Welcome 2020! And now, get the hell out. Or go to therapy, at least. Stop being so damned dramatic. Sheesh.
If you've read my blog for any length of time (and I'm so sorry) you know that I have a habit of almost never posting on January 1. I decided long ago that any intentions I set for the new year (don't get me started on the term resolution. Ugh). should not be set until January 2. As a matter of fact, in a fit of good intentions, I actually started this blog on January 2, 2011 (how has it been 9 years???). Oh man, side note - the 2011 me was pretty ridiculous. Oh wait. Still am. Moving on.
So, I had put a lot of thought into this first post of 2020. With 2019 being the absolute crazy, life changing, awesome, scary, dramatic year that it was, I truly walked away from it with the feeling that I had 100% done what I set out to do - I took the parts of my life that I had been resting my laurels on and CHANGED them. Some changes are still in progress, some have come to fruition, and some are still in the planning stage, waiting for execution. They all had one thing in common - there was not one single thing I regretted from 2019. I lived each day fully, made a shit ton of mistakes, and jumped off so many cliffs with my eyes wide open.
It was wild. It was so much damned fun. It was invigorating. It was also, at times, way too dramatic.
So, with 2020 approaching, I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to take all of the awesome progress of 2019 and refine it. To look at all of the steps I took, the successes, and the gaffes, and decide what I really wanted to hang on to and what I needed to discard...to go where I wanted, to eliminate stress, and to really define who I was.
I wanted clarity. Yep, you can stop rolling your eyes. I made a 2020 pun. I get it. But what a year to discard all the crap that comes along with life and really to focus on what your end goals are! Who do I want to be? What type of person am I? And how do I strip all the drama that followed me (and admittedly, in some areas, that I was actively a part of) to really focus on the true "eyes on the prize"?
There were a few steps I needed to take.
1. Define those goals.
2. Take a good look at what the "distractions" (for lack of a better word) are, and
3. Assert the path that leads me there.
I crack myself up sometimes. What I forgot in the process of my brilliant map for the new year was that life has its own plan. And that 2020, in all of its infinite adolescent bullshit, would test me right out of the gate and throw drama at me in every. single. facet. of. my life.
In the past 8 days, I've had three of my close friends come to me with huge life dramas (which, to be honest, I am glad I'm not going through what they are) but being the empath that I am, I've taken in some of their stress. My husband and I both had huge issues our first day back at work, respectively, that we are still working through. I've had two family members get some really bad news that affects them horribly, both in terms of emotional and physical health, and today I got two phone calls that were enough to spike my anxiety through the roof (one child related and one personal). Note: It's not my intent to vague blog - more of protecting those around me. The point is, slow your roll, world! This, of course, is my own little existence on our planet, but add in the global issues of our conflict with Iran, the Australian wildfires, and the earthquakes....it seems 2020 is a raging teenager with a case of hormones that seriously needs to listen to some angry emo and eat a chocolate bar.
I'll tell ya, there is nothing like good ole life to derail your cute little intentions, am I right??
You might not know this about me, but I am a total introvert. Most people shake their heads when they hear that and assume I have no idea what the hell that word means. I do, trust me. I love the hell out of people - out of hanging out with my friends, throwing a party, or even giving a presentation to 500 professionals. But it drains the shit out of me. I need time to get away from people and to be with the person whose company I truly prefer the most - my own. If that sounds narcissistic, it really isn't intended that way. I just find natural energy being by myself - I think, reflect, and generate ideas when I have time by myself to process my surroundings and any current issues I am grappling with. It would come as no shock to any of you that most endurance athletes are also introverts - in my little family of four, three of us are hardcore introverts, and sometimes its a damned miracle that we can even surface to hang out. Of course, most of our hanging out involves racing alone, and then doing the people thing, which makes perfect sense.
I think if I tell one more person that throws crap my way this year "Hang on, I need to process" they might exile me to a deserted island and never let me come back.
That sounds divine.
The bottom line is, one week in and I have no clear vision. No goals to actively chase. And plenty of drama and bullshit that smacks me in the face each day.
But I do have one thing. I have the intent. The desire to frame this year. I just need a little bit of time to breathe, to step back, and to get some things in perspective.
Hang on, 2020. You might have started out like a train wreck (hey, I recognize that analogy, that's me!) but with 358 days left, I am confident we can fix you, one day at a time.
But for now, I need a little time to process. Please, world, can you take five? I'd like to refund my ticket for this runaway train and go somewhere better this year. Thanks ✌😀
If you've read my blog for any length of time (and I'm so sorry) you know that I have a habit of almost never posting on January 1. I decided long ago that any intentions I set for the new year (don't get me started on the term resolution. Ugh). should not be set until January 2. As a matter of fact, in a fit of good intentions, I actually started this blog on January 2, 2011 (how has it been 9 years???). Oh man, side note - the 2011 me was pretty ridiculous. Oh wait. Still am. Moving on.
So, I had put a lot of thought into this first post of 2020. With 2019 being the absolute crazy, life changing, awesome, scary, dramatic year that it was, I truly walked away from it with the feeling that I had 100% done what I set out to do - I took the parts of my life that I had been resting my laurels on and CHANGED them. Some changes are still in progress, some have come to fruition, and some are still in the planning stage, waiting for execution. They all had one thing in common - there was not one single thing I regretted from 2019. I lived each day fully, made a shit ton of mistakes, and jumped off so many cliffs with my eyes wide open.
It was wild. It was so much damned fun. It was invigorating. It was also, at times, way too dramatic.
So, with 2020 approaching, I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to take all of the awesome progress of 2019 and refine it. To look at all of the steps I took, the successes, and the gaffes, and decide what I really wanted to hang on to and what I needed to discard...to go where I wanted, to eliminate stress, and to really define who I was.
There were a few steps I needed to take.
1. Define those goals.
2. Take a good look at what the "distractions" (for lack of a better word) are, and
3. Assert the path that leads me there.
I crack myself up sometimes. What I forgot in the process of my brilliant map for the new year was that life has its own plan. And that 2020, in all of its infinite adolescent bullshit, would test me right out of the gate and throw drama at me in every. single. facet. of. my life.
In the past 8 days, I've had three of my close friends come to me with huge life dramas (which, to be honest, I am glad I'm not going through what they are) but being the empath that I am, I've taken in some of their stress. My husband and I both had huge issues our first day back at work, respectively, that we are still working through. I've had two family members get some really bad news that affects them horribly, both in terms of emotional and physical health, and today I got two phone calls that were enough to spike my anxiety through the roof (one child related and one personal). Note: It's not my intent to vague blog - more of protecting those around me. The point is, slow your roll, world! This, of course, is my own little existence on our planet, but add in the global issues of our conflict with Iran, the Australian wildfires, and the earthquakes....it seems 2020 is a raging teenager with a case of hormones that seriously needs to listen to some angry emo and eat a chocolate bar.
I'll tell ya, there is nothing like good ole life to derail your cute little intentions, am I right??
You might not know this about me, but I am a total introvert. Most people shake their heads when they hear that and assume I have no idea what the hell that word means. I do, trust me. I love the hell out of people - out of hanging out with my friends, throwing a party, or even giving a presentation to 500 professionals. But it drains the shit out of me. I need time to get away from people and to be with the person whose company I truly prefer the most - my own. If that sounds narcissistic, it really isn't intended that way. I just find natural energy being by myself - I think, reflect, and generate ideas when I have time by myself to process my surroundings and any current issues I am grappling with. It would come as no shock to any of you that most endurance athletes are also introverts - in my little family of four, three of us are hardcore introverts, and sometimes its a damned miracle that we can even surface to hang out. Of course, most of our hanging out involves racing alone, and then doing the people thing, which makes perfect sense.
That sounds divine.
The bottom line is, one week in and I have no clear vision. No goals to actively chase. And plenty of drama and bullshit that smacks me in the face each day.
But I do have one thing. I have the intent. The desire to frame this year. I just need a little bit of time to breathe, to step back, and to get some things in perspective.
Hang on, 2020. You might have started out like a train wreck (hey, I recognize that analogy, that's me!) but with 358 days left, I am confident we can fix you, one day at a time.
But for now, I need a little time to process. Please, world, can you take five? I'd like to refund my ticket for this runaway train and go somewhere better this year. Thanks ✌😀
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