Origins

So, I officially apologize for the cheese and w(h)ine fest last post.  I wrote this whole entry with (semi) decent points (it is me, after all) and for some reason, blogger got hungry and ate the post.  I figured this out a few days later and just could not re create the same black magic, hence, a more than normal half assed post that really didn't convey what I wanted it to.

Spoiler alert:  I'm not quitting the blog.  It was really nice to get some cheering from my dedicated readers (you DO exist!  Yay!)  No worries.  I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

I just need a new direction.  What that is, I'm not quite sure yet.  I do know that I've been feeling out of sorts lately (well, no kidding) and as odd as it sounds, I think I've decided to get my mid life crisis right out of the way at the age of 36.  We all knew I was a bit of an over achiever, so why the hell not get a jump on it.  Lately, I'm not feeling quite right about a bunch of things, so rather than complaining, its about time to take some action.  But how?


Well, to borrow from one of my favorites, Dan Brown (really love his stuff - if you haven't moved beyond "The Davinci Code" - do it!), I'll start with the quintessential question: How do you know where you are going if you don't know where you are or where you came from?  (Actually, Maya Angelou really said it.  Dan Brown just wrote a whole book on it with respect to evolution.  So, it's all to scale.  Or however I decide to spin it.  My blog). 

 So, it was time for some soul searching.  As luck would have it, I had a long run on tap, it was 45 degrees out, and the kids spent the night at my mom's house.  What else could I do but take a nice longish run to my old stomping grounds in Webster?  Seems perfectly legitimate to think about how you've gotten here if you are running "home".  

And, as I usually find, my running becomes a microcosm for my life.  In those 11 miles, I hit several high and low points that seem to define perfectly my journey of self reflection....and I noticed several things worth considering.

1.  When leaving on an adventure, don't take the time to let it scare you.  When I left the house, it was 45, with a 50% of showers.  Usually I would bag a long run that wasn't looped with that type of radar screen.  I didn't.  As I pushed off, it was lightly misting.  By mile 3, it was decidedly raining.  Mile 7...it started to pour.  And by mile 10, I couldn't even take a step without audible shoe squishing.  And ya know what?  It was literally one of the best 11 mile runs I've had in awhile.  If I would have backed out due to over thinking, I would have stared at the wall in the basement for 90 minutes.  And I would have missed out.

2.  There will always be obstacles.  See above for the rain.  And the stupid driver that ran a stop sign and nearly hit me at mile 5.  And the asshole that aimed for a huge puddle on my side of the road at mile 8, splashing the hell out of me.  Idiots.  But depending on how hard you believe in your journey, these are merely asides, and no reason to derail your goal.

3.  Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.  My mom's house is 11.5 miles from mine.  The first half of the run is hilly as hell, then it evens out toward mile 5.  This is my turnaround point, should I choose to bail.  After mile 5, the terrain gets significantly easier and it makes no sense to turn around.  As luck would have it, the rain started to significantly get worse at mile 4.5.  And the wind picked up.  I could have turned around.  But I didn't.  There was something about the run that I knew was charting a course for more than a semi decent workout.  And in life, I don't quit.  So I pressed on.

4.  When you least expect it, a helping hand emerges.  Notice it.  And appreciate it.  Even if you don't need it.  Before I left the house, I told Greg my route, and he went on his own 3 mile run.  As he got back home to shower, he noticed the shitty weather and wanted to make sure I was ok.  By then I was at 6.5 miles and I saw our Equinox drive by then pull a U turn.  My angel of a husband offered me a bail - which was awesome.  Did I need it?  Nope.  But it was a really sweet gesture I appreciated.  As he drove home to shower, he yelled out, "By the way, you're killin it!"  And yes, yes I was.

5.  When you are getting close....there is (almost always) one last obstacle.  At mile 11, I pass my old grammar school, which was fitting as I reached the end of my journey of self reflection.  The sidewalk diverges here and the shoulder of the road is super narrow...and there was a nice snowbank in my way.  I could either run in the road or jump the bank.  As there was traffic, I wisely chose the latter.  And, as I have no natural grace, I did a nice plant in the bank and got even colder and wetter than I already was.  After a second of hesitation, I laughed and went on my way.  After all, there is a stoplight right past my mom's house and I could SEE my goal.  And when you can finally see what you want, what can stop you?  NOTHING.

6.  You CAN go home. (Thanks Bon Jovi). Well, I literally was going home.  But as I stopped at my Mom's driveway (OK, just past it....I was at 11.47 miles and admittedly have runner OCD), I looked at my childhood home, knowing my mom and kids were inside, and took a moment to appreciate the juxtaposition of my past, present, and future...all inside the same house.  And I stopped my watch, relishing in the 8:19 pace I held for 11.5 miles, which is awesome for a long non race run for me...and went inside to what was most important.  

As odd as it may sound, this run gave me more peace than I have known in awhile.  Running by some of the places I grew up, in a semi meditative state of what was most important to me, what I value, and why, put me in a great spot to consider where I am now.  What got me to this point in life.  What I bring to the table as a person, and which parts I need to keep, and which parts I have outgrown.  And with those "origins" in mind, I know I can step into some of the new roles I see for myself in the future.  What are they?  I have some ideas.  And for some....I still have no answers.  But that's really definitive of life, isn't it?  And that's ok by me.

Friendsgiving

I have to say, when I started this blog 7 years ago (has it really been that long??)  I didn't give much thought to it, other than some kind of writing consistency.  The first two years, I posted nearly every day, whether it be a post  resembling something of substance, or mindless drivel (if you look back, I tried hard, but most of my posts are complete crap.  I know.  They aren't much better now.  There.  I said it).

Mom, what the hell are you talking about??

Post first child in 2013, my blogging became more sporadic, simply due to lack of time.  I was pretty awesome about posting weekly pregnancy updates and monthly kiddo/mom updates, but let's be real, beyond my mom (oh wait, even she doesn't read my crap)  no one cares about what fruit your kid resembles, except you.  Post Biz, I think I managed to get most of the same kid updates in (god forbid she goes to therapy for that) but again, 99% of the blog was parenting.

2016 and 2017 are a blur.  I think you got some race updates.  I'm pretty sure you know I like running and not my bike.  If you haven't read those years yet, don't bother.  You're all caught up.

As this year winds down, I've often thought about shutting the blog down.  I feel the need to post but most of the time feel pretty blocked of what I need to say.  Recipes are fun, but do they speak to anyone?  I also have about four posts started with different money saving tips that I think might be a useful tool for some readers during the holidays, but again, not calling to me.

In terms of running and triathlons, I obviously have hit my mid life crisis with respect to multi sport this year (then again, I'm not sure I plan to give it up when I turn 50, so I might need to revisit).  It's the part of blogging, aside from family talk, I think I like best, but it really reads more of a diary than anything of substance.

30 second life tip- Stoli raz and seltzer are delicious
in leftover gatorade endurance bottles. 
Take that, Ironman.  You're welcome/

It seems to boil down to two main thoughts for the blog - is this a blog to teach anyone anything (other than how insane I am) or is it a diary?  You would think that after 7 years and a thousand posts, I would have figured it out.

I still haven't.  And spoiler alert - I won't today, either.  As I sat down to write this post about the season of Thanksgiving (clearly I need a dictionary as well, as I must have heard "philosophy" as the main theme and interpreted it very badly).  Oddly enough, I had designs to talk about things like food and the concept of balance, which would be fitting....but then I actually lost the damned post, which might be the upper echelon of blogger telling me to stick with what I do, or jump ship.

Well, fine.  I'll do that.  A day late and a dollar short, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.  And Happy Friendsgiving - even if we've never met, I appreciate the heck out of all of you and when I finally figure out what the hell I'm doing - in terms of blogging, in terms of life, pick your poison - I promise, you'll be the first to know.

The Sweetest Days

The day started out rough.  In an effort to be good parents yet also have a little fun, Greg and I designed the weekend on a balancing act - enough activities to keep the kids busy, but not too busy; among friends, but also being creative on their own; spending time with us, yet giving us a breather.  Friday night was a simple family night, yesterday we got errands done (this kitchen remodel is so much fun...said no one, ever) and then went down the road for couple's game night/kid hangout.  Greg and I have been lucky enough to meet some great people through Rob's school - not only do the kids get along, but so do the moms and the dads.  A true bonding through sugar, alcohol and dirty board games - what more could you ask for? Last night we started out innocently enough with Scattergories (love that game) but after the beer and gin began to slow, switched to a somewhat more expressive game.    You've not lived till you've acted out "36-24-36" to your husband and two more couples.  And that was a tame one.

It was a great night, but also a long one - and when the kids don't get to bed until 10 and your other half indulges a bit too much - well - let's just say it was a bit of a rough morning.  Kids were grumpy, Greg was grumpy, and I was about two seconds away from a freak out (or two seconds past-use your best judgment) - when we decided to bring the kids to the Y to give mommy and daddy a break and release some of their pent up energy.  Did I mention how much I love our damned gym?

Greg went to lift while I worked out some frustration in the pool - blowing off steam actually works, even if it ain't pretty - I managed to whip out my fastest 100 ever, and then settled into some well meaning mediocrity.  Even though I swear I'm getting faster, apparently I still look like shit in the water.  I ain't mad, though - I did manage to lap the guy next to me a fair few times (does it count if he was in his 70s and blowing bubbles in the deep end half the time?  No, it does not.)  After I got out my annoyances, I managed to have a somewhat sluggish but cathartic swim, and the day seemed that much brighter.  Post swim, we had a great lunch, and  I went out for a beautiful, relaxed run in the sunshine.

It was nothing special and everything special all at the same time.  I loaded up my mp3 player with some relaxed tunage from when I was a kid and just breathed deeply and relaxed.  And thought about things.  About life.  About my family.  About everything and nothing.  And I realized that the hub bub of the past 10 months has really put me in a position to run from A to B to C without thinking about any of it.  Which led simultaneously to a vague sense of dissatisfaction and connection to nothing.  And that made me sad.

I got sick a few weeks ago- nothing big, just a cold - but it took me over two weeks to shake it free (literally, I had no idea that my nose possessed so much snot making ability - look at me being all special like that).  It was the annoying kind of sick - where you feel like crap, can't breathe, can't eat, can't have a decent workout - but not sick enough to lay on the couch and watch shitty movies.  Lame.  I'm sure its a combo of the cesspool of germs at the school that both my kids delight in sharing with me (thanks guys) and the massive amounts of stress brought on in the last 9 months with work, Ironman training, marathon training, and personal drama.

Enough.  Even the most type A's can admit when they are forced need to take a break.  With all this rushing around, I've forgotten what means the most to me.  To breathe it all in and enjoy.  To enjoy this time with my kids - it won't last forever- to enjoy this time in my life when I am lucky enough to run (and even not look too terrible in said running shorts) - to enjoy the time with friends and family (maybe even a bit too much, but hey, who's counting), and just to be.  Seems like the perfect time of year to let go of all the crap and just breathe in the things that make me smile.

Back when Biz was a baby, my godmother (she who is master sensei of all) sent me this little gem -

Of course, this will make any mom of a newborn cry.  But I remembered.  As I raised my babies I was very careful to love every sleep deprived second - to realize that I was tired, that I was overextended, but that each baby snuggle was so precious because I never knew when it was the last time.  I haven't hit that stage too many times with Rob and Biz - sure, we had the last time they passed out on my chest (god I miss that), the last time they nursed (that, not so much!), the last time they crawled.....but most of those sweet things still exist - the snuggles, the hand holding, the napping together, the excitement to hug, kiss and see Mom....and it's time to remember to treasure each one and put the rest of my stress in perspective.

As Vanessa Williams said...these are the sweetest days....we'll know (oh you bet I was jamming out to her).  They might not be perfect, they might be filled with daily obstacles, but here they are.  Time is fleeting...and you never know when something that fills you with joy will be...the last time.

Veggin Out

So, after eating my weight in Snickers and Reese's and consuming wayyyyy too much vodka and whiskey last night (that would be 3 shots and a mixed drink....yes, I'm a total lightweight), I've decided it's about time.


Halloween was super fun and all - the kids had a blast, adults had way too much of a blast - and this crazy cat lady certainly enjoyed a night out being  somewhat of a normal  a social creature.  However, It's not the first time I've woke up with a sugar induced hangover that made me want to eat nothing but kale and water and put off my workout for the day.

Hopefully this does not predict the future.  oiy.

None of this is good.  See, I was never that girl that ate all the things and got away with it - until I had kids.  Don't ask me how this works, I'm sure it's like Fight Club, but it seems since having Biz, the food just doesn't stick to me like it used to.  It's quite likely that running 50 miles a week and working from home and forgetting to eat lunch have more to do with this than my semi super power, but I'm choosing to live in ignorance, so deal with it.

But the lack of veggies in my diet lately is leaving me feeling like total crap, so I guess that food pyramid exists for a reason.  Dammit.  So, tonight, I decided to do something I haven't done in the last five years (knock it off, this is a family blog) and I revisited my old volumetrics  eating book from when I was borderline obsessive with my weight back in my twenties.

Turns out, while I might still have the maturity of a 12 year old boy, my eating habits are at least a lot less restrictive and goofy, which is a good thing.  But I did have some excellent recipes that focused on produce and were pretty darn tasty, if I do say so myself.  Even if they weren't popular back then, seems I was a bit of a trendsetter (stop laughing.  Now).

Enter in the biggest phony of a vegetable ever.  Cauliflower.  I grabbed one at the market today (as I drove my pony in my nineteenth century cart, of course) and figured I could sub it in for some of the crappy carbs I've been living off of lately.  I've done the pizza crust (its...meh).  I've done the mashed "potatoes".  (Slightly better.  With butter.  Lots of it.  Which is...self defeating).

Enter - "rice".  Eggs were also on sale at Tops, and since I'm sort of obsessed with dippy eggs lately (that would be over easy for the non hipsters in the room), I grabbed a dozen and also a bag of mixed veggies.  I was hanging out in the spice aisle and spotted the Asian seasonings and...boom.  I got it.  Fried "rice".

When I got home, the kids were coming down off of another mad sugar rush, so I did what I usually do with dinner...I wung it.  At least I had the presence of mind to snap some crappy photos so you can aspire for something higher class.  But hey, it's a start.

Cauliflower Fried Rice (Serves 4)

1 head of cauliflower, riced - makes roughly 4 cups (see below)
1 bag Tops mixed veggies in the steamable bag (If you shop at Wegmans, you are dead to me)
1 onion, diced
2 tbsp minced garlic
6 eggs
1/4 cup Teriyaki sauce
1 tbsp sesame oil
1 tbsp ginger
pepper and salt, to taste

Add raw cauliflower to a food processor in small batches, pulsing until the consistency of rice.  Set aside. Add  onion, garlic and sesame oil to a large skillet and saute over medium heat  for about 5 minutes.  Steam the veggies in the microwave (we aren't fancy).  Whip the eggs in a small bowl and add into your onion and garlic mix, scrambling until the eggs are set (add an extra tbsp of oil, if needed).  Add veggies, cauliflower, ginger, salt, pepper and Teriyaki sauce - mix well and reduce heat to low.  Cover and cook for 5 minutes.  Remove from heat and serve.

Less than half an hour from start to finish - even with added kitchen races around the "track lap" by the 5 year old and the 3 year old cracking the eggs (no shells were added for crunch....maybe next time).

Delicious.  Healthy.  And damned convenient for a Thursday night.  

And now for my next quest....

Anyone?  Bueller?  Bueller?