The Long and Winding Road

Well, 2021.  What a three hundred and sixty five days of unexpected.  As I sit here, doing my bit to navel gaze on the year, I'm smiling, thinking of all the amazing things that happened this year - in terms of athletics, friendships, relationships, family, and personal development.  It's been such a year.  Last night at the dinner table, as is our tradition pre New Year's Eve- we all went around the table talking about the good things that happened in 2021.  Some of them were huge - we made some awesome family gains in the year, I had a few amazing big races, Greg hit a new milestone success in his business - Rob ran his first cross country race, Biz started gymnastics - but it was also scattered with the small, every day smiles of life, which are sometimes tough to realize during a pandemic, but so damned important.  

Like so many of us, I've struggled this year with the sheer inertia of life  - the past year and a half have been depressing, if left unattended.  But oddly enough, my resolution for 2019 still stays with me and serves me well - doing the "big scary things" idea.  I still stand by it.  If you don't like something about your life, you can either complain about it or change it.  I chose the latter, and its made all the difference.

Sometimes the road less traveled is a little tricky to navigate.  I always thought by 39, I'd have it all figured out and be living my best, if not predictable, life.  But...the concept of taking a risk and jumping in full force has been, hands down, one of the best things I've ever done.  I've failed spectacularly - both of my own accord and also because I trusted the path I was on - and the people that I was with - a little bit too much. 

That last bit has been the downfall of my 2021 - some of the things I've jumped into have just not panned out, and I have had to have the wherewithal to pick up the pieces quite a few times- whether its a failed attempt at a workout, a friendship, or something else.  And I question sometimes the wisdom of putting yourself on the line over and over again - is it worth it to walk the different paths, even if the dead end comes up so much more quickly than you expect? How do you know when to quit or give it one last try?  And if you fail, how do you put that failure behind you and keep moving forward toward your goal, especially if it seems ambiguous? 

It's something I'm still working on.  The idea that some things are just flat out lessons to be learned - whether its a shit race, a work experience, or people that come into your life for a reason or a "season" and don't stay.  Some things aren't meant to last.  And some things happen really just to give you a fresh perspective on something else, or provide a stepping stone to something else you never even knew was out there.

It's humbling.  But always about growing - and every time I'm pretty sure I've learned the lesson, life takes an odd twist with it, and I adapt and give it another shot. 

Some of the endings of 2021 I never saw coming.  I never realized it was the last time for some things -  it truly taught me to appreciate every moment as it came.  And to not be so afraid to say what I was thinking out loud, or to go in a direction that I never would have had the guts to do.  Sometimes that worked - and I've made some amazing friends and gone some amazing places - the concept of driving across country to do a half ironman in a bomb cyclone comes to mind!  Sometimes it didn't, and I fell flat on my face. But always - I get up, lick my wounds, and try again. 

As I did my long ride this morning, I watched Lionel Sanders year end recap - along with his lessons learned.  He's fast becoming one of my favorite pros - not only because he's so darn hard working and humble, but he's not afraid to try new things, admit when he's wrong, or flat out burst in to tears when he accomplishes the unthinkable.  He's about hard work, grit, and nose to the ground, but opening up to new possibilities (training with people can be fun! Why not fly in the face of science for training!) that might take him somewhere.  He flat out admitted he almost retired from pro racing this year and that it was a year of discovery - and laid his soul bare for his dreams, goals and ambitions.  That sort of naked honesty is so refreshing - and its got me so inspired for 2022. To go boldly for what I never thought was possible, and make that leap.  As I watched his Ironman Chattanooga recap - they did a close pan in of his flying dismount on the bike and I thought - hey, I can finally do that (thanks 2021!)!  It was gorgeous to watch - the grace of it all.  It made me realize how far I've come this year.

And then I remembered the other race in 2021 where I put my aero helmet on backwards in T1 and came out looking like a majestic narwhal. Sometimes, we fail.  (But that one was damned funny, am I right?)

Perspective, people.  

And that's my goal for 2022.  The ability to go forward confidently and say "Fuck it" - knowing that I might fail, or it might be something amazing.  And that all the people I meet along the way - they might become the most cherished life long friends, as I've met a few special people on this journey.  And some of them - are really just there to show me what not to do, or there for a very short time. Do I plan to change?  Heck no.  Sometimes you have to put your heart on the line and just go for what you believe in, or try things you never thought you'd do - it might work, it might not, but I'll be damned if I won't take that chance at everything life has to offer. 

Here's to an amazing 2022 - as always, I expect there will be some epic highs and some real learning experiences - but RAISING the bar - is always the goal.  Happy New Year - lets go for it!