I'm a little late to this one - but with the way 2023 shook out, we needed to make sure of a few things - first, that the damned year actually ended, and then, to take a few deep breaths to process it.
Maybe more than a few. I think its de rigeur to look back at the past year and think - wow. What the hell. I know I did it looking back at 2022, and as I look back at that year, I had some amazing highs and lows that I thought 2023 couldn't even come close to the magnitude of.
Hold my beer, said 2023. And as I read through my recap of 2022, at the lessons learned, I smiled, teared up and thought - if only you knew what the next year would bring. If only - you knew. The lines I penned one year ago:
That was so damned spot on, I never would have guessed. There are some people that I grew with from 2022. Some that I left in 2022. Some of them that left last year - came back. And some in full force - ones I never expected. And some people that showed up in 2023 that I never would have imagined have found a deep spot in my heart. You just never know what path your life is going to take.
And this year, the people that showed up in my life - saved it. 2023, without a doubt, has been the wildest ride I have ever been on - I accomplished things I never dreamed I would, and was brought to the lowest of lows by life at the same time. There have been many days where I wasn't sure I was going to make it, to be honest. By by the grace of some amazing people, and a sheer stubborn will, I did. And when I look back - this was a year of growth. A year of pain and tears. And a year to realize that I am so much stronger than I ever could have imagined.
And as always, there were lessons. Lessons that I never thought I would have to face. In 2023 I learned...
You can't have it all. This was such a hard lesson to learn. Five years ago, I sat down and made a choice. I didn't like where I was at in life with respect to sport, or, quite honestly, how I saw myself. I had just finished Ironman Lake Placid and was disenchanted with triathlon and my general fear of everything. It was bad. So I sat down and made some intentions for 2019 - big, scary goals if you will. For the past four years, I've gone out of my comfort zone, put myself in situations I had no business being in with respect to racing and training partners (that's my perspective) and as a whole, adapted the "Why not" mentality. As in - fuck it - lets give this a shot. And done so, without barriers or reservations.
It's gotten me to places I've never dreamed. This year alone, I qualified for Kona, Taupo (World's 70.3) and another Boston Qualifier for 2025. I've had so many amazing people help me along the way - friends, awesome coaches, and teammates. I never would have expected any of it. And the trip has been amazing. Incredibly hard, but absolutely, mind-blowingly, amazing.
And while 2023 was another year of epic feats, I learned a really hard lesson - that you can't have it all. That the balancing act I tri - ed for (See what I did there, and now the blog makes sense) epically failed. Because you can't always keep the balance. And riding high on athletic success cost me dearly this year, even though I went at it with the best of intentions - and with the best idea of how to balance it all.
What You see on the Outside...is not the full picture. I know everyone was shocked when I opted out of racing Kona - and the love from my support crew.....was real. Of supporters I didn't even know I had. One of the things I heard over and over again was - you seem to have all your shit together. We had no idea. And bythe way..... we....don't either. September, October and November flattened me. Flattened. There were so many days when I doubted that I would make it to the next one. But an odd thing happened during this low time - people that I never thought would be part of my story - became part of my story. And I became part of theirs. Whether it was sharing their own struggles or showing their support to me during my darkest days in ways I never imagined, I was able to see sides of people that I never knew existed. And find solace. And at the same time - be honest and real about the parts of me that people don't see every day. It's with that kind of grace that I know that no matter what 2024 brings - it will be okay. And the people that saw me....and allowed me to see the real, vulnerable parts of them - will be okay. We are in this together.
Everything and Everyone Happens for a Reason. This lesson tends to follow me from year to year, and I always leave it in - because its such a double edged sword. There are things that happened this year that were absolutely amazing - people that came back into my life, new people that showed up along the way, and events I never dreamed would be a reality. Sitting at the awards banquet at Ironman Texas and hearing my name called for a Kona slot was - indescribable. Wearing the lei put on my by Ironman deeming me eligible to compete at that world level on Ironman's biggest stage......unbelieveable. I will never forget it. And while life had a different plan in mind for the actual event - I know, in my heart of hearts, that I will qualify again. And when I do, it will be right. But the journey - was indescribable. And the same thing with the people I've met along the way this year. Some of them left - some are in a much different capacity than I ever thought they would be. It's been really hard, embracing the change and knowing what I can and can not control. But that leads me to my last lesson....
You are stronger than you think. I always knew I was stubborn. And that I had a lot of will. But never until this year did I know....what I'm made of. And how very damned much I can handle. Whether its a 5am swim, a 7 hour brick, a sprint to max for the last two miles of a 140.6.....or picking myself up off the ground after life flattened me..... again....I got back up. Every. Time. And I know, going into 2024, that no matter what life throws at me, I can do this.
When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of,
You might bend till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees, you look up, decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off,
Then You Stand.
Fifteen years later - it still holds true. And with 2023 behind me, I can't be thankful enough. For the lessons, for the perseverance, for the friends. For those amazing people - my QVC, Dumpster, Safety Tights and Older Sister. For PC and the Bear. For Cruise, for Will, for Too Tall. For my Ham Bro. And for Mean Dude, Renegade and Zeus. (Does anyone have a real name any more??) There are so many more. But I will never, ever forget what you did for me this year. And as we go into 2024, I can only hope that I can be there for these wonderful angels even a fraction of how much they helped me in 2023.
Over and out, 2023. And on to 2024 - to a new year full of adventure, friendships, and love. A year to knock my socks off. Let's do this!
