Someone send a cookie. I finally broke the Dan Reynolds theme. Of course, no one is surprised that I moved right back to my true love, Ed (oh that man....Ed, why are you married?)
Ok, Rae, knock it off. (To be fair, Greg supports my love of Ed Sheeran and I have full permission to run away with him when I meet him. Because, you know, he's totally pining for me).
Where was I going with this?
Right. Perfection. Man, you guys, it's been a crazy 6 weeks. Crazy. I think if I was to go back and read my big ass attitude take no prisoners blog from January-March and then everything post marathon taper I would wonder what kind of crazy emotional mess took over for Rae. Good news is, I'm finally moving out of it. Better news is, I think I actually learned something from it, and am growing for it.
Someone get that woman a lolly pop, she's graduated kindergarten!
For real, though, people. As I've embraced the step by step method (which, I love you all for the props on and I'm glad it even helped one person!) I've also embraced the idea of letting go of perfection. Of being okay with hitting 3 miles of tempo instead of 4. Of taking a deep breath and being real in a conversation with my friends and family. Of voicing my idea that sounded good in my head at work and is a complete dud. Of just going for it with the best I have at the time.
It's scary as hell to admit that you aren't chasing perfection. That you might, in fact, have absolutely no idea what you're doing 99% of the time.
Somehow, there was this concept out there that I might actually have all my shit together. (Let's take a moment to laugh at this). Really, it couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not sure if it's the weather (will it ever stop raining?) the fact that both my kids are little terrors because they are SO OVER SCHOOL (teachers, I totally feel for you), that work has been a shit show with all the travel and deadlines, that Greg's work is also insane, the fact that even though I've altered my training, my foot is still somewhat effed up....oh wait. I think I was going to say something to the effect of I'm not sure why my shit is all over the place. Pretty sure that covers it.
So, let's reiterate....do i have my shit together? NO! Sometimes i go for a run in the rain and cry. Sometimes I skip the run and just cry. Sometimes I eat all the oreos. And sometimes, I just stare at the wall, trying to summon the energy to be a damned human being. Sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough to accomplish my goals. Sometimes I have second thoughts about the direction of my life, the people I interact with, and in general, a clue about what the hell I'm doing.
And after spending way the hell too much of my time being anxious about it, I'm realizing that it's ok. Whoever said life was sunshine and daisies is crap. We live in a world right now where most of what we see is heavily filtered. Insta posts of people "killin' it", Facebook posts of perfect families, races, meals, and life seen through the most perfect rose colored glasses.
Because who wants to see reality? We all live it. We want the escape. Because that's so much easier to wrap our heads around.
I'm calling BS. It's time to embrace it. To embrace it all. The bad days, because they make the good days so much better. The good days, because then you can remember how damned lucky you are to have them.
This all coincides, of course, with my taper for Buffalo (serious question - is there even a taper if you don't have a build?) As I've posted before, I signed up for this race as a BQ redemption from my last marathon, 5 weeks ago when I was full of optimism and speed. Since then, I've had mental doubt, physical doubt, and wallet doubt. I debated not even running it. I took four days off running this week to get my shit straight (it was supposed to be a week, but....I'm weak. See above). Oddly enough, it's not felt like a taper because....I'm not doing anything!
In lieu of being anxious, or trying to ascertain the perfect race plan, I've decided to let it go. To stop stressing about my time, about my pacing strategy, about my perfect taper. And just enjoy it. To remember why I'm lucky enough to get to do this and to ease up on myself for once in my life.
It's sort of freeing. And also terrifying. But I think if I can just let go for one fucking second and smell the roses, that might actually be the next step in this whole big, scary goals thing. To step back from your laser focus on those goals, let go of achieving all of the "perfection" and enjoy the art of the process, in all its squiggly lined, screwed up glory.
And that, while its not perfection, seems like it might be more of an interesting ride. Count me in. Bring the oreos. And the wine. We're gonna need it.
Ok, Rae, knock it off. (To be fair, Greg supports my love of Ed Sheeran and I have full permission to run away with him when I meet him. Because, you know, he's totally pining for me).
Where was I going with this?
Right. Perfection. Man, you guys, it's been a crazy 6 weeks. Crazy. I think if I was to go back and read my big ass attitude take no prisoners blog from January-March and then everything post marathon taper I would wonder what kind of crazy emotional mess took over for Rae. Good news is, I'm finally moving out of it. Better news is, I think I actually learned something from it, and am growing for it.
Someone get that woman a lolly pop, she's graduated kindergarten!
For real, though, people. As I've embraced the step by step method (which, I love you all for the props on and I'm glad it even helped one person!) I've also embraced the idea of letting go of perfection. Of being okay with hitting 3 miles of tempo instead of 4. Of taking a deep breath and being real in a conversation with my friends and family. Of voicing my idea that sounded good in my head at work and is a complete dud. Of just going for it with the best I have at the time.
It's scary as hell to admit that you aren't chasing perfection. That you might, in fact, have absolutely no idea what you're doing 99% of the time.
Somehow, there was this concept out there that I might actually have all my shit together. (Let's take a moment to laugh at this). Really, it couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not sure if it's the weather (will it ever stop raining?) the fact that both my kids are little terrors because they are SO OVER SCHOOL (teachers, I totally feel for you), that work has been a shit show with all the travel and deadlines, that Greg's work is also insane, the fact that even though I've altered my training, my foot is still somewhat effed up....oh wait. I think I was going to say something to the effect of I'm not sure why my shit is all over the place. Pretty sure that covers it.
So, let's reiterate....do i have my shit together? NO! Sometimes i go for a run in the rain and cry. Sometimes I skip the run and just cry. Sometimes I eat all the oreos. And sometimes, I just stare at the wall, trying to summon the energy to be a damned human being. Sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough to accomplish my goals. Sometimes I have second thoughts about the direction of my life, the people I interact with, and in general, a clue about what the hell I'm doing.
And after spending way the hell too much of my time being anxious about it, I'm realizing that it's ok. Whoever said life was sunshine and daisies is crap. We live in a world right now where most of what we see is heavily filtered. Insta posts of people "killin' it", Facebook posts of perfect families, races, meals, and life seen through the most perfect rose colored glasses.
Because who wants to see reality? We all live it. We want the escape. Because that's so much easier to wrap our heads around.
I'm calling BS. It's time to embrace it. To embrace it all. The bad days, because they make the good days so much better. The good days, because then you can remember how damned lucky you are to have them.
This all coincides, of course, with my taper for Buffalo (serious question - is there even a taper if you don't have a build?) As I've posted before, I signed up for this race as a BQ redemption from my last marathon, 5 weeks ago when I was full of optimism and speed. Since then, I've had mental doubt, physical doubt, and wallet doubt. I debated not even running it. I took four days off running this week to get my shit straight (it was supposed to be a week, but....I'm weak. See above). Oddly enough, it's not felt like a taper because....I'm not doing anything!
 |
| #nofilter |
In lieu of being anxious, or trying to ascertain the perfect race plan, I've decided to let it go. To stop stressing about my time, about my pacing strategy, about my perfect taper. And just enjoy it. To remember why I'm lucky enough to get to do this and to ease up on myself for once in my life.
It's sort of freeing. And also terrifying. But I think if I can just let go for one fucking second and smell the roses, that might actually be the next step in this whole big, scary goals thing. To step back from your laser focus on those goals, let go of achieving all of the "perfection" and enjoy the art of the process, in all its squiggly lined, screwed up glory.
😊👊
ReplyDelete