I have no idea why I even pretend any more.
Whenever I find some really fantastic success that makes me feel all big and bad as an athlete, I get super excited and make a note to write a post. I'm sure these (as few and far between as they are) are super appreciated by everyone.
WAY more often....I post about how I fall on my ass and attempt to get up (literally or figuratively. Take your pick). Somehow, these posts get way more traction and responses - apparently everyone loves hot mess Rae - whether you relate or I make you feel better about yourself, hey, I'm really glad to help!
So, let's keep em coming!
For everyone that appreciated my podcast or bike saga part eleventy billion, here's another gem for you. I've explained how this year I've been getting back to basics on the bike. No more playing like I actually can ride.....I can't. Time to stop bullshitting and fix it. I've been going out to ride 4-5 times a week, whether it be a legit workout or more of a chill, skill building ride. This has been allowing me to work on some bike speed, but more so taking a back seat to power improvement and work on becoming "one" with my bike.
New race kit?
So, let's review, to date, my current bike race strategy "goals" for every race I've done since 2005:
1. Not crashing or seriously maiming myself
2. Not DNFing in the process
3. Finishing as quickly as my legs and mental idiocy allows
2021 deserves way better. Way, way better. While mulling over all the things I need to work on, I talked it over with a friend, who (join the party, bro) is as ever confused about my idiot mental block. He fondly recalled the first day he got aero bars on his bike and immediately went out to play around with them....and never looked back. As I was explaining how this blew my mind, the both of us may as well have been speaking foreign languages to each other. How I envy that ease it must be to just....enjoy the damned bike ride. Man, that sounds fun. And it got me thinking..... I wish I could be that way....I wanna be a bike centaur. Half woman, half bike, with the two simpatico.
It's not that I don't want to be better on the bike....I really, really do. But think about the thing that terrifies you the most. Then you get it. That's exactly how I feel every time I ride.
I went for en easy ride this morning, and started to think about some of the things that I spend real time worrying about that.....most athletes likely never even give a thought to while on the bike. In case you want a glimpse into the hot mess that is me....In no particular order, here are a bunch of things spinning around in my mind for 99% of the ride....(and this is just in a 60 minute ride!!)
1. Keeping my bike in a straight line...its NOT like riding a car. Not at all.
2. Avoiding the branch or pothole ahead if there's a car back...do I go into the road? Risk a flat? FUCK!
3. Small Chain ring shifting. This is a horrible experience that will either make me crash, drop a chain, or both. Its a total disaster waiting to happen. I just won't do it.
4. Big chain ring shifting for a small hill...whats the point?? (I am getting better at this. But I give it real consideration before wasting the effort that might make me swerve)
5. How to take my left hand off without crashing my bike. One handed??? WHAT??
6. What if the car behind me is pulling a trailer and doesn't realize its wider than they are??? OMFG what if there's no shoulder what do I do (This is horrible on Lake Rd)
7. Yay! I shifted. Fuck, that shift sounded weird. Why is it sticking? Why didn't the bike actually shift??? If I mess with it, will I end up all over the road?? Probably. Awesome. Now my bike is grinding. Right. I wont shift again. Ever. That's much smarter.
8. My nose itches. Should I scratch it or should I just leave it for the next ten miles so I don't have to ride one handed? Yeah....I'll do that. Nose itches - mental HTFU!
9. Shit, I have to right turn. Should I hand signal? Can I do that without dying?
10. Shit, now I have to turn. I know I should bend my right knee into the turn but what if I fall over?? I'll just go super slow and brake through it all.
11. Shit, I have to left turn. Yeah, I can't signal for that.
12. Shit, now I have to look over my shoulder before left turning four hundred times to quadruple check that there are no cars a half mile back so I can get into the road. Its windy. I cant hear shit.
13. Shit, what if I have to stop?? This is not good. I'll pray there are no cars. Or ride 2mph to wait them out. Yep. Maybe that'll help. Hopefully I won't tip over.
14. I've been riding for 15 miles and my left hand is totally numb. How am I going to finish this ride? What if I have to brake? Crap. I literally can't even feel it. This is not good.
15. OMG - my hydro aero straw isn't working and/or is totally out of my reach to grab without using my hands. FUCK. Guess I'm not drinking during this ride! It's a 30 mile ride? Well hot damn. That's gotta be some sort of race prep strategy right? RIGHT???
15. Dropping into aero....oh hell no. How do I steer with my elbows? I'm wobbly.
16....what if a car comes and I need to move out of the way while in aero??
17....what if there's a pothole and i need to actually steer in aero to avoid it???
18....what if.....OMG. just...no. Fuck aero. I'm riding the hoods.
19. Shifting while going fast.....or downhill....OMG how do I take a hand off to accomplish this???? I'm going 30mph! I'll DIE!!
20. How in the hell do I eat one handed on the bike? Fuck it. I'll just pour in more tailwind. I needed to drop a few to get to race weight.
21. What is the air force velocity of an unladen swallow?? (IDK. We needed SOME humor here.)
Wow. That's ridiculous.
BUT.....lest you think there is no hope, I think there might be. Here are a few things I don't think about as of this year, as a direct result of screwing on my balls and just. fucking. riding.
1. Clipping in with relative ease...I don't sit there for 10 minutes hoping I can take off without crashing. (Well, I thought I had that one till I rode last weekend with my two best friends. Yep. I totally planted 15 miles in. No. I don't wanna talk about it).
2. Shifting in the big chain ring while doing a small hill or downhill that's a decent length. (I used to ride my 17 mile Lake Rd loop in one gear. I didn't stutter).
3. Riding next to someone without freaking out or making them ride in front of me. Sometimes I even pull or ride on the outside. I often can have a conversation while riding. This is supposed to be fun....I'm getting there!
4. looking up and enjoying the scenery - did you know that there is pretty awesome scenery in the finger lakes/Lake rd/WNY? It's gorgeous! (Yep. That was sarcasm).
5. Drinking from my torpedo without thinking about it too much. (Sometimes I miss. Apparently this is funny, but hey, I'm trying. I used to wait for the perfect second to drink....now I drink...when I'm thirsty. What a concept).
6. Switching on my bike computer or off while riding. I used to start it in my driveway and stop it after I stopped. Now I do so while coasting down or up my road. Yep. Riding one handed. I'm a badass.
7. Passing someone riding that's slower than me in a road that's open to traffic.
8. Navigating potholes and tree branches when there's no traffic..i.e., um steering my bike. At least on Lake Rd where I know all the potholes.
9. Standing climbs.
10. Controlled stops that I know are coming with plenty of room (I really can dismount when I know it's coming up. It's not a flying dismount or even a pretty one, but it works).
11. The concept of pedaling when cars pass me (unless its one with a scary trailer that's about 25 feet wide, which there were approximately 20 of in my one hour ride today. WTF)
12. Riding in wind (gusts of 30 mph are still scary, but not I'm gonna cry and throw up scary). I've learned to handle 10-15 mph winds with minimal cursing and not fighting it.
13. Pitched camber roads (Holt Rd used to terrify me to ride on for this reason and I thought I was gonna tip over every time I rode).
14. Riding with my hands poised over the brakes every. second. I actually let go most of the time rather than thinking I need to stop every single second.
15. Descending without braking. Sometimes I even shift into the right gear so I go faster. What??
16. The sheer terror of the thought of getting on the bike....sometimes it's even fun (I know...who knew??)
So. Now you know more about the crazy brain of Rae and her bike. And you know what they say about that, right?
Go, Joe! Sorry, I'm a child of the 80's. I can't help it.
And the epic journey continues.....
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