Blame it on the Rain

 This could otherwise be titled "How my off season is going?".  You know right away its going to be a smashing success.....don't the best laid blog posts profess a dedication to Milli Vanilli?  And with that, you know you're about to read a train wreck.  Which is highly appropriate for this season (yay for trains!), slightly eye roll inducing, and yet you know - you're gonna read it anyways.  Here we go!

So what does one do when they hit all their goals?  It's a mixed bag, folks.  I walked (yes, I walked - albeit slightly frozen!) away from my marathon in an odd state - I have never finished a race where I would not have changed a single damned thing.  There were small tweaks I suppose I could have made, sure, but in the big picture, I really couldn't have improved in terms of execution, training, or anything else given the variables race day presented.  It ended the season on a wicked high note, with the promise of Boylston St in 2024 (see what I did there) the pinnacle of my quest and the perfect end to a crazy successful racing year - one I could have never even imagined even last year.

And that was the moment when the proverbial kool-aid man kicked down the door and reminded me that while I had been so one dimensional in November chasing a dream (I admit it) that there was actual life going on outside of racing.  I knew this going in - I had blogged about it and luckily, most people in my life understood the few weeks prior to such an A goal were a little pre-occupied.  It was time to re-focus.  Big time. No more "blaming it on the rain"....errr...race (whomp whomp).

My body weighed in first and reminded me that not only had I just spent 8 hours in frozen windy weather prepping and running 26 miles and change - I also had been in training for some sort of endurance event for 11 months.  It rebelled. Hard. 

 I spent of the week post Philly a mess - I couldn't eat, had body aches and chills, and struggled to just be able to function.  Two ish weeks out, I'm happy to say I finally am on the mend - recovery took a bit longer than I expected just due to race conditions and the fact that I couldn't take any real recovery steps until last week.  I think I lost five pounds alone the week after the race - which I really couldn't afford to lose.  I've wisely (hey, sometimes I can do that!) put off starting the training for the 2023 season for a few more weeks and have spent lots of time resting and re-connecting with the rest of my life.

The latter really was the next step - it seems that the whole concept of "not cutting my bangs" pre race really caught up with me (as in, I knew I wasn't myself and refused to make any big decisions - about anything).  Last week, finally out of my fog, I sat down and asked myself some big questions about where I was with a lot of things in my life - myself, family, friends, and work.  And I made some decisions. Some were about me getting off my own ass.  Some were taken entirely out of my hands and I was forced to acknowledge them. 

Most people take stock of these things at the end of the year, but as a triathlete (we are such assholes, arent we - always gotta be switching things up - weeks start on Mondays, everyone has a birthday on January 1, and the "end of the year" is usually October or November) my year end was now. 

 The 2023 season starts December 19th, and I'm gonna need all my shit together, so this four week block is a big focus on all the things that I feel fell below the "line of suck" during my major build.  I'm a big fan of this way of looking at it - in life, you have so many different areas that you need to pay attention to - your physical health, your mental health, your relationships (family, friends), your obligations in terms of adulting (work, chores, paying bills) - that its impossible to always "be on top of" everything.  The trick is not to let anything get too far below the line of suck for too long.  

While I do a decent job of juggling as a whole, I had some major catch up to do at work - which I have been paying the piper back for in terms of paperwork and reporting.  Major household tasks and holiday prep that fell by the wayside (SO much cleaning and grocery shopping to do, along with "making christmas"). All the doctor's appointments in the world - and- shudder- the dentist (when gu is a major food group and you grind your teeth...well...lets just say my dentist might prefer I take up yoga).  But that's the easy stuff.  The hard stuff....was the people. 

Usually, I'll fall into a funk after an A race - which was not the case this time.  I have 2023 planned out, and while that's hit a few snags, (thanks Ironman)  I'll be ready to rock going into the new year to hopefully kick a little ass, doing what I love.  I'm good with that.  My proverbial shit hit the fan when I took a good look at the people I was surrounding myself with-  the ones that have been in my life for decades, years, or months.  And I needed to really look at a few things - where were they at, where was I at, and how did they fit into my life...if at all?

I tend to throw myself into things (duh, we know this).  A few years ago, one of my buddies (god, he's a pain in my ass) called me "highly suggestible".  And in Rae fashion, I took offense to it.  Then I thought about it and realized he was right (I hate when that happens).  And in the last 3 years, being highly suggestible has led me to some amazing things - even if it scares the shit out of me, I go for it.  It's led to some incredible highs and experiences that I'll never forget.

It's also led to me falling flat on my face.  After my last A race, one of my athletes commented on how
things just happen for me.  Spoiler alert - they don't.  I might showcase a funny, shit pulled together, all the workouts are easily, smiley race persona but - its hard work.  Sometimes I doubt myself.  Sometimes that tempo run is REALLY hard.  And sometimes those highly suggestible plans and people....well, I fall flat on my face and epically fail.  Not many people see the tears, but a few do - and I love them to bits for letting me show my weakness. 

After really thinking on it, I was able to identify some things I was doing and some people that just didn't belong in my life anymore.  Some have been around for a very long time and were really hard to let go of. Or at least - to alter how they fit into my life.  Without a doubt, there is nothing sadder than someone that you used to be close to...that is now basically a stranger.  For those of you that know me - I tend to go all in on something believing it to be the very best and take it at face value.  And - if I may- that's sorely bitten me in the ass this year more times than I can count.  I have two choices - I can either change me or change the situation, and since I like me, I've opted for the latter. Some - I had zero choice on - when someone walks out of your life, you have to shed a few tears, write a few letters you'll never send, then put on your big girl panties (well, if you wear underwear) and move the hell on. And some - well, you just need to reframe how you look at them and meet their energy.  There's nothing wrong with it - its life.  And now that my head's clearer, it was time. 

While I've "cut my bangs" a few times in the last week, I can't say I'm sorry I have.  They will either grow back...or they won't.  One of my mantras in the past few years is that every time I think I've figured it out - life surprises me.  I still laugh about it - things that I thought were in the past resurface.  Friends that I could have never imagine pop up.  I've learned to enjoy it all to the fullest and allow that it might not last.  But I'm pretty confident either way, I'll roll with it.  Some things were meant to occupy your life for just awhile, and some forever.  And there's a reason for everything, even if you don't know it at the time. 

I'm lucky enough to have both. This past Sunday, I met a newer friend "Dumpster Fire Dave" (really, do you need more than that??) for my first longish run since Philly.  On the way to the run, Siruis XM (free trial yasss) was playing the top 40 hits from 1989 and as I pulled into the Fairport Landing, Milli Vanilli's "Blame it on the Rain" came on.  As I was trying to get this ever loving SHIT off the radio, Dave called to tell me he was almost there and somehow he got put on speaker.  "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??" He goes - laughing - as usual - at me.  I begged him to come save me from myself.

And he did.  Somehow in a run that was closer to 10 miles than the planned eight....and a trip up Loud Rd where there was a "little hill" (302 ft gain in 1.03 miles- I now have a new goal) - there were a lot of laughs, some yelling, and a lot of emotions as we worked our way through 80 minutes of running and two lattes post run.  Two giant fuck ups with a love of a certain amount of being uncomfortable, four letter words, and absolute no bullshit keeping it real with each other.  He somehow helped me screw my head on straight, pick myself up after this dumpster fire of the past few weeks, and leave me FINALLY feeing like myself after a month of floundering in my own headspace.  

And on my way home from the best Sunday I've had in five weeks (the last long run with Dave - coincidence?  Mayyybe) Sirius XM was once again on three hours later - apparently, cycling.  You know it.  As I drove through Penfield, Milli Vanilli once again reminded me to "Blame it on the Rain" - and of course I called Dave in hysterics, singing (lip synching?) like a damned fool.

Somehow he answered and two days later, is still speaking to me.  I think I've found a new friend.

And so we learn - that even though there are endings, whether its a season, or an experience, or a friendship - that they are beautiful and amazing in their own right. And if it ends - we gotta blame it on something....blame it on the rain, right?  (I'm sorry, please don't stop reading, I didn't turn on audio LOL)

There are always new adventures around the corner - and that some of those new adventures might turn out to be something pretty amazing.  2023....is going to be epic. I cannot wait to bring along some of the friends and experiences that have been so wonderful over the past year, years, decades....and to the new, beautiful ones that have just started and also the ones that await!

Philadelphia Marathon 2022: Sweet Revenge

Well folks, it can happen.  The 2022 season is finally a wrap.  I have lots to say (really, is anyone shocked?) but before we delve into the whole "What did Rae learn in 2022 and what dumbass mistakes will she continue to make in 2023" post - we need to write the last race report for 2022 - otherwise known as - for so many reasons - the season I never wanted to end.

It's over.  And even though, six days later, I'm still under the weather (due to the weather!) and I can't

run even if I wanted to....it ended in the best possible way.  I won't even hedge on a spoiler alert, because all of you reading know exactly what happened in Philly - you just want a good story!  Well, here it is, folks, - the 2nd attempt at a BQ  -  in Philly - and the tale of one freaking wild, epic day. Let's just say...I definitely got my sweet revenge on that first attempt in 2019!

So, the last few posts have pretty much summed up the build to this race - it was, quite honestly, similar to my 2021 half marathon training where I was a nervous wreck because EVERYTHING went well.  I nailed all my paces, loved the process, and was, on paper, ready to rock this race!  I needed a 3:39 to qualify (yay for turning 40 this year!), figured I could hit a 3:35 based off my training (again, sweet revenge from my 2019 goal), and My A goal was a 3:30 - depending on the course distance (rarely do you actually run 26.2 due to tangents, etc).  My overall goal was really to hit that 8:00/mile, though I told a few people that seeing a 7 as the first number for my pace for a freakin marathon would just absolutely blow my little mind.  I was pretty vocal about my goals, which served to scare the shit out of me even more - there was no hiding behind what I considered to be scary as shit goals. 

The taper was just as expected - early week, I had a few...okay, many... freak outs (what, you couldn't tell by the tone of my last post?) but once Friday rolled around, I was in the zone and ready to go.  The biggest worry was now the race day forecast - which was 25 degrees with 20-25 mph winds.  I had trained for the race in weather that went from 45-70, and had settled in on my pre race outfit weeks ago on my last long run - my under armour shorts, endorphin speeds, and my custom Raise tank and sports bra (stay tuned for this - I'm getting ready to officially launch the site soon!).  I had throwaway arm warmers and gloves in case it was cold - but when I thought cold, I thought 40.  I went back and forth quite a bit about this wrinkle, mostly worried about my hands and feet, as I don't run in socks (no.  ever.  and I do not get blisters.)  The day before I decided to go with what I knew, and just double up on gloves and add a base layer long sleeved shirt.  Done.  Let it be what it was.

Saturday was so much fun - with the help of some amazing neighbors and friends (THANK YOU!!), Greg was able to sherpa me and it was so needed. He hasn't been to a big race in years because of kids, and he was so damned amazing.  We road tripped to Philly with bad 90s music and about 4 bathroom stops in the 5 hour drive (yay for being hydrated - NO, I am not pregnant).  We played around with the expo, randomly ran into two of my friends from the ROC in a city of millions, and were all settled in by 4:30 at the hotel.  I made the final prep for race morning, put my feet up, and ate my standard 6th grader meal pre race of pasta and veggies (I own it.  I am not the party animal pre race, and the nerves are real.)  Lights were out by 8pm, which was for shit, because I think I got about a half hour of sleep.  No biggie - this is normal.  Race morning dawned at 3:30 - and I got up feeling strangely calm.  This would follow the whole morning - all nerves were left in Rochester. The work was done and all that was left to do was RACE!

Pre Race

Several of my friends had run this race and I was told two things - get there early to get through security and it was not flat.  Noted.  (These were both spot on). I dressed and layered, stuffed my bra stored my gels, danced around like an idiot to Ginuwine

(this is accurate, I always do this - things you now know).  I choked down a dry bagel (forgot the butter, damn) and applesauce, and was out the door in my three layers of throwaway clothes by 5:15.  

I grabbed the nearest shuttle and immediately made friends with two women from Jersey who became my new besties - Shannon and Jen.  We took selfies, laughed about training with kids, bad ideas, and within the half hour, were inseparable.  Security was a snap to get though, and by 5:45 we were in the warming tent and had almost an hour to kill.  Sweet.  We met two more guys from Jersey (apparently, the whole state decided to run this race) - I don't remember their names, but one had just done Ironman Chattanooga and told us this immediately, while his buddy rolled his eyes and said "You couldn't wait to get that in, could you??". 

 I busted out laughing and whispered to the Jersey Girls - watch this - then started swapping Ironman times, race qualifiers, and M-dot tattoos with the dude.  He looked at me a little overwhelmed and I nudged his buddy and commented - "Damn, I am such a triathlete douchebag, aren't I??"  And with the ice broken, we all busted out laughing and spent the next half hour swapping stories about racing and life.  At 6:15 I realized I better stop partying and actually - ya know - pretend to race.  I dropped my post race bag off, got in line to pee, and by 6:30 hit a quick half mile warm up and was in line in my corral, stripping down to my race outfit.

AND HOLY SHIT WAS IT COLD.  My wave was set to go off at 7:10 and I was a chattering mess.  I already could not feel my fingers and my legs were blocks of ice.  Someone's mylar blanket blew into the backs of my legs and I grabbed it for warmth thinking - this is just not good.  But it is what it is.  I still had the overall feeling of calm that had been present since the day before.  I was here to do a thing.  It was time to DO THE THING.  And before I knew it, the first two waves had gone off, our corrals gun sounded and it was time TO GO!!

Miles 1-7:  (7:35/mi)

The first few miles passed in a blur, to be honest. I'd been told that my GPS would be off, due to the big city, and to look for the mile markers and turn off auto lap.  I'm not great with manual lap, so I decided against that, but ran off of a 5-6 effort and was a little surprised when my first mile clocked in at 7:40.  (Oddly enough, only a .1 mile off, which would be the case until mile 25.  Sweet). I saw Greg shortly after mile 1 and flipped a thumbs up.  I decided to piss off everyone tracking me go with the flow and run off effort solely - we had a tailwind and even though miles 2 and 3 were faster than they should have been, at 7:16 and 7:19, I was feeling great and literally felt like I wasn't working at all.  Miles 4-7 followed the same pattern, and I hit the first (quarterish) at a 7:35 pace.  The crowd support to this point was spot on and I was all smiles (okay, fine, I was for 90% of this race!).  I hit my first gel at mile 5, right on pace, and turned to start the first of the hills feeling on fire.

Miles 8-15 (7:59/mi)

I fully expected to slow down here, due to the turn away from the headwind and the start of the rollers.  Miles 8 and 10 were the two hills on this segment, and while they weren't terrible, they were definitely noticeable and my pace slowed to match effort.  At mile 9.5, running up the second hill, I dropped my gel and my mp3 player got completely tangled in my bra.  I realized quickly that wearing double gloves might have been a good idea to keep my hands warm, but I couldn't maneuver worth shit.  I took a quick walk break, righted my tangles, grabbed another gel from my bra (so classy) and picked it back up!  I saw Greg at mile 12.5 and flashed him a thumbs up - stopped for a quick water break at the hill at mile 13, and hit the half

marathon in 1:42.  I knew I was still a little fast, but at this point, I decided to just listen to my damned body and tailor the effort as needed.

 At this point, we ran under a bridge and encountered....of course...a train!  It seemed my luck had turned with the trains of 2022, though, as this one was thankfully above us, and I briefly shut my eyes and made a wish that the second half of this race would be just as epic. I smiled again - even though I was almost two hours in, this was just so much fun and I was having the best day.  We turned into the wind at mile 14, and it got wild at this point - we had a cross wind for about a mile where the leaves were whipping across the road with a fervor - we made a brief turn into the wind and were totally blown backwards.  Woah.  Mile 15 was rather uneventful, I downed my third gel, but unfortunately hit a snafu at the water stop where the girl in front of me dropped her cup, soaking my left hand and foot.  Shit.  This was not good.  I debated the merits of wet gloves versus no gloves, and decided to keep the gloves on. I was a cold, wet mess at this point and got a little bit nervous. Then I reminded myself of the Norseman wisdom that had been passed on to me.....one day I would be warm.  Today was not that day.  Today was the day to block the pain and GO DO GREAT THINGS.  

At that moment, as if by magic, the song "Sweet Revenge" by Kat Leon came on - the song that since seeing the Norseman video clip of the 2022 race has become my mainstay during training - to remind me that I can do hard things, even when it seems tough - to make it hurt. And to kick a little ass while doing it. The athletes that race this race are amazing, and I'm privileged enough to know one of them who has been a big source of inspiration for me this year. I conjured my image of making it hurt - and of my game face - reminding myself - I COULD DO THIS. I got shivers that had nothing to do with the weather, and took a deep breath with eleven miles to go. 

Miles 16-20 (8:15/mile)

And I would need that magic, that resilience.  As we turned right shortly before mile 16, the cross wind became a fierce headwind.  Greg was cheering me on here and I was still in a good mood, flashing him the thumbs up sign! We were cold and wet, but it was still just a magical day to be out there.  I wanted it so badly. I hit mile 16 just shy of 2:05 on my watch and 2:06 on the marker (I was about a tenth off still, and did my marathon math off that). As it went, I had about a two minute buffer to hit my A goal of 3:30, but I knew this was going to be the hardest part of the course, as we had two more decent hills at miles 18 and 19, and the headwind was so fierce that when it gusted (reported to 35 mph) we were almost going backwards.  I admittedly hit a low here - at about mile 18, I took a walk break, refueled (slightly ahead of schedule - as I planned on gels at 5, 10, 15 and 20, but I was grumpy and hoped some sugar would help - its worth noting this was the first water stop I saw ANY gels so I was glad to grab a spare but also glad I had my own!). My left hand was a mess, honestly - I kept curling it in under my jersey for warmth.  I saw Runner Dave AKA Dumpster fire at mile 19, he was about ten minutes ahead of me and looked pissed (there was a story here, and not a fun one!) We tried to high five and failed, which summed this up about right.  Hit mile 20 in 2:38 and change, and then the blessed turnaround - huzzah! With marathon running, much like Ironman, it's not a matter of if something will go wrong - it will.  The trick is knowing what to do with it - do you need food?  A mantra? Remembering your goal?  This time, it was food.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - your mental game has to be fierce for this stuff.  I'm not always perfect at it but my "why" was on point during the low miles - and it would come to test me again!

Miles 21-26.38 (8:06/mi)

So, I'm no whiz at science, but I would have thought such a shitty headwind would give us immediate relief.  No such luck.  The headwind was gone but it seemed to have changed to a weird cross wind, which was fine, though I felt a little cheated - where was my free speed?? LOL.  My left hand was totally frozen, but my foot was doing okay - I picked it up for a bit and thankfully went from my slowest miles of the day at miles 19 and 20 (8:42 and 8:46) back down to 8:05-8:10.  

I rescued a water cup for a woman at mile 22, who called me her hero (aww) and pretty much stayed in my zone.  I got a little tired again at mile 22, and looked down at my watch - I was at 2:55 and change, and needed to hold roughly an 8 minute mile to hit my A goal.  I knew at this point, unless something terrible happened, I was going to BQ.  I reminded myself that a 3:32 or 3:34 was totally okay as a finish time and ...wait.  NO.  WHAT THE FUCK RAE.  I did NOT come this far to settle here. This was a mental low.  I needed to remember my WHY.  

And I thought about one of my favorites....a mantra used by someone I admire a great deal that I met  recently....and I love it.  Whenever he gets low, he channels Mia Hamm's words.... I put in the work.   I built the fire.  And it was time to LIGHT THIS MATCH. Let's DO this!  

And with that, I picked the pace back up. This was GONNA HAPPEN.  I was READY.   I hit mile 25 (the race mile 25) in 3:20 flat and I knew I could hit that 3:30.  I took off my last throwaway layer and proudly sported my Raise singlet.  My 8:05 pace became a 7:55 pace, and I saw my friend Laura at mile 26 (with Greg, who was filming and I totally missed!) and was ALL. GRINS. 

 The last mile was surprisingly uphill (WTF) but I didn't care.  My mp3 player changed over and I was ready for some SERIOUS INSPO a la Rocky style when...."Put it in Your Mouth" came on.  OMFG.  Seriously??  This song had some pretty great connotations from a few triathletes in my life (yeah, we are so mature) but also, most recently, my badass friend Jennie who joked that we would have that stuck in our head all day race day (she did IM Cozumel the same day).  I burst into laughter and then shut off the music - I didn't need it - and dropped my pace even further, crossing the line in 3:29:57 - per my Garmin - all. freaking. smiles. (Actually, the photos suggest I smiled the whole race, which is pretty accurate.  I had the damned time of my life!)

Post Race

HOLY SHIT DID THAT JUST HAPPEN???  As soon as I hit stop, I realized a few things.  I just absolutely KILLED my goal - Boston Qualifying by ten minutes.  I hit my A goal of 3:30 (official race time was 3:30:08 so I must have hit my Garmin a little late to start) and ran 26.38 miles at a 7:58 pace. A SUB 8 PACE FOR 26.38 MILES.

 OH MY GOD!!  I won't lie guys, I started to well up to cry ugly tears.  The guy next to me who had also just finished and I had a hug it out moment and I told him how amped I was - random strangers at the finish line are the best.  I smiled for a few photos in a daze, then started chattering uncontrollably. I had the sense to keep moving - sadly past the post race food of bananas and granola bars (WTF).  I was able to grab some chicken broth, which was a lifesaver.  Grabbed my morning bag and found Greg, who gave me the biggest hug and helped me put on some warm clothes. This guy was all over the place and the best damned sherpa a girl could ask for.  THANK YOU!

I'd like to say that we immediately found a shuttle and got warm but - when in Philly.....well, you know.  Of COURSE I ran the Rocky steps!! I was so damned happy, you guys - and probably a little delirious.  After doing the thing, we found a shuttle bus, got our car, and headed home - with the biggest smile on my face!

It's easy to pull apart a race after the fact and say "what could I have done".  I know the peanut gallery at home thinks I went out too fast, and maybe I did.  But with the course elevation (which was NOT flat at 955 ft, most of that between miles 8 and 19), the layout, and the placement of the winds, I think I did exactly what I needed to. 

 Split in half, I ran a 1:43/1:47, and my last 6 miles were faster than the six miles that preceded them.  I never hit a wall.  My heart rate was in zone 2/3, save for 4 miles at zone 4 on a hill.  My effort level for the whole race was 5-7/10.  I honestly - wouldn't change a thing.  And even though there's a 1% piece of me that wishes I would have an "official" time of 3:29, there was an extra .08 mile between miles 26 and the finish that I didn't expect, I went off my watch time, and I would honestly - change nothing.  Totally out of my control.  And seriously, who slams an A goal then complains about it?? 

Six days later, I still can't run.  My legs are doing alright - but the rest of my body is in need of a rest. The weather, wind, and race effort completely tapped me.  I spent a few days low key sick, and I'm honestly not sure I've even eaten enough to adequately re-up my stores.  Food has been hit or miss.  This is a new one for me - I've never felt like this post race.   And....I don't care at all.  I have never walked away from a race all smiles and not wanted to change a thing.  And I still am in utter shock that I will be running the Boston Marathon in 2024 - I can't believe it.

What's next?  Off season, baby.  I've spent a lot of time this week sleeping, recovering, and spending quality time with my family and friends amidst the holiday.  I'll go low key for a few more weeks then kick it off mid December for 2023.  And what about that?  Well, that's a post for another day.  Today - we are still all smiles and my heart...well that's in Philadelphia. 

Anti Hero: Taper Week Tips

 Well hey there!  While I've totally dropped the ball on this whole marathon training (really, how much navel gazing can one do?) I seem to be making up for it with my honest posts on late season struggles, my nerves leading up to this season closer, and, to keep with the theme, I figured I'd give you an update with the latest - taper week!

If you aren't a runner/triathlete (and it's shocking how many of you follow this crap that aren't into the dumb shit I do the race life (I love you guys)), the taper is a super important part of training that's often overlooked.  It's not exciting.  It's not sexy.  And most athletes, myself included, despise it.  After weeks and/or months of build and training, the taper is the part where you allow your body rest to absorb the training, shed the fatigue, and get ready to do all the zooms on race day.  You still train - but the duration is much shorter and is mixed easy effort with a few speed pieces interspersed.  You'd think the opportunity to kick your feet up and chill would be some sort of reward for the hours of hard work we put into this.

You'd be wrong.  Since athletes tend to be ridiculously Type A, crazy, over thinkers (It's me, hi!) the
taper is the worst. mind. job. on. the. planet.  You have more time that either gets devoted to the less fun stuff (oh right, I have a job and house chores), too much time to be anxious about your training, and every tiny tweak is cause for worry.  It's a mess.  And while this is all totally normal, after a decade of going through it...I'm no better at it.  I know the signs, what it all means, and rationally, I accept it.  But damned if its not tough anyways - and the more important the race is, the worse it is.  

Don't worry.  I'm here for you.  As always, my helpful nature wants everyone to avoid the week I've had - so with three days out from the big race, I give you my best taper tips.  Enjoy!

Ten Taper Tips for Race Week

1.  Take your last longish run no closer than a week out - for the marathon, I ran ten miles.  Use the ten miler to get all the shit out of the way.  Drop your nutrition without noticing.  Charge your MP3 player beforehand and watch it die 3 miles in.  Spend the last half of the run doing marathon mental math about the pace you need to hold to acheive your time and simultaneously tell yourself its impossible...while holding marathon pace.  Grimace at cars.  Throw dorky peace signs at passing runners. You are so cool. 

2.  Second Guess every portion of your training.  Scoff at anyone that thinks you can meet your A
goal.  Get pissed at everyone who thinks you can't.  Read into everyone's emails, texts, and words that you talk to.  Overreact.  Yell at your phone (probably its a good idea to make sure you've hung up before doing this). Text back...delete....text back...delete....and then maybe send.  Screenshot the offending texts that read " Whats up?" and send them to your bestie with the caption "WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS DOUCHEBAG".  Clearly, this text has some serious hidden meaning that is dark in nature.  Hell, maybe I should make some big decisions about life while I'm at it. 

3. DO NOT GET FIRED OR ARRESTED.  This has been a big goal of mine this week.  My drafts folder of my email is frighteningly big.  I've left people on read.  Whoops.  I have a loose agreement with a buddy of mine to bail me out if I call him.  He's also racing this weekend too, though, so I might be shit outta luck.  Dammit. 

4.  Go out for your last tempo run five days out.  Control your pace.  When you don't, marvel at how awesome you are during your cool down.  Immediately crap your pants with no trees in sight a mile from home and do the run of shame with your shirt tied around your waist (What, this happened to that friend of mine.  I swear, it wasn't me). 

5.  Treat every tweak as a re-affirmation that you'll never be able to cover the distance.  My glute is twingy - how can I be expected to walk let alone run 26.2 miles?  Give up immediately but plan to attend the event anyways for the swag and post race food.  Remind yourself that you'll never hit the pace you need to for that long anyways - what the hell were you thinking? Make stupid bets with people you can never catch that have undefined winning stakes and think "How bad could that be"?  ( Probably bad).

6. Resist the urge to remind everyone you know once an hour that you are racing this weekend.  Four....no five...times a day is probably enough.  Provide the tracking information.  (I'm bib 3258).  Send a read receipt to make sure they got it.  Update them on this hourly with the zeal of a four year old jumping up and down yelling "WATCH THIS!" (Did you guys sign up for tracking?  Just checking...)

7.  Check the weather to make sure you're prepped for race day with your running gear.  Pack your snowsuit in case there's a blizzard.  Pack your bikini for the inevitable lava explosion that will make it 200 degrees out.  Do NOT, under any circumstances, pack the tights you wore for your tempo run that have a hole in a very bad place.  (That you found out about in the worst way.  What?  It WAS A FRIEND!).

8.  Ask your husband to review your race packing list.  When he mentions you forgot hair ties, remind him that he's bald and doesn't even need them, so what does he know.  Mention sweetly that if he kills you in your sleep for being such a bitch  so helpful with regard to his hairline that he will be found out and will not get the life insurance you just bumped up.  Sleep with one eye open anyways, gripping your pillow tight.  EXTRA ...oh wait, where was I.

9.  Double and triple check your hotel reservations, race registrations and directions.  Mapquest that shit and print it in case your phone dies and your car accidentally brings you back to 1995.  Add in that discman for good measure to rock out on the race course - it's retro, baby!

10.  Get ridiculously sappy with those that have put up with your shit, been there for you during training, and have not managed to kill you during your idiocy during taper.  Tell them how much you love them and how awesome they are.  Repeatedly.  Make it weird.  You're basically a college kid at a frat party who's drunk and needs to go home.  DO NOT DRINK.  You are crazy enough sober right now. (This does not apply post race - beer me.)

And after all that, remind yourself that you invested a ton of time, energy and resources in chasing this big dream of yours and how much you love it.  Then go enjoy the hell out of that race!

Brotherly Love: The Quest for the Q in Philly!

In the longest drawn out season ever, (just wait, it gets better), one would think that  I might finally get it through my brain to take an off season.  The 2022 race season started off  on December 20th with week one of Ironman Des Moines prep - and it's been a wildly successful year - I can't even believe it.  Barrelman 70.3 in September was meant to wrap it up, but as I've alluded to a few times, the best laid plans....just pivot.

This story goes back a few years ago, which is ironic on so many levels.  Back to 2018, specifically, when I was done with triathlon.  Done-zo.  When you hate the bike, it's really pretty stupid to hope they cancel it every race (they, uh, don't.  Ever).  We don't need to rehash the past four years, but you all know the story - enter in some unlikely friendships, good old fashioned ass kicking, a few shots (okay, many) of kraken, bad decisions, and here we are - triathlon is back on the table, in one hell of a way.  2023 is looking pretty excellent, and I'm amped to kick some serious ass. And while I miss my original group of bad decisions, I've somehow fallen into a few others that are proving to be a hell of a lot of fun.  The future is littered with laughs, dumb ideas, and epic times.  I can't wait!

Before I took the leap back to multisport, though, I made another goal - to Boston qualify.  This was in the midst of the first round of bad decision making friends (yeah, I keep accumulating them, I dunno.  Red flags are pretty and I like livign on the edge, what can I say)  

Anyways, at the end of 2018 I signed up for a marathon in April 2019 - the Coffee Milk marathon.  It checked a few boxes - it was drivable, a new state (I'm an aspiring 50 stater, with fourteen under my belt and 36 left before I kick the bucket - its such a fun way to see the country).  Nestled in Rhode Island, which is my favorite state aside from North Dakota (I did not stutter) it was small race and, I believed, BQ-able, with my Boston qualifying time a 3:35.  

I trained hard for it, and went outside my comfort zone a bunch - with IBR Round the Bay Runs in the cold, a pretty intense (for me at the time) training schedule using Hanson's Marathon method, and a laser focus attitude.  The race did not pan out as expected - I did net a huge PR, going from 3:53 down to 3:41, but there was a decent amount working against me - the day was unseasonably warm, the course not well stocked, and I'll admit, my fitness to hold an 8:10 pace for 26.2 miles just wasn't there.  However, I was pleased with the effort, once I got over the BQ disappointment, and it was a huge springboard to my 2019 tri season that has followed by a few more amazing years and a thirst for some crazy lofty goals for 2023. I'm not the athlete I was in 2019.  Not at all.  And that's in an incredible pinch myself is this real kind of way.

But that Boston thought always lingered - and I'd honestly put it away in my brain until I'd made peace
with a few other multisport goals, namely Ironman (this is still TBD - I'm thrilled with my 2022 performance but still feel I've got some more magic there), learning to ride my freakin bike (jury's out on this, but I posit I've done so) and a the half ironman - I'm still working on this, but I did net an 8 minute PR on a non A race.  Namely, I'd finally done what my old coach asked me to do - ditched being a runner and become a damned triathlete.

Then a few things happened.  One, I turned 40, which gave me a new BQ standard - at 3:40.  Two, I'd
run a crazy fast for me half marathon last year in 1:36. Three, I had a solid as shit season and ran a 1:42 half marathon off the bike in a half Ironman, which got the wheels turning.  Four, lest you think I inherited some sort of logic gene, my buddy Marcus set a goal of BQing in October to run Boston in 2024, which he did handily. Since we are co dependent race-cation buddies, clearly he needed a friend, right?

I'd like to say this led to some serious conversations with the husband about my goals and the BQ idea, but it really didn't.  It led to a cursory search of fall marathons that wasn't really meant to go anywhere, but quickly resulted in the husband hitting "register" a few days later, and then a "Happy Birthday"! BTW your present is Philly, go BQ.

 Well, there ya go.  With that in mind, I ditched my late season half ironman lofty goal (my heart wasn't in it anyways) and drew up a twelve week plan for Philly, largely based off of Hanson but with a few extra long runs in there - I personally like the 20 miler, and the 22 miler in 2022 really helped my mindset for Iowa. 

With the race set to occur in ten days, I've put the work in.  And when people ask me how it's gone, I have zero idea how to answer them.  I need a 3:40.  Logic tells me to aim for a 3:35, which will give me padding if the qualification standards and registration require a buffer (they haven't the past two years, but in the past you needed to go under your BQ time by up to 4 minutes, so its better to plan ahead).  Even further anxiety masterful planning reminds me that a marathon is rarely 26.2 miles, due to courses being measured the the closest tangent, which is tough to always run, so planning for 26.5 miles is smarter.  So, with that....I'm aiming for a 3:32 marathon.....or....26 and change miles at a 8:00 pace.

Every single run I have done for the past three months has told me this is more than possible.  My last long run of 22 miles two weeks ago averaged an 8:16 pace - and the last mile was a 7:42.  (I had some pretty awesome people pacing me, so that helped).  

The hay is in the barn.  And now there's nothing left to do but the two hardest parts - tapering and race execution.  Both of which require something I'm not great at - intelligence and patience.  

I'm terrified.  And excited.  And terrified all over again.  An once again, I'm absolutely amazed by the people that have come together to help me pursue this goal.  I'm gonna save the sap for my race report, but once again, the love from our community of athletes is absolutely amazing to me.  I've had some fantastic new training buddies - people asking me to run that I could never dream of running next to - and they are the most encouraging people I have ever met (they are also assholes in their own right, but in the very best "don't fuck it up way, and I mean that so lovingly). 

 I have people that are willing to break the course down for me and offer tips and pointers to meet my goals - whether they raced it last year or seven years ago.  People that have stepped in and sent their positive magic energy my way and also reminded me that training is supposed to be fun AND inspiring - as well as offering proper, um, nutrition advice on gel absorption (OMG). And - the people that have always been by my side.  Whether its been since I started this whole Rae 2.0 back in 2018, or walked into it as a stupid Ironman newbie in 2010, or the very same one that brought up this dumbass amazing idea back in 2005 and has never faltered from being my biggest supporter.  

It seems fitting that I'm attempting this in the city of brotherly love - because every step of the way, I'll

be thinking about those awesome people (yes, mostly guys, but a few amazing women come to mind here too!) and it's also pretty fitting that one of my favorite dumpster fires is also running it (not with me, he will finish at least a half hour sooner) - but he's the one that tipped a glass to me two weeks ago and said - so - have you ever thought of ditching that triathlete shit and being a runner?  Cause you are good at it.

Well, no, Dave, I haven't - but on November 20 - I'll be a runner.  A runner who is going to go after that thing that's been on her brain since 2018....ok, 2009....ok, since I knew Boston existed....and let's see what happens!

EVL Half Marathon 2022: Sucker for Pain

And here we are, back to our normal go to on the blog - a race report!  Thanks all for your comments on the last "life" post - it seems that October did, in fact, just suck in general for everyone.  Seems to be a pattern, and one I intend to break for 2023 - stay tuned.  At the very least, I did round out my October with a few fun things - the fall foliage was GORGEOUS for running, and the past two weekends were full of fall fun, friends and running!  We can chat more about this past weekend another time, but today it's all about one of those stand by faves for fall races two weekends ago- the EVL half marathon!

I've run this race twice - in 2019 and in 2020.  It's in Ellicottville, which is home of ski country in WNY, and as a random offshoot of COVID, I have a ton of friends in Cattaraugus County, so its a race that stays on my calendar whenever possible.  It's Halloween themed, a fantastic party, and not flat at all, with about 600 ft elevation gain in 13.1 miles.  Oof.  Back in 2019 I raced it while sick, 2020 was 4 weeks post COVID, and so I've never really executed the race well, but its always a good time.  This year was a deferral from 2021, and since I was four weeks out from Philly on race day, the goal was to run it at marathon pace - 8:00 mile, as steady as possible, but not a "full out" effort.  Sweet.

Since I wasn't "racing", I decided to go in costume.  Biz is Harley Quinn this year, and through some weird kid sizing, the first costume I bought her...fit me.  Since I am such a serious parent (LOL) I decided to roll with it, and this was the perfect place to test my Suicide Squad mode (this may, in fact, be a metaphor for my life, but I digress!).  I ran in the outfit once (sorry for anyone on their morning commute that saw this), called it good, and was ready to bounce.

Pre Race

This race has a weird start time, at 11am.  Greg was also racing, so we conned nicely asked my friend Lauren to watch our kiddos (she is a rockstar) and took off early on what Biz dubbed our "road trip" to Ellicottville.  The weather was awesome - for anything but running, of course, with a high temp of 70 - which wasn't bad, but after a few weeks of runs in the 40s, a bit warm.  Clearly, knee high cotton socks and a long sleeved cotton tee was the way to go for a wardrobe (god, am I an idiot or what?  Don't answer that.)

We yeeted the kids out the window dropped the kids off at 9:30 and were on site by 10am for packet pickup, pre race pics, and a quick warm up.  I hit the mile warm up  at an easy pace, with a few pick ups, and my shoes, which were pretty new, and not used to socks in them (I never wear socks)  felt a little loose, so I tightened them.  (Future Rae would really regret this).  Took care of business, nailed a few #seriouspics, and lined up, ready to race!  My friend Billy lined up with me, as we were both aiming for a 1:45 (spoiler alert - we both failed at this - he netted a 1:41, and read on for my failure).  With a few minutes to go, some chick in a pink shirt scooted in front of me, and I gave her shit for thinking she was all fast or something (she is, and a local pro) - poor Jennie thought I was serious and then started laughing once she realized who I was.  Whoops :-P  We joked around for a minute, and before I knew it, the gun went off and we were on!

The Race!

Mile 1 brought a few things to light - one, I was a massive idiot to tighten my shoes and my left foot quickly went numb, and I was too stubborn to stop for fifteen seconds to fix this, - two - cotton anything is really dumb and was hot as shit for the next 12 miles - and three - a minute into the race I managed to catch the legendary pink shirted Jennie Hansen and ran with her for a whole mile.  I joked with her that this was unprecedented for me and apologized for Fan Girling, and she said something back that was probably like "get the hell off my back loser" but came out much more encouraging sounding so I ran with it (thanks Jennie!).  I realized the folly of my ego when my watch beeped mile one at 7:12 and backed the hell off.  Back to earth, Rae, you are not a pro.

Miles 2-6 were pretty uneventful - there were a few more rollers than I remembered, but I managed pacing well - the first 10k is net downhill, so I knew I would be a bit faster, and I was averaging 7:30-7:40 based on rollers, which was perfect.  I talked to a dude about mile 5 that was working super hard and advised him to take it easy (yeah I'm here all day for advice, clearly I make good decisions)  We joked around for awhile then he flew by me (yes, I caught him later).  At mile 6, we made the left turn that started the uphill portion of the course - miles 6-9.5 are just ridiculous on this course - its not a matter of if you'll slow down, its by how much.  I had a goal to average 8:30-8:45 for this section and keep my effort level a 6-7, which I had done so far.

At mile 7 Billy came zooming by me making airplane arms, which made me giggle.  He yelled at me to join him, which I did for the airplane dance, then waved him off - as tempting as it was to do the zooms, I had promised myself and my new possible coach for 2023 that I wouldn't do stupid things (see - I'm trying to listen!)  Aside from the headwind and my ridiculously uncomfortable socks and shirt, the section wasn't too bad.  I joked around with people about the wind, and a dude dressed as Superman about catching his sails (I ended up passing him, but he was a good sport about it).  Miles 7, 8, 9 clocked in right on target between 8:32-8:48 and at mile 9.5 I made the turnaround and flew to mile 10 in 7:42.

The turnaround was awesome - I saw Steve, Mike (who PRed and went sub 2!), Nancy and Greg before turning right to head back home, where there was still a decent headwind, but more of a rolling course in terms of elevation. I cheesed it up for the photographers at miles 10 and 11, one of whom joked that I looked too good and maybe I should start working, and the other I threw down the pathetic triathlete pose, and he laughed and said I made his day (I am a little grumpy this didn't make the race pics, but what can ya do).

Miles 12 and 13 felt awesome, and I picked it up as I went along.  I passed a dude at mile 12 who asked for my number (this is what happens when you run in dyed pigtails and butt shorts, and I laughed) and passed about ten people the last fifteen minutes, with my last 5k faster than my first, which was spot on - mile 13 was my second fastest mile in 7:15 and I was all smiles - this felt awesome!  I crossed the finish line in 1:43:21, for a 7:51/mile, and just slightly faster than my 1:45 goal!

Post Race

Post race I caught up with Billy, who killed it, and my fellow RATs, Mike and Bonnie, who kindly held my medal as I cooled down and scoped out my athletes still on course, who both finished strong in the less than ideal wind and heat.  I FINALLY loosened my shoe (way to go, loser), and spent a little QT hanging with the awesome Wolfpack and RATs crew, and caught up with some of my Cat county buddies, one of which tried to pick me up with some free candy (Thanks Brad, love ya bro).  I found out that I came in 8th overall woman, and won my age group, which absolutely blew me away - I have to say, its ironic that this is the first year I haven't actually tried to race this race, but the execution, despite the heat, wind and stupid outfit, was spot on.  I can't WAIT for Philly to see how this whole fall marathon training pans out - and for the first time - I can say EVL was a total success!

Only Human

This post has been awhile in the making. It’s easy for me to sit down and write a race report or a week recap for training. It’s factual. It follows a nice linear progression and tells you exactly what happened. It’s also predictable for the most part - for multisport there was a swim (we hope) a bike, a run, and this year....probably a train.

It also tells a pretty similar story if you know me at all. Namely, I swam comfortably, but not fast, didn’t bike hard enough, and swooped in for the PR or win in the run (That's not a humble brag,  I can't believe I just typed that.  Hello 2022.) Sometimes there’s an element of surprise in there, like racing on the surface of the sun or in a deluge (especially if Ken shows up), but it’s usually a nice easy, fun read, like a beach novel, that’s
cozy and you can smile at the end, knowing our hero (again, always me) pulled it off.

I’m still working on those stories now that it’s time to plan for 2023. There’s the element of looking at the expected plot and keeping the bits you like and probing at the pitfalls to see if you can’t minimize or eliminate them to get to an even better outcome.  (Yeah fine, you can teach me how to swim.  Who actually wants to?) I am so excited to do that. 

But this one’s not a race report. It’s a life story. And while I am getting pretty good at looking at my athletic life through an objective lens, I’m not always the best at it when it comes to my personal life. 

I took a few days off last week to figure some stuff out. I’ve been feeling pretty crappy the past few weeks and it was time to figure out a way to get beyond it. It’s not abnormal for these sorts of feelings to get to me around this time of year…summer is over, the lighthearted play is winding down, it gets dreary, and the back-to-school doldrums settle in (yes, this is a thing even as a grown up that’s not in the education setting).

 Fall running is amazing, but it’s not the same as multisport race season in the summer. Goals are discussed for 2023 but still far away and harder to get enthused by. The dirty talk of “off season” comes into conversations (not that I listen, I’m not that bright). Play dates are harder to come by. Everyone, including myself, seems to be caught in adulting and has less time to enjoy life....and almost seems to a point where they seem to enjoy bitching about it.  Including me.  It's toxic.  And annoying.  And so draining.  

 I couldn’t really figure it out.  I looked back to last year - well, it appears I signed up for a race in October. Look at that.  And the year before...well, that was COVID so we don't count that.  And I can't really remember life in BC (that's Before Covid) except I'm positive it was hella more fun, or at least my rose-colored glasses tell me so.  Hindsight is so....oh we did not fucking go there.

Well, I've already signed up for a race this fall, so that wasn't it.  (Yeah, for those of you that don't follow this train wreck in person, Greg gifted me entry to the Philly marathon for my 40th birthday - on November 20.  Either he wants me to BQ or die - jury is still out, but I'm gonna go down swinging for the former!).  There's only so many times you can invent a midlife crisis (even though I just hit that big 40), so I stepped away from the hair dye, resisted the urge to cut some bangs, and just took some time alone.  Some of it was filled with ice cream.  Some of it with sunshiny or rainy miles.  And admittedly, quite a bit with sad ass old songs from the 90s that I listened to while whining about boys in my teen years, complete with a couple of good cry fests.  I'm not sure what I was looking for....or my way out of.  To be honest, I'm still not so sure.

I think part of it is this concept of reaching.  The past few years have taught me that there really is no limit for what I want - there might be stumbles along the way, but as I keep dreaming up new dreams and trying new things, it's really easy to look back and see the accomplishments and overlook the jagged path to success.  I wasn't necessary full of amazing days "back then" but it sure seems like it sometimes.  And I'm not afraid of stumbling, or failing.  But I do sometimes wonder what the definition of failure is, or how many times I'm willing to either try to learn the lesson or fall flat on my face again....and if I can keep dealing with that pain. 

I think you have to ask yourself how many times you’re willing to put yourself out there, unabashedly, and be the
person you are without apologies. Whether it's trying a new skill, shooting for a goal, being around new people, or anything else. To jump headfirst into life with no reservations and put yourself out there knowing it might be amazing but also knowing you might just totally fall on your face, and hoping you have the courage to go to bat again when that inevitably happens. 

And if you do, does that mean you should relearn a lesson and do it differently next time? Or do you stand up, dust off, and be the best you that you can be all over again without losing those parts of you that make you the person you are? These were some serious hard questions to answer - and even harder while reminding myself that I can't control anyone's actions but my own.  Lately, to be honest... I feel like the only place I'm killin' it is on the race course - which, of course, makes those race reports even easier to write.  But what about the rest of my life - about work, about my kids, about my family, about my friends?  I don't know.  There's been so much in turmoil lately - some of it I am a part of, some of it I'm a bystander, and some of it I'm the person they turn to in order to fix it.

It's tough.  And it's even tougher for me to step back and say - what do I want?  Is this something that I can live with the way it is long term?  And am I doing what I can do on my end to either help the situation or walk in the best path - even if that means walking away?  

I don't know all the answers, but I am still about that balance.  And I'm coming to terms with the fact that maybe sometimes I don't need to know all the answers and that some of these things are around so that I can either learn from them, walk away from them, or use them to appreciate the really good areas in my life, knowing that there always will be areas in your life that fall below the "line of suck". 

This morning I went out for a run (because that's news for you, right?)  It's getting chilly out, so even though I am still full on in my protest of pants (I wore shorts, relax), I did wear a long-sleeved shirt.  It was from Musselman 2009 - a race I'll never forget.  On paper, I have never DNFed (did not finish) a race - but in my mind, this race was about as close as a failure as you can get.  I got kicked in the head during the swim and got super dizzy, floundering my way for a mile before they pulled me out with .2 miles in the swim to go.  I sat in medical for 20 minutes, crying, when the RD at the time came over and asked me if I was okay.  Physically, I was fine.  Mentally, I was absolutely crushed.  He got down on my level and said - go bike.  go run.  Do it for you.  Do not cross the finish line - I can't count you - but YOU will have known you've done it.

And so I did.  With my slowest time by an hour, I went and rode the bike.  I ran the run.  And I did not care one iota what those results said - in my mind, it counted.  I might be a DNF but I was going to dust myself off and keep fucking going.  When I got to the finish line, that same RD was there and I stopped two feet short of the line and started to go around it.  He looked me dead in the eye and said - YOU did this.  Cross it. You are a Musselman.  So I did.  And after the race, during awards, he called me out by name for being so determined and I found myself with a brand new $600 wetsuit.  A day - and a race - and a lesson -  I'll never forget.  There's always a way.  Even if it looks bleak.  Even if it isn't what you wanted, or what you expected.  

The shirt is threadbare.  It's seen season after season of hard things and days that I did not want to get out of bed and "face the thing".  I'll never get rid of it.  And this morning, as I ran pre-dawn to start my absolutely shitty day full of meetings and hard things, I got those miles in, and I did them well.  And I reminded myself that I don't need to figure it out all right now.  I just need to remember where I've come from and how back in 2009- I would kill to be where I am now.  And when I'm struggling and not sure about life, sometimes the answer is - just that one step.  Just that one text.  Just that one reach out to a friend who ends up listening to me cry like a baby about all of it. (Thank you, by the way, friend - in a world where I am usually the rock...I needed you.  More than you will ever know).  Just that one text to a friend who needs that from me.

Perspective. Imperfection. And the grace to admit that it's not all wrapped up with a pretty bow - sometimes it's a grey shirt that reminds you that you have made it through every hard thing so far.  And you will.  One step at a time.