And, here we are. The final few days of 2019. As it always is post holiday, the week between Christmas and New Year's is a week devoid of any real structure or life purpose - What day is it? Who knows. What are we having for breakfast? Leftover sausage pie. Mmm, so good. Why the hell won't these kids stop fighting? (Good luck with that. Two weeks off for Christmas is evil. What do you expect me to do, parent? Yes....that was in pink font (sarcasm)).
Aside from the trials and tribulations of a first world mom (I own it), it's also a great time to take stock of the year and figure out what went well, what did not, and where you want to go in 2020.
This year, I find myself in the odd position of 100% feeling like I finally lived my 2019 resolution fully from January 2 to December 31 (have a little faith, guys. I promise I'll live out tomorrow!). To do the big, scary things. I know its not everyone's favorite, but I stick by the mantra - I've spent the whole year in a state of pushing myself to the limit, whether it be physical, mental or emotional. And most of it....guys....was scary shit. Leaping off a building scary stuff that I had no clue if I would fail at or not. It hasn't always been easy. As a matter of fact, it rarely was. But the take-aways have been astounding.
But....maybe that's my experience. It's interesting how your intents really shape what you do...but might not always be how others perceive you. During a recent round of drinking with friends, one of my buddies made a comment about how he perceived me as a person- using the term "highly suggestible". I'm not sure why, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. I sat and thought about it
for awhile, considering what being highly suggestible means - was that me? Was that the person I wanted to be? Did I need to re-think things for 2020?
Since I like to try to be logical with the way that I think, I turned to the most reliable source of information at my disposal....google (Dammit, maybe I am a millennial). According to good ole Wikipedia, Suggestibility is "the quality of being inclined to accept and act on the suggestions of others". Hmmm, I thought. Well, whats wrong with that? I suppose that's me. At least, the me of 2019. You see, one of my hallmarks to change my life and my outlook on life this year was to do things I had never done before - which means being open to suggestion. It doesn't mean I necessarily adopt all the suggestions...I accept them as possibilities to perhaps change something I don't currently like for the better. I then act on them, and afterwards decide if they work for me or not. Sometimes they don't work, and I discard them. And sometimes...they really do. But if I wasn't "suggestible" I might have closed my mind off to not even try them.
So, as I sit here an navel gaze on 2019, I have come to realize a few pivotal things. They aren't earth shattering, but armed with the multitude of life lessons 2019 has brought me, these will carry me to 2020.....
1. Everyone has something to teach you. This was probably the biggest one for me. As a person that is in charge of a lot of things at work, at home, and in family life, I have a very Type A way of carrying myself. I've had to figure it out in so many ways on my own for my whole life, and I really had decided that I was a strong, independent woman that really didn't need anyone but myself to succeed. This was proven 100% false right out of the gate in 2019, so I decided to adopt the stance of realizing that everyone I came in contact with could, in fact, teach me something that might have the potential to make me better as a person in one form or another. This was not easy. It took a lot of trying new things that didn't make sense, hearing things about the way that I did things that might not have been the best way, and a lot of mental undressing for what I perceived to be truths I had held for years. It also was one of the most rewarding things I have ever experienced, and I am so very grateful to have had some of the best "teachers" there are come into my life.
2. ....But take their advice with a big grain of salt. I have the sense that humanity as a whole, are good people. When people teach you something or give you advice, its generally meant with all the goodwill and their desire to help you out. Its also usually gleaned from something that they have either experienced that worked for them, or something that they have seen/heard of/read that made sense to them. It's important to realize that even though their nuggets of wisdom are meant with all the good intentions, that it may or may not work for you. And if it doesn't, its ok to explore a different option. Sometimes learning what "not to do" through failure can have just as much of an impact as learning what does work!
3. Open up your mind to different possibilities. Man. I sound old. But as someone that's been "adulting" reasonably successfully for the past 15 plus years, I have my own way of doing things. On a day to day basis with home, work, friendships, relationships, family, and hobbies. But if there's any area of your life you want to change, you need to get past your comfort zone and start breaking through barriers to make it happen. And that only happens when you open up your mind to approaching things differently and trying new things to accomplish your goals. Change is not easy. But sometimes that piece of discomfort really brings you exactly where you want to be. And before you know it....you've got a new "norm" that you've adapted that isn't quite so scary.
4. ....But trust your gut. I approached this year with as much of a blank slate as I reasonably could. Some of the things I tried had absolutely no rhyme or reason, and they worked. Some were totally not for me at all. I learned that it was most important to trust my gut for what was a good decision or not. My head was too logical - biking hill repeats during rush hour on a 4 lane road sounds logistically horrible, but it worked. My heart, it turns out, was also not to be trusted - it was too emotional. There were a few missteps this year where I lead with my heart and they were total disasters and did not make sense in the long run. Luckily, I have a few soft places to land. (See #6)
5. Don't be afraid to fail. As I said above, some things I have learned in 2019 really did work. Some were complete and epic failures. I blogged a little bit about some of the lost feelings this year...and some of the failures. Some were kept private for a good reason. But I routinely made an ass of myself this year, whether it be crashing spectacularly coming into transition for my first half ironman of the year (thank god that was caught on film), running a full marathon with a busted foot, or opening my mouth/acting without thinking, I made some terrible life decisions. Luckily, none of them were mistakes that couldn't be fixed....but it took some work to correct my mistakes in 2019.
6. But know who is there to catch you. This was HUGE for me this year. One thing I am not great at is failing - who is??? While some of the big scary things I did were about leaping....the scariest things were about leaping and not landing on my feet. I learned, without a doubt, that not everyone wants you to succeed. Which was a hard lesson. I learned who was there to judge me. Who was there to say "I told you so". And who was there to listen. To help me back on my feet and nudge me in the right direction. Who was there with a big hug when I needed it and who was there to give me a much needed kick in the ass when I was being a moron. And the most interesting part was....I really wasn't who I thought it would be. I let go of some long lasting relationships this year. And some of the people I am now closest to....I didn't even know last year at this time. Funny how life works, isn't it?
7. Enjoy the Ride of Life. This is, without a doubt, the most important lesson I learned this year. To enjoy as much of life as you can. While on a recent run with a buddy of mine, we got into a chat about 2019 and what a crazy year it's been (we had a similar year, and went through quite a bit together, so it was fitting). As grown adults, we laughed about the things we went through that we never expected to, and how, even though it didn't seem that way at the time, that they all had a rhyme and reason and brought us to where we needed to be. We likened 2019 to that summer before college....when all the crazy shit happens to your crew, and you come out of it, looking back, going....WTF just happened...and wow, that was one hell of a ride! And that was it for me. A year full of ups and downs, of twists and turns, of unexpected plot changers, and here we are. At the end of the year. Man that was crazy. Man, that was fun. Man, I lived that. And I don't regret any of it.
As I sit here and write this post, my Facebook memories popped up and I saw that one year ago, I went for a little swim at the Y. And one of the guys that was so pivotal to my 2019 race season decided to introduce me to two of his buddies sharing his swim lane. Two days before the end of 2018, I was swimming broken 150's with three collegiate swimmers that fully brought a random rookie with a sarcasm problem into their fold.
One year later, those guys are some of my best friends. Funny who walks into your life when you least expect it and how it changes your world. And while that's just one example of what happened when I decided to throw caution to the wind, its a perfect example of what being highly suggestible can bring.
Aside from the trials and tribulations of a first world mom (I own it), it's also a great time to take stock of the year and figure out what went well, what did not, and where you want to go in 2020.
This year, I find myself in the odd position of 100% feeling like I finally lived my 2019 resolution fully from January 2 to December 31 (have a little faith, guys. I promise I'll live out tomorrow!). To do the big, scary things. I know its not everyone's favorite, but I stick by the mantra - I've spent the whole year in a state of pushing myself to the limit, whether it be physical, mental or emotional. And most of it....guys....was scary shit. Leaping off a building scary stuff that I had no clue if I would fail at or not. It hasn't always been easy. As a matter of fact, it rarely was. But the take-aways have been astounding.
for awhile, considering what being highly suggestible means - was that me? Was that the person I wanted to be? Did I need to re-think things for 2020?
Since I like to try to be logical with the way that I think, I turned to the most reliable source of information at my disposal....google (Dammit, maybe I am a millennial). According to good ole Wikipedia, Suggestibility is "the quality of being inclined to accept and act on the suggestions of others". Hmmm, I thought. Well, whats wrong with that? I suppose that's me. At least, the me of 2019. You see, one of my hallmarks to change my life and my outlook on life this year was to do things I had never done before - which means being open to suggestion. It doesn't mean I necessarily adopt all the suggestions...I accept them as possibilities to perhaps change something I don't currently like for the better. I then act on them, and afterwards decide if they work for me or not. Sometimes they don't work, and I discard them. And sometimes...they really do. But if I wasn't "suggestible" I might have closed my mind off to not even try them.
So, as I sit here an navel gaze on 2019, I have come to realize a few pivotal things. They aren't earth shattering, but armed with the multitude of life lessons 2019 has brought me, these will carry me to 2020.....
1. Everyone has something to teach you. This was probably the biggest one for me. As a person that is in charge of a lot of things at work, at home, and in family life, I have a very Type A way of carrying myself. I've had to figure it out in so many ways on my own for my whole life, and I really had decided that I was a strong, independent woman that really didn't need anyone but myself to succeed. This was proven 100% false right out of the gate in 2019, so I decided to adopt the stance of realizing that everyone I came in contact with could, in fact, teach me something that might have the potential to make me better as a person in one form or another. This was not easy. It took a lot of trying new things that didn't make sense, hearing things about the way that I did things that might not have been the best way, and a lot of mental undressing for what I perceived to be truths I had held for years. It also was one of the most rewarding things I have ever experienced, and I am so very grateful to have had some of the best "teachers" there are come into my life.
2. ....But take their advice with a big grain of salt. I have the sense that humanity as a whole, are good people. When people teach you something or give you advice, its generally meant with all the goodwill and their desire to help you out. Its also usually gleaned from something that they have either experienced that worked for them, or something that they have seen/heard of/read that made sense to them. It's important to realize that even though their nuggets of wisdom are meant with all the good intentions, that it may or may not work for you. And if it doesn't, its ok to explore a different option. Sometimes learning what "not to do" through failure can have just as much of an impact as learning what does work!
4. ....But trust your gut. I approached this year with as much of a blank slate as I reasonably could. Some of the things I tried had absolutely no rhyme or reason, and they worked. Some were totally not for me at all. I learned that it was most important to trust my gut for what was a good decision or not. My head was too logical - biking hill repeats during rush hour on a 4 lane road sounds logistically horrible, but it worked. My heart, it turns out, was also not to be trusted - it was too emotional. There were a few missteps this year where I lead with my heart and they were total disasters and did not make sense in the long run. Luckily, I have a few soft places to land. (See #6)
5. Don't be afraid to fail. As I said above, some things I have learned in 2019 really did work. Some were complete and epic failures. I blogged a little bit about some of the lost feelings this year...and some of the failures. Some were kept private for a good reason. But I routinely made an ass of myself this year, whether it be crashing spectacularly coming into transition for my first half ironman of the year (thank god that was caught on film), running a full marathon with a busted foot, or opening my mouth/acting without thinking, I made some terrible life decisions. Luckily, none of them were mistakes that couldn't be fixed....but it took some work to correct my mistakes in 2019.
7. Enjoy the Ride of Life. This is, without a doubt, the most important lesson I learned this year. To enjoy as much of life as you can. While on a recent run with a buddy of mine, we got into a chat about 2019 and what a crazy year it's been (we had a similar year, and went through quite a bit together, so it was fitting). As grown adults, we laughed about the things we went through that we never expected to, and how, even though it didn't seem that way at the time, that they all had a rhyme and reason and brought us to where we needed to be. We likened 2019 to that summer before college....when all the crazy shit happens to your crew, and you come out of it, looking back, going....WTF just happened...and wow, that was one hell of a ride! And that was it for me. A year full of ups and downs, of twists and turns, of unexpected plot changers, and here we are. At the end of the year. Man that was crazy. Man, that was fun. Man, I lived that. And I don't regret any of it.
As I sit here and write this post, my Facebook memories popped up and I saw that one year ago, I went for a little swim at the Y. And one of the guys that was so pivotal to my 2019 race season decided to introduce me to two of his buddies sharing his swim lane. Two days before the end of 2018, I was swimming broken 150's with three collegiate swimmers that fully brought a random rookie with a sarcasm problem into their fold.
One year later, those guys are some of my best friends. Funny who walks into your life when you least expect it and how it changes your world. And while that's just one example of what happened when I decided to throw caution to the wind, its a perfect example of what being highly suggestible can bring.
So, yeah, I'll keep being suggestible. It's served me well in 2019....
and with a few refinements, will continue to my 2020 goals.
Stay tuned. 2020....it's gonna be epic.
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