Boston: More than a Feeling

 Hey y'all! It's been a crazy minute, hasn't it?  Well, I promise I haven't forgotten the blogg-o, but damn.  I'll be real.  It's been a year.  If someone could remind me that joking about a mid life crisis at 35 was a REALLY BAD idea, that would be great.  Cause when 40 hits....it basically says....hold my beer. Yep, it's like that.

But it's a little different this year. Actually, it's much different than 2023.  Here's your 20 second catch up of 2024 - It was alright, it got bad, it got real bad, and now, oddly enough, we are rebounding.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  And boy, is it fucking gorgeous.

The last 18 months have taught me two main things - that life never, ever goes as you plan, and that, at the end of the day - you can either look for the windows, or the brick walls.

Wait, what?  I didn't stutter.  Many of you know I'm a giant book nerd.  Years ago, I read a short story that has always stuck with me....

 It was about two men in hospice - they shared a room, and were bed ridden and could barely lift their heads.  One was in a bed by the door, and the other man that had the bed further away from the door would tell the man by the door about everything going on outside the room through the window he saw.  He would chatter about the sunshine, the kids playing, and the amazing sights.  The man by the door was really bitter about this - he wanted to be able to see this great view.  Eventually, the man that told the stories of outside passed away, and the man by the door waited a few days then asked the nurses if he could move to the vacant bed.  They complied, and the next morning, with great effort, the man lifted his head to look outside and saw....a blank wall.  Confused, he asked the nurse what happened to the window - and the nurse replied - there has never been a window in this room.  And the man, even more confused, spoke about all the sights the man that had died shared with him.  The nurse looked at the man and said....that man that shared all that with you....he was blind. 

Wow.  I've thought about that story quite a bit this year, and it reminds me of two things - that you never know what someone else has going on - and most importantly - if you look for a wall, there will be one.  If you look for a window....you will find one.

And the past few months - have been about windows. I leave for Boston this morning.  I have been dreaming about this race for over a decade - and when I qualified in November 2022 at Philly - I was over the moon. It was a total dream come true.  I had zero idea the trajectory my life would take in the next year and a half. Honestly, in the last 17 months...I have fallen down so many times and wasn't sure I could recover.

I did. I qualified for Kona.  I didn't go.  And after that, I threw all my energy at Boston.  It was a redemption.  It was a rebirth.  And it was...a window.  A badly needed window.  I was SO gonna do this race with the biggest PR ever!

As life would have it, a few months ago, life intervened and plans changed.  Massively. And in midst of all of the mess, I had a choice.  What to do about Boston.  Not going was never a choice - I promised myself that- but my aggressive goal was.  And really, in the last few months...year....I've really stepped back to think about that stuff.  I don't regret a single decision I've made or path I've taken, but when life happens....you can either see the walls or the windows. And you adjust accordingly.   (and for all of you that have Lil John in your head, you're welcome.  Me too)

This time - I saw the window.  And while my training through this mess has been mediocre at best for a

PR, that's honestly not the point.  The point is - to embrace the experience. To be so damned grateful for it.  My travel plans changed once, twice, three times - and I am now going with two amazing people that have picked me up, pointed me in the right direction, and are taking care of every. single. detail.  I just have to pay my way and show up...and run.  They both know Boston and are taking this rookie under their wing.  There will be insanity.  There will be beer.  There will be laughing.  It's a dumpster fire.  And its the perfect way to do Boston.

I ditched my running singlet and with the help of the people I love best - will be running with all your names on my shirt.  I threw out my playlist and took in suggestions from the best people that flooded me with songs that mean something to them.  I listened to every single one and I felt all the emotions that they were sent with them.  Thank you. Truly.  I know I have a piece of your heart. I already love everything about this race - and I'm not even there yet!

I'm sure I'll get even sappier as I toe the line at Hopkinton and see Boylston.  As I see the iconic start and toe the line with the world's best.  Its a dream come true.

But it's not about that.  Its about the last year and a half and all of those angels that got me there.  Its about those people that you meet on your path.  When you fall, and they pick you up.  When they look at you and say - or prove - they got you.  And even though the last year and a half has been absolutely mind boggling - I am one of the luckiest people in the world.  And I wake up every day knowing it - seeing those windows. Of  all of the exciting things that are ahead.  And being so fucking grateful for all of you.

I can't even name everyone, but I'm gonna try.  To the French fry gang - QVC, Those People, Swimmer Dude and Ham Bro.  You guys picked me up when I needed it most, and I will never forget it.  Ever.  8 minutes.  To Mean Dude - dude, I'm sorry I gave you that name - but for the last 16 months, you have done nothing but believe the best in me - and I cannot wait to do you proud.  To Zeus - you got me started.  And I'll never forget it. To my Renegade - five years ago, it was about piggy backs.  And you still carry me as one of the best friends I could ask for.   To Ken - you are my best bad decision maker.  I'll get back to you about November.  And every other amazing bad choice we have made!!  To my Y swim crew - Bear, Cat Woman, Kris, Mike, and my favorite speedo boys - you guys are the best.  I still can't swim but thank goodness we don't need to do that Monday - save a spot for me in the hot tub next week!!  To 1:20 - Thanks for believing in me when I didn't - and I can't wait for those "recovery runs" when I get back!  To cruise - You're ok.  And when life hands me lemons, I am so glad I have a lemon tree!!  To my dumpster crew - you helped me qualify and you've put up with my shit ever since.  And I'll never forget it.  

To my amaazing kiddos - Rob and Biz - you always are so great about when Mom runs, and I LOVE our buddy runs and Mom and me recovery - whether its the boots, a bubble bath, or ice cream!  And as always, to my rocket booster.  It's not what I thought it would be.  Far from it.  But at the end of the day - you still are there for me, and you always will be.  It just looks a little different than we thought.  But it's still our adventure.

To the many friends I haven't named but have checked on me, tossed a joke my way, run miles with me, or in some way shown your love - I haven't forgotten it.  And I never, ever will. 

Thank you all.  You have no idea.  But you have my love, and my heart, and I'm gonna go do BOSTON STRONG on Monday for every single one of you!!  Bib is 18486 - Boston.  April 15th.  10:52 start time.  LETS GO!!!!