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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Bachelor Ben

So.....let's talk about the "B"word for a sec. Balance, I mean (well, first and foremost anyways...haha).  We balance out exercise with rest days....oatmeal with cake.....biographies with romance novels.......and good TV with....The Bachelor.
Bachelor Ben
Why am I dedicating more valuable internets space to this d-bag?  Well, because it consumed 3 hours of mine and the hubster's Monday night (yes, I made him watch the finale with me.  Hopefully Ben and Courtney won't be the only couple headed for splitsville in the next week.)
So, in case you live under a rock actually have interesting things to do on a Monday night, last night was the season finale of the Bachelor.
Lindzi aka Marcia Brady
Seriously!
If you REALLY live under a rock...Bachelor Ben had his pick of 25 women to find "true love"and has been systematically weeding out all the good ones to end up with two final ladies....Marcia Brady and the Wicked Witch of the West (who incidentally likes to take her clothes off for the camera).
Last night, he picked his new bride to be.
It wasn't groovy.
Yup, for the last few months, I've been sucked into this train wreck of a reality show, watching doofus Ben fall in love with the stripping, baby talking, two faced witch.  Blech.
Not that all the girls were amazing....we had a real stripper, a manly personal trainer, a lesbian, and an emotionally unstable blogger representing, yo (no, I did not go on the show.  Greg would have truly killed me then.  But I would have gone...for Andy.  Not this lame-o.
Court the witch
So....we get to the finale. Finally.  Poop for brains voted off my favorite (Kacie B.) back two weeks ago (she was way too good for him anyways) and we are down to the final two:  Marcia and Wicked, we'll call them for short.
Ben invites the women to meet his mom and sister (who looks like a dudebro version of Jillian Michaels on steroids) in order to "get a feel for the women".  I start to hope.  Sis hates Courtney (Wicked here on out) before she even meets her and dubs Linzi (Marcia here on out) as "super fun and relateable".  YAY!  Then....she meets the witch.  Cue crafty TV editing, and it looks like Mom and Sis are onto Wicked.  No such luck....they give Ben the big high five and tell him to go for it.  Awesome.
But wait....our fearless hottie is "Oh so confused" and "Oh, I don't know what to dooooo!" Dude. You've been trying to justify how OMG so wonderful Miss Witch is to everyone for ages....I think it's pretty obvious.  The big engagement day arrives.  Shocking no one (well, except with the dress....homegirl looked like a black ostrich) poor Marica gets the boot and Ben-ster proposes to the witch, who, appropriately enough, looks like Cruella Deville on crack.  (Seriously, who wears elbow length gloves to potentially get ENGAGED?)  It was the most vomit inducing proposal ever (which sucks when you're not feeling that hot to begin with) and post ring acceptance, Miss Thang was way more interested in the bling than her man.  Natch.
It's a good thing the hubster stole my kindle and removed all sharp objects....I only had pillows to throw at the TV. Meh.
Source
If that wasn't enough, we needed an additional HOUR to rehash the "post rose ceremony" to find out what Ben and Courtster have been up to since the final rose.  Shockingly, they broke up because Ben was oh so upset at Courtney's behavior on the show and couldn't understand why none of the women told him really how bad she was.
Face Palm.
Ben, you're a moron.  Everyone told you that.  You broke up with Emily when she did have the guts to tell you!
I finally turned off the damn television at that point, but I hear that he did re-propose, which I'm not sorry in the slightest that I missed.  I might do Ironmans for fun, but I'm no masochist.  Hah.
Someone needs to use the parental controls on my TV to block this crap from now on.  Hubster?
And thank you for reading if you got this far :-) Anyone else watch that mess??




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