that included Loud Rd - with almost  1000 feet elevation gain total. So glad we took it easy. Ooof.  Because....what's next?

Oh just some little race in Texas :)  5 weeks, baby!

IMTX Block #2 - Brave

 And once again, it's time to intermingle life and sport - are we surprised?  Nah.  Recovery week is almost to a close for Block 2 (and what a recovery week!!) - and this block brought a little dose of reality into the dreamworld that I constructed at the beginning of this whole new way of training.

Sounds about right, when you think about it.  I started off the first month of training like any new relationship - everything was bright and shiny.  So much excitement! All the new things!  I love it!  Full steam ahead with a bouncy ponytail and into everything head first- some parts were different, some  were scary, some that were OMG just what I wanted. Mindset - I'm killin ' it.  This is AMAZING.  And everything just clicks!  (Insert girl giggles and fairy tale vomit inducing Facebook posts).

And it was.  Such a great first six weeks.  Everything worked.  Fast miles. Long bike rides. Swim sets off the hook.  Dancing and laughing. The workouts were hard - but I was on fire!

And then...reality intervened.  We had some equipment fails - an internet outage mid ride that led to a quick transfer of zwift on my phone and two hours of dead ride with no music or anything on the trainer.  (Talk about head game!) A treadmill that cut out into the second half mile repeat and stopped completely for an update (this would be after my sad defeat of trying to run in a snowstorm that left me grumpy to begin with - WTF).  A pair of leaky goggles that forced a water dump after every 100 during a hard send off workout that I was struggling with to begin with.  A swim cap split 200 yards into a 3000 yard effort.  Yowtch.

A frostnipped big toe (this was my own damned fault, but come on).  An annoying cold that forced some workout shifts during week two - can't hold power on a bike when you can't...breathe out of your nose.

And so it goes.  

Some of this stuff was workable - as I have said before - Ironman training is not sexy. It's the repeat of the daily grind - fitting it in at 4am or 8pm when necessary, forgoing lunches and flexing wherever you can to preserve what really matters in life - and when things go wrong (and they will), learning how to fix it. How to pivot and try something different on the fly.  How to adjust and get creative to solve the problem.  During race day - things will go wrong and you need to be able to flex your game. It's all part of the day.

But SO much was going wrong.  And of course - working with a new program and a new coach - there was no basis or foundation for him to know me and understand that I was not being a whiny little brat - but that this was not the stuff dreams were made of. That shiny "Rae is invincible" exterior was crumbling.

And I hit that wall where I had to make a decision - where are we gonna go with this?  Can we move past that shiny infallibility and dig into the real stuff? - which, you need to in order to go anywhere for anything real btw - otherwise its play or just potential unrealized.  No one is shiny all the time, and when you dig into really getting to know a person - you're gonna have to admit that.

....that's hard.  Speaking from experience, whenever you let someone or something new in your life, especially when it means a great deal to you - the day of reckoning will come.  When you have to call the audible. Can you show them the unpretty you? Can you move past the surface stuff - the funny jokes, memes, and playfulness - the kicking ass stage - and really let them in? In my personal experience, this usually falls about six weeks to eight weeks into something new.  Until then there is almost a "fake it till you make it" shiny exterior where you can push through and show the persona that you want the world to see - whether it's to someone in particular  or yourself.  And until then I was....super athlete! Do all the workouts.  Hit the numbers.  I am killin it. 

Until I wasn't.  And much like the 2nd season in a show...or that sophomoric music album.... it was a make or break moment.  Can I step back - and admit where those non shiny parts are creeping in?  That I can't kick with my toe because its still kind of whitish?  That I struggled during that ride? That I need to scrap a bike because I can't nose breathe or my anxiety is so high I can't hold recovery HR??

Turns out, I can.  And when I admitted it - something wild happened. As you can tell by now, one my my biggest assets is my tenacity and stubborn "get it done" or "fix it" mentality.  Turns out, that's a huge weakness as well.  But for someone that routinely struggles to admit fallibility or needing help - it's really hard to admit it.  And...quite honestly, the last few times I have admitted needing help from people - I've been completely shut down. Dismissed. Burned badly. That shit sticks.  And it hurts.  And it tells you - to just suffer in silence.  Figure it out.  And show those shiny parts to the world and hide the pieces that you're struggling with.

But...that doesn't work.  You can only hide it for so long before you break - and thankfully - in this case - once I owned up to it, and changed a few things about the way I am training, with the help of Mean Dude (who I really think we might need to rename) - I am back on an even keel. Sometimes....taking that leap to trust someone is so incredibly hard. But if you don't do it - you're never going to evolve as a person or athlete. 

And so....I rested my toe.  Cut a few workouts when I was sick.  And scaled back to remember to wisely use recovery - so I could kill it when I needed to.  It's a back-and-forth relationship with Mean Dude - he will absolutely tell me exactly how it is when I'm executing something perfectly - and when I need to rethink things - because both of us have the same goal - to see Texas be a giant success.  He has the faith in me, and equally celebrates my success and helps me work through those "Needy Rae" moments when I need to step back and be soft and say "I need some help- can you please be that person?" .  It's pretty awesome. It's a friendship I never saw coming - we help each other out in so many ways, and I can't wait to see where this journey goes.

And so, the last week of this block was a pretty giant success - I nailed the long ride and hit standalone marathon pace for my long run - woah -  and once again, I'm back.  Thank goodness!

And rest assured, the fun is still there.  The love is still there.  I absolutely adore this training and am full steam ahead for the Lone Star state. You're gonna see more of those #serioustriathlete stories on
social media because - to be honest with you - this go around has been the most fun I've ever had training for an event. Last year brought so much to the table, but the most important thing I learned - from the wildest most unexpected source - was how to play.  How to just throw your whole self at something and jump in fully. 

 The goals are big, the work is hard, the juggling is crazy - but - I have my people.  My new swim buddy (and the return of one of my favorite bad decision makers!).  A fantastic new runny friend that likes to meet at 7:36 (odd # joke) for some too fast miles and smiles and jokes.  And of course - my favorite players that keep coming back to laugh, joke, and tick those miles off as we pursue the ultimate adult playdates that are reminiscent of when we were kids - lets go jump in the water, play at riding bikes, and race each other around the bay!

And even last week, during the swim when nothing was going right - my cap broke, my splits were dragging, and I felt like hell - I was reminded that - you never know who is watching.  Or who YOU inspire. After what I would consider a failed set, I climbed out of the water and a lifeguard I don't even know looked at me and goes "Wow - you are so good.  You were speeding along for over an hour - you are amazing!" (No, I did not pay him, and he must have been fifteen years my junior).  And it hit me.  Again.  How lucky I am to do this, and how it's not always about my perception of the execution.  It's about the journey.  The fun.  The dancing.  And enjoying every step.  Splits are great, but this is all about the fun along the way pursuing something I love.  And a lifetime of learning as I go. 

And honestly, the real parts.  The ability to....Be Brave. One of my current running playlist songs that I am loving - Sara Barielles sings - 

To say....what you wanna say...and let the words fall out

Honestly...I wanna see you be brave

  And knowing that yes - its a risk to open and you might fall, but that it's a risk worth taking.  You can't do it all on your own, and it's okay to open up and show someone those pieces of you that you aren't proud of.  It's not easy being brave.  Not easy admitting that I don't have it all together and might need some help figuring it out.  But - as I've found out quite a bit through some spectacular moments of bravery - the right ones show up when you need them to. Oddly enough, most times when you didn't know or ask. And the ones that can't or won't - are probably on their own journey of trying to be brave.

As we wind down block #3, I'm currently in the weirdest recovery week I have ever had.  But that's a story for another day.  Two more main blocks to go and Texas is just 8 weeks away....it's on to the next stage of this journey!

IMTX Block #1: The Times, They are a Changin'

So, in the most drawn out fashion ever (which is really saying a lot), we have finally finished block one of Ironman Texas 2023 training!  Aside from my usual bullshit of way overdoing things, this really was a six week block instead of the customary four - two weeks of fucking around and finding out (not the most fun, but necessary in some instances!) and then a four week block with our newest character to this shitshow I call life - "Mean Dude".  I just finished recovery week of my first four weeks with this new coach, and I'm gonna do a full review of Mean Dude (spoiler alert - he's not mean) , but first, we have plenty to talk about.  This has, without a doubt, been the most different month of training I have had in years...or...ever...., which will either be really good or really bad, but hey, I'm pretty much known for jumping off cliffs, and even though it doesn't always work out, I have a gut feeling about this one.  With 12 weeks to go until IMTX, this is the path I've chosen - so lets talk about it!

When Mean Dude and I connected a month ago, he offered to write me a block of training, and then we

would step back to re-assess where we were both at.  He was working on developing his own coaching company, which he is well on the way for, but had decades of experience with running and multi sport, and had the race cred to back it up. We have been acquaintances for awhile (we might be friends now, if he can even stand me - thats Mean Dude on the middle left post race, pre working with me.  He's aged about a decade since putting up with my bullshit) so there was a trust.  I knew his program would be different than I was used to - I'd been penning my own workouts for the last year and a half, so I accepted that he wouldn't know all my weird quirks - even mileage workouts, distance, not time for runs, and the natural structure I had been following for a training week since 2019. It was about to all be flipped. And I was gonna have to roll with it.

Whew.  Honestly - between us, I embrace change, but the last few months....years...have really brought it to a new level.  I keep moving with it, but I swear, every time I get comfortable anywhere, something significant changes.  The last few months have knocked me on my ass, and here we were, with yet another change - but this time, I approached it with an "It is what it is" mantra - I knew that I had enough sense of myself to step back if this wasn't right. And even though it's bitten me in the butt in the past, I decided to trust Mean Dude right off the bat and not put up any barriers. In the last month, I have learned so much - some from Mean Dude, and some from the people I have been training with or alongside. And it's been freaking fantastic.

The Swim - I switched up the swim this block in a few ways.  Mean Dude is a big fan of 20x100 sets with ridiculous short send off and playing with flippers.  The latter still look like clown shoes to me, and if anyone wants a damn laugh, watch me try to open turn with said flippers. (I still hate flip turns) My friend Bear lent me her shorter flippers, so I now look like a penguin executing my 100s.  On the plus side, they zoom, so at least I'm a fast moron!  

Speaking of toys...this one has nothing to do with Mean Dude, but it's as good of a time as any to discuss.  One of the switches I made this year was to start swimming four times a week, so I go to the Y Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.  Hey, work your weakness, right?? Wednesdays are my early swims - purely due to peer pressure, but it gets me home to put the kids on the bus and it works schedule wise, so yay for 4am wake ups!  

Wednesdays are fun for many reasons - I have friends to swim with, my buddy is on duty as the lifeguard, and I can chase the super fast boys in speedos (hey, I'll admit that's a fun perk. And no, I can't catch them.  Even with clown shoes flippers).  I've noticed that it seems to be a Wednesday thing that all TOYS - such as paddles, buoys, etc. and send offs for each interval - are in the deep end.  Now, usually I set up my crap in the shallow end, but when in Rome - ya know.  I have yet to figure out why these super fasties set up shop at the deep end, but I have a few theories - namely, its badass to pull yourself out of the pool in the deep end, (the gun show is real) there's a drain by the end of the lane that I'm pretty positive my super speedy speedo guy friend disappears into post swim when he swims solo (maybe its a portal to somewhere? Where does it go?  I dunno, I'm not fast enough to catch him) and...well, that's it, but I'm sure I'll come up with some more theories during the 1000 yard pull sets Mean Dude assigns.  I haven't asked yet, because I like my theories, but hey, if I can fool anyone to thinking I can hang with the real swimmers (and oh man, do I try - said fast boys, if you're reading, throw me a bone, okay??) I'm gonna do it.  

The Bike - This one is hella different than I am used to.  Right now I'm using Zwift instead of Trainer Road, which started out because of a free trial, and since Mean Dude uses Zwift, we kept it.  Mean Dude is a big fan of HR training, so we have worked out zones, and my rides stay in those zones.  He likes his data, so I usually have tons to do on the bike, which means I watch zero crap on most of my rides.  I know.  I reached 4 hours this block for my long ride, sans anything but music.  It's wild.  I've read a few articles during the downtime, but since I'm switching something up every 20 minutes or so, I never get bored.  

I'm also fueling different - with a better focus on the best sources of hydration and electrolytes (God, I
sound like a douchebag).  It's helped quite a bit for my run off the bike - which is also different.  I used to do one brick a week, now I am doing 3.  One off the long ride, which is 4-7 miles, one off of an easier ride, and one segueing into my long run.  Yep - I ride.... then run 12-14 miles.  I have never heard of this, but it works out really well.  Since the bike has always been my biggest limiter, I've been laser focused on it this time around - now that I'm mostly comfortable on it, its time to wisely zoom (within my HR zones, of course!)  My last ride this week was probably the most epic  - I rode the Watopia Ride to the Sky course, which is an 11.2 mile effort, with 3398ft of elevation gain in 7.5 miles.  It was incredibly ridiculous, and despite the love I sent to Mean Dude (then compiled, because why not - check it out for a laugh at my expense! ) I really enjoyed it.  I ran strong off the bike, which is the whole goal and pretty encouraging when you're tackling 14% climb after climb! 

The Run - Again, I think the biggest switch here is HR training, which I haven't done in years.  I'm pretty bad at taking the easy stuff easy, but you can't fake HR and Mean Dude is all over my zones.  He assigns odd mileage runs (ugh) and timed runs (ugh) and when I bitched, he threw asinine runs my way like 3.083 miles (This happened).  This is about running right now, but I won't lie, the humor and communication style here is top notch, along with the subtle reminders that I need to trust the process and execute it well.  And...I am.  There have been a few biffs, but I honestly have to say, the recovery runs are getting easier to adhere to and my zone 1 runs are getting faster.  It's exciting stuff!  With the addition of the bricks, I'm also noticing that the bike warm up or bike prior to my run is only making my run stronger - and my last long run (around the bay, huzzah!) felt great and I was able to mix friendship with training, which is really the best of both worlds.

I have no idea how this will shake out race day, but right now I couldn't be happier with this first block.  It's working, the pieces are falling into place, and I'm having a blast with it.  Mean Dude (we really need to rename him) is an EXCELLENT coach, and he mixes the workouts with a great communication style (I never have to guess, and his follow up is excellent) and his sense of humor is spot on.  Which is important - because this go around, I'm all about the hard work but also the FUN. 

 If you follow me at all on social media, you see the ridiculous stories and posts I share about Ironman training - which is kind of the point!  I'm part of a podcast that's being organized on Slowtwitch (stay tuned for that) and even though my goals are huge this year, enjoying the process and laughing is always going to be part of it.  I'm loving all of it - the coaching, the dancing, the fun people that I get to spend time with along the way - and each day I get so excited to be one step closer to race day!  

Which, on that note - Musselman just released their new run course for 2023.  It's not my A race, but they must have listened to my massive bitching helpful input, and they did away with the train track run course!  HUZZAH!  Maybe that's the motto of 2023- ditching one train track at a time.  Let's DANCE!

Life is a Highway

And here we are, in the first recovery week of the IMTX build - which means a few things.  It's not quite time for a Block 1 recap (I know you're on the edge of your seat here, but Mean Dude has me doing a few fun workouts this week that I'll want to encompass in that post, so stay tuned - this road to Ironman is the wildest yet so far!)

This post is oddly more about that whole "balance" act that seems to be so precarious lately.  I'm not gonna lie, guys, I'm sure if you read between the lines, the last few months have been incredibly rough here - I've included enough reality in between the expected jokes and silliness that it was evident that I've been on the struggle bus, trying to right myself for awhile.  And most of it, I couldn't put my finger on the exact "why" - which was frustrating as hell.  Was it the holidays?  Family Stuff? Friend Stuff? Overtraining? Off season? Winter?  Who knows.  But I won't kid a kidder, there were many days filled with apathy and just a lack of desire for anything...more days than I will care to admit it in a short period of time.  I was just not myself.  And the part that pissed me off was that I knew it, and had zero idea how to fix it.

The key was time, patience with myself, and the company of a few really good people that weren't afraid to call me out on my bullshit, but follow it up with support.  I'm not saying life is perfect, but in the past few weeks, it's absolutely been looking up, thank goodness. I at least know where to go with some of the struggles, and know who's gonna be there to support me if and when I need it.  I'm not great with the patient thing or the time thing - once something goes wrong, I want to be able to hop in and fix it, dammit.  

Which led me to the ironic part - throughout the whole ordeal (how long can I milk this mid life crisis around my 40th birthday - asking for a friend??) I was truly annoyed with the idea that while my life was falling apart, there was one constant to where I was kicking ass - and that was training - marathon, Ironman, you name it - the workouts were mostly nailed and checked off and I was getting it done. 

Sports, and in particular, long distance triathlon, are such a tricky thing.  They can be a great outlet for mental health, staying active and healthy, and goal setting.  They also can quickly get out of hand and suck you into a world of obsession.  While I've been a triathlete for almost two decades now, I really have been focused the last few years at a different level, and I've noticed that the admiration for dedication and achievement comes with a second helping of judgement - how much time do you spend training?  Aren't you a little obsessed?  What does your family think?  Are you ever there for your kids? Maybe your life would be better if you just took a break and focused on other stuff. 

The answer is - I love this sport.  Truly, I do.  But its a hobby.  While its my favorite hobby, I'm always
careful to make sure that the training happens early, or on lunch (when I can) or in conjunction with something else - a kid lesson, a half day I took at work, or if I'm lucky enough - with my kid!  I have full support at home and am super careful not to screw with that.  And in terms of that obsession....its no moreso than a normal hobby.  I'd function without it.  I have other interests and likes. But in the past few months of uncertainty, I've used it as a grounding mechanism for many reasons - namely - because I can figure it out.

And that's huge.  When I look at my training - it all makes sense.  Whether its me penning the effort or my coach - the workouts have a purpose and a goal.  It's a clear cut goal and purpose that if I'm not sure what it is - I can as - and there are ANSWERS! (Which, let me reiterate, even though we call my coach Mean Dude he is literally one of my favorite people right now - I'll wax poetic about him next week, but lest he get a big head - he always explains, keeps the big picture in mind, and makes me laugh and feel proud and motivated all at once.  He's a keeper and I already love him for putting up with my shit.  And for me to say that on a recovery week is BIG TIME PRAISE.  Go Mean Dude!).

Each training session not only has a purpose, it leads to a bigger goal - there is a clear 16 week plan for this.  The finish line in X amount of time is the goal.  Each day, when I execute - I know what I want.  I see it.  Even if its 5am on a Sunday or shivering at the pool at o dark thirty, I can repeat the goal in my head and have direction.  I have control over the sessions and am not relying on anyone but me to achieve the outcome. 

If I fuck it up - I usually know why.  It could be lack of sleep, nutrition, anxiety (tough to hold ZR heart rate when life is fucked) or the weather.  But its usually easily pinpointed and can be righted.  And when it gets messy, you can either recognize the roadblock or call the audible and try again tomorrow.  There IS a do over, unlike in life, with a lack of time machines and corrector fluid. 

It all makes sense.  And with so much uncertainty lately, the road map that training is right now - is comforting.  

Once I figured that out, it made me feel better.  It doesn't negate all of the messy stuff that doesn't have a clear answer right now, but it at least gives me a space to go to where I can be calm and in control of it for a little bit as a "time out" from life. 

Oh - and I love it.  Did I mention that?  I love every workout, even the hard ones.  Even the ones I fail or need to tailor expectations to.  And they make me happy - I dance, sing, and enjoy every second (as any of you that see the shit I post on Instagram and Facebook can attest to - sorry not sorry!) And I've been lucky enough the past few weeks to share that with people that make me laugh, listen to me cry, and make me feel like the best version of myself.  And that part is huge.

I was out for a run the other day, thinking about the past year - recently, I've reconnected with a wonderful friendship that I thought I lost last winter.  And I laughed to myself, remembering the struggle I had back in January 2022 about this friendship - the times I spent worrying, being sad, and wondering where I went wrong with it.  

I also thought about what I had wished for 2022 and I realized that January 2022 Rae would KILL to be January 2023 Rae.  And it's not just all about racing - that BQ was sweet, as were the tri accomplishments, but the things that kept me up at night a year ago - have either worked out, are better now than ever - or - are no longer anything I think about. I literally have everything I wanted last year at this time, so why was I feeling the way I did? That friendship right now - is better than ever.  He's a 3am ride or die friend and I never thought that would happen.  I'm not saying it always works out but...sometimes it does. It does when it needs to.  And the rest - we move on from. And head on to the next adventure. 

Because we always want more.  We always want to reach higher.  And that's laudable - its what its all about.  But its important to remember that progress isn't linear - it can be messy, complicated, and not always have a clear outcome.  And that's okay too.  I think.....most of us are feeling this right now.  

So, as this unfurls, I don't expect 2023 to be all magic and cupcakes.  It's gonna get messy, and there will be tears with the laughter.  But I finally feel like me again - and as much in the drivers seat of this highway of life that I can be.  Who wants to join me on the road trip?

Ironman Texas Block ".5" - The Hamster Dance

It's officially 2023!!  I hope everyone had a fantastic New Year's and is on to the pursuit of great things.  Over in my little corner of the world, it's been a ride (pun intended) since January 1 - and lots has been happening, both in the world of training and outside of it.

This particular post is all about the former, though (which, of course, brings in more elements of the latter!)  Last time I updated, it was about time to kick off training for Ironman Texas - which is April 22, 2023. Big dreams here baby!! I devised an 18-week training plan that involved four "4 week blocks" and then a two week taper to land me to race day.  I went through quite a bit of back and forth about whether to use a coach or fly solo, and for many reasons, opted for the latter - recognizing my insane schedule, my relative success in 2022, and the fact that I had an entire Ironman plan mapped out from 2022 that included notes and suggestions - so it seemed like a good route to go.  With my mind at ease, I took the last 18 weeks leading up to Iowa that I wrote last year, tweaked block one for speed (run and bike faster, swim slower), and hit GO on December 19. LET's DO THIS THING!

Or not.

Oh, I amuse myself sometimes.  I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent person (yep, I know you laughed - fair) but I can do some pretty dumb shit (you're shocked - I know)

.  The first two weeks of the plan were a giant bust - they fell right during the holidays, which were incredibly tough this year, the pool was closed a lot, and even though I got every workout in I had the sense, both mentally and physically that I was going nowhere fast. I was on the struggle bus (for posterity, that is literally the best swimsuit I have ever owned) It sucked.  I was struggling with the concept of my "why" which is the VERY worst thing that can happen to you as an athlete - once your brain starts questioning a pursuit that is extremely physically demanding, your body follows suit.

What was it?  Burn Out?  A Bad plan?  Life?  I had no idea. But I knew that I had to fix it, and fix it quick if I wanted to do anything with 140.6.  I stepped back at the end of December and really looked at a lot of things in my life and asked myself honestly what I wanted for 2023.  And because I was really in a really bad spot with all of it, I admittedly went into the new year and was absolutely no better than the shit show that was December.  I was lost and it was showing everywhere.  I was the proverbial hamster - running on a wheel, going nowhere fast, and as a person that everyone looks to FOR the answer, was painfully aware that I didn't have anyone to ask.

But its funny how life works out.  When you least expect it, and sometimes from the people you would never expect it, your course can change...with some really special angels that stepped in to rescue me from my own self.  And thankfully, a little more than two weeks into the plan, a few key things happened:

I got myself a coach. Purely by accident, which is usually how the best things happen in my life, TBH.  "I wasn't expecting...." is a key phrase of mine and usually leads me to all the right places.  I'm a pretty lucky person - I have a friend helping me out who's cutting his teeth on coaching and knows his stuff

really really well.  We started working together a week and a half ago, and I'm already loving it.  Right now I'm his "hamster" because we decided being a guinea pig was just wrong - he's writing the weeks, I have zero to think about, and I just execute.  

The plan is based on HR for the run and bike, and while there is so much in every workout I'm not used to, it's been pretty eye opening to work with this format, and thankfully this guy gets my life AND my humor- even if we have dubbed him "Mean Guy" (his idea) for pretty much everything...my sarcasm, when I whine about a recovery run, forcing me to run by time (ugh) or an odd number of miles (double ugh) or when I blame my swim set screw up on the hot boys in speedos I was distracted by at the pool (ya know, theoretically). 

Number two - I started running with some pretty key people again.  Last fall, I was adopted by a few amazing runners - my neighbor and friend Laura, who is not only fast as hell but hilarious and genuinely an amazing person who only wants the best for me, and my other speedy friend, Dumpster Fire Dave (self named, of course).  They helped me BQ in Philly, and in the past two weeks have rescued me from myself - whether its some tough love I needed personally, a string of ridiculous hills to make me stronger, or a rash of four-letter words and Instagram reels to make me laugh on a shitty day- it's been so needed.  The training is fun.  It's productive.  And since I usually follow them,

they pick routes where I have no idea where we are going - what the hills look like, the distance, anything.  But rather than freaking out, I trust the people in front of me and tailor the effort to match theirs.  And somehow, I land right back where I need to - my running has been on point, and I feel strong, I feel good.  Mean dude added a bike before my long runs, which is also new, but has been helping - again - the notion of someone watching out for you has been the key here. I don't have to figure it all out on my own anymore - and I have people in my corner!

Lastly, I went back to my 2019 roots and joined the Y again.  There were many reasons for this one, mostly due to the imited WAC schedule and the kids joining lessons, so it was a no brainer.  I'm loving being back at the Y - I can drop the kids off and swim, then swim with them.  There's a hot tub.  One of my buddies is a lifeguard and our schedules aligned.  And FINALLY, after months of persuasion, I've gotten to regularly join my friend Bear on her 5am swims - which I thought were nuts but have turned out to be amazing in so many ways.  She's another one that's been a happy new influence on 2023 training, which rocks.  And of course, the hot boys in speedos don't hurt either - even if I can't catch them and they mess up my set when I get distracted by the cuteness try to race them.  Some things never change. And that's just fine by me!

On my last long fun with DF Dave, at mile 14 we came across....a train.  And we laughed.  Because its me. And then....a minute later, another train crossed going the opposite way.  And in between my giggles and the fact that we could see our finish line right on the other side of the two trains, I realized that maybe this double train was somehow a weird metaphor - with the trains of 2022 and the mess that 2023 had been for the first few days, maybe this meant that all the trains were out of the way.

Or maybe they aren't, and it was just a funny coincidence that we can finally laugh at and move the hell on.  Even if they aren't, going into week two of this new phase of 2023 has me back right where I need to be at last - excited, happy, and looking forward to all of it.  I think....I finally have me back.  And even though that came with help from people I never expected it to, I'm so grateful.  The journey really is full of twists and turns, isn't it?  But I fully believe the best is yet to come!