Ironman Training Block #5 - Can't Help Me Now

Sometimes, I wish I could write posts in my head that would magically transcribe themselves into a perfectly formatted blog and - voila!  I could hit publish.  I've written some pretty epic (in my own brain) posts while out for a run or ride and then forgotten the majority of it when I finally have a chance to sit down and transcribe.  Maybe I need one of those voice to text thingies.  Wait, I already struggle to ride my bike as is, while paying attention.... scratch that.  I suppose you'll just have to wait for my navel gazing as is.  We do the best we can.

This post is a little overdue - Block #5 "in theory" ran from April 18-May 15 - reality....is another story. As is the last month.... months? of my life right now, it's a story, a process, a struggle, and possibly a little bit closer to our end goal of 140.6 (TBD).  Let's talk.  I'm going to address this one in more of a linear fashion, as the progression of this block is best told in a timeline.  

Block #5 started out with a bang. In going with the theme of 2022, life continues to pile up a little bit too much unnecessarily, and I put my head down, stare my goals right in the face, grit my teeth, and get it done.  Block #5 brought the training volume up 18 hours per week - which - when you factor in the full-time job (thankfully that can be flexible at times, but still requires 40-50 hours a week), my second job of coaching (yes, this is my own doing, I admit it, but I love it), my littles, family, the two boards I sit on, friends and - guys - my plate is full. Overfull.  I get asked quite a bit how I manage it all, and the answer is, I don't know.  I'm a master of multi tasking, I don't sleep much, and I love (most of) what I do?  I'll probably need to re-assess at some point, but in my self proclaimed mid-life crisis year, I'm spot on in this trainwreck, thanks.

Felix the Felt...he's so ready to race!

With that being said, this block, I needed to start really being judicious with my time.  As in, my natural reaction of saying "Yes" to everything took a backseat - and since I also suck at boundaries, this was quite the test!  Between my non-negotiable life commitments and the workload of training, I found myself often just "getting it done" - cold mornings, tempo runs on little sleep, and odd long training session days.  

Right off the bat, I had to flip around my long run of 20 miles in week #1, due to some weekend visitors.  The first five days of the block were epic, including that 20 miler - I ran the first half solo and the second half with my buddy Hugo - the pace was fast and I felt awesome.  Unfortunately, post run I had to life right away, then ride, then had company all night, which was crappy recovery.  I met another buddy for a ride that next day and completely fell apart a half hour into the ride - I've ridden with this friend quite a bit and he asked lots of questions about my training load, which, I'm sorry to say, I took a little more personally than I should have, and it colored my perception of my training stress way more than it should have one week into a build.  Lesson learned - remember, you know your own situation best, and its important to be honest with yourself about your levels of fatigue, one way or the other. (Spoiler alert - I did not learn this lesson until several weeks later, which is also my forte).

As luck would have it, week #2 re-sorted itself nicely after that rest day on Monday.  My speedwork on the run and ride was spot on, my long ride on Rouvy riding the IMDSM course - 110 miles in 5:27, nailed it (holy shit if I hit that race day I'd die a happy girl), and a solo 18 mile run with some good rollers, all nailed.  Perfect.  I'm indestructible! Nothing can stop me!  I'm so gonna rock this Ironman!!

And then week #3 said....hold my beer. It started off just fine, with a long set swim, which was

consistent but felt a little sluggish.  No biggie.  My tempo run felt awful - I nailed the pace but it was way harder than normal.  I started to re-think the week but said, self (and I knew it was me, cause I recognized my voice) anyone can have an off day.  Put it aside. Get it done.  The next day was a 4.5 hour ride.  90 minutes in, I called the audible.  I just had absolutely no desire to be on the bike.  At all.  It wasn't physcial - my legs felt fine.  But I could not talk myself into this stupid ride.  I pulled out all my tricks - picturing race day, remembering how much I loved the sport, and even sending out some inspo seeking texts (which my guys delivered on beautifully like the amazing friends they are) - nothing.  I didn't have time to redo this ride, guys.  It was do or die.  And...I died.  

In typical Rae fashion, I tried to negotiate my way out of it.  I figured I could ditch the ride, do Thursday's swim on Wednesday, shift Thursday to a semi long ride, and salvage this last week of build.  I got changed, ate a snack, and drove to the pool.  And sat there.  In my car.  Staring at the building.  Completely conflicted.  I called my best friend and just cried.  I rarely let go like this and admit being vulnerable....and I just could not even do this.  I was so incredibly mad at myself - as a truly type A person, I don't believe in giving up.  Because.....if I give up once, doesn't that make it easier to do so next time? 

One of my slow jams, Rob Thomas's "Can't Help Me Now", summed it up....and when I got home.....I listened to that sucker on repeat for the rest of the day, mulling it over...

And we fall, and we break
And we turn our inside out
And we're lost in a daze for days and days and days and now
But I thought that I could turn it around
But I don't wanna fight
I don't wanna cry
I don't wanna leave
But I don't wanna be here, be here now
There's a bad taste in my mouth

When DO you throw in the towel?  Is it wise sometimes to truly know when it's better to take a step back if your body and mind need it?  

Turns out, yes, yes it is.  I had built in time for this to happen.  A free week because of life or these types of situations....I actually thought I wouldn't use it, but turns out week 19 is the magic week.  So, I heeded the wise words of my best friend (I am so lucky I married that guy), turned the car around, and came home.  I spent the next few days doing low key workouts as I wanted to, when I wanted to, how I wanted to, and with whom I wanted to.  It was perfect.  It was exactly what I needed.  And I bounded into block 6....the final build....ready to go.

It didn't hurt that I got to watch Ironman St George the weekend after I fell apart - watching Blu, Kat Matthews, Ryf, and MY BOY LIONEL do some serious shit up - in the perfect setting, the same stage I got to do World's 70.3 just eight months ago - holy crap.  What inspiration.  What raw grit.  And again, why I do what I do.  And while I won't be cruising past Braden Currie to bring in 2nd....and my backdrop is a cornfield...I'm ready.  Block 5 was...our short block.  We are done with that. 

The big dance at the end of this next block is just five weeks away (as of May 8!).....one week of build, my first multisport race of 2022 (Fly by Night Duathlon), two more weeks of build....then taper time.  Then....ITS IRONMAN, BABY!